When the Body Says No -- Caring for ourselves while caring for others. Dr. Gabor Maté 

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Stress is ubiquitous these days - it plays a role in the workplace, in the home, and virtually everywhere that people interact. It can take a heavy toll on individuals unless it is recognized and managed effectively and insightfully. This is even more true for parents, family members and caregivers of individuals with neuro-behavioural disorders such as FASD, and if left unchecked, accumulated stress goes on to undermine immunity, disrupts the body's physiological milieu and can prepare the ground for a multitude chronic diseases and conditions.
This presentation, adapted for this conference, is based on When The Body Says No, a best-selling book that has been translated into more than twelve languages on five continents.



5 Mar 2013




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@philippedefossez3421 8 aylar önce
He deserves a Nobel prize for his work.
@lm5608 4 aylar önce
@artoffighting06 4 yıl önce
"If you don't know how to say no when you need to, your body will say it for you in the form of illness." ..that struck me.
@cjennings6179 4 yıl önce
@CGD777 4 yıl önce
It's so true. I've had a huge problem with this since childhood and it's caused me so much stress to my body.
@danarzechula3769 4 yıl önce
as a mom of a medically complex child I know that sometimes no is simply not an option most people will get bored with chronic illness. they want the disease of the week something they can fix and feel good about
@suzyswain402 4 yıl önce
Its helpful that if you did say yes and felt you shouldnt you at least learn to accept the situation you said yes to. Like if you are repeating in your head that its a problem then its causing your body stress. Fair enough, next time say no but if you already said yes then continue on your path in acceptance not fighting against it internally. So remove the negative thoughts to remove the negative feeling
@mimib6893 4 yıl önce
same here
This is the real reason why people get ill. No one is being true to themselves. People are putting up with jobs they hate, relationships they can’t stand, unbearable pressures of daily life & doing nothing about it.
@eoinbrennan3949 8 aylar önce
You're right. Dr bernie seigel wrote a book about it called "love medicine and miracles"
@Clevelandsteamer324 4 aylar önce
I guess we can just stop paying bills and live In streets. Those people seem happier than most
@@Clevelandsteamer324 you're an idiot
@asielmundo 12 gün önce
@SarahRayneDropz 5 yıl önce
My rheumatologist asked me to read this book. I am SO lucky to have a doctor who understands the correlation between emotions, trauma and illness
@sjjahoda5622 4 yıl önce
Wow that gives me a lot of hope in some Drs. Thanks for sharing
@beekind6267 4 yıl önce
My rheumatologist sat down with me and drew a timeline of my life and showed me the correlation between major traumatic events in my life and my chronic diseases. No doctor, not even any of my therapists EVER did that. Enlightening.
@izjones4152 4 yıl önce
Very lucky
@jessicalavoie7355 4 yıl önce
It was a massage therapist who brought a mind/trauma/body book to my attention & therapist who second it. Around a year later, I met my best (+ one of only 2) friend, who beat stage 4 cancer all naturally. First time meeting an actual real life soul mate! MOST Doctors I've met/hired (for numerous issues I've had so far in my life) would say that what this BRILLIANT Doctor is saying isn't based in "science." Well, they also don't work closely with any therapists/psych nurse practitioners, ignore an acute issue (until it became the BIGGEST issue) in favor of having me as "the perfect candidate" for a spinal cord stimulator implant (I'm 33 years old!)... THIS is where we're (way too slowly) headed! Thank you so much for seeing, choosing to be open enough to see, what I've come to realize is so blatenly obvious ❣️
@woolfulrebellion 4 yıl önce
I have a rheumatologist as well.
@howoriginal1986 Yıl önce
My bedtime prayer when I was in elementary school through middle school was for God to “help me be a good girl.” My mom taught me that prayer. And when I eventually moved in with relatives, she reminded me, “Be good.” I know she meant well, but I went from being a free spirited kid to a depressed teenager and jaded adult. “Being good” is a prison in trying to escape. “Being good” often means not speaking up, taking up space, or upsetting other people.
@kathy1001 Yıl önce
Thank you for sharing 🙏❤️. I hope that you are doing okay.
This hit me hard, thank you for sharing it bc I understand a lot more about my childhood
@francescaderimini4422 11 aylar önce
Yes! Don’t be good at all!
@susanwright4414 11 aylar önce
Being good should mean being who God created you to be; defender of the vulnerable, joyful, courageous, educated, knowledgeable, etc
@sweetsurfer3586 8 aylar önce
Mine was too.
Saying no to family & friends was a no-no for me growing up. I felt I HAD to be nice, to keep love & relationships. I was lying to myself for a long time. If relationships are healthy, we can say no and won't lose those relationships.
@reneem2954 3 yıl önce
After doing everything for them , they will still never be happy with us.
@truthseeker6584 3 yıl önce
@@reneem2954 That reason for that is that they don´t WANT to be happy with us. The sad truth is that many people get energized from critizising others and abusing them. They subconsciously NEED the feeling that you do things wrong because then they can pity themselves as a victim, vent anger and dissatisfaction and feel superior at the same time. Many people are unhappy with themselves and their lives and unconsciously look for somebody to blame for their negative feelings. And how would they do that when they recognize that you do all things perfectly and that you care for them?
@sfletch3042 Yıl önce
Absolutely! People who truly love us understand that we have needs as well and will want us to take care of ourselves.
@kadidjaomar9899 Yıl önce
For some cultural, it's so difficult to say no it's not because of the cultural. It's an authentic respect without realizing we punishment ourselves. It's part my cultural to not say no to an adult or a friend, family. Thanks to Canada, I finally learned how to say no and it's one of the greatest discussions I ever made.
@Ana-rb7ws Yıl önce
Correct. The people who will object to you having boundaries are the ones that were benefiting from you not having them.
@naeru5810 5 yıl önce
@naeru5810 5 yıl önce
@naeru5810 3 yıl önce
@Project AcuHope You are right, but who cares what they think or say!! At least it gets out.
@etymos6644 3 yıl önce
That is why religion judges it as bad. Slavers want their slaves defenceless.
@angelbowman1486 3 yıl önce
@@etymos6644 The bible says 'be angry but don't sin'.The bible teaches to process anger and in no way prohibits it. It does say that angry outbursts (fits of rage) are unacceptable. God bless you x
@cindykronick2502 3 yıl önce
Do you know what happens to your cells as you roar that fire? Maybe you have a stronger constitution and can “take on” that stress in the body. You really can’t, it is taking its toll. But, the recipients of that ire can get sick because all that stress goes into them. This is why there is over 300 autoimmune diseases out there. Not handling the stress - it tips the scale in the immune system. Diseases like fibromyalgia, irritable bowel, scleroderma, eczema, psoriasis, chrohn’s disease, chronic asthma, psoriasis, celiac disease, rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis, Lupos, GERD, etc, etc, etc.. and of course cancer. The immune system glitches and begins attacking itself.
@kardoyle 4 yıl önce
I love how he talks so gently... yet so profoundly. Powerful message!
@NatalieVasilyev 3 yıl önce
a gentle soul with profound knowledge and wisdom
@michaelodowd4807 3 yıl önce
Yes ,it's one of the reasons I cannot listen to Jordan Peterson, so much repressed anger in his voice.
@lise2501 3 yıl önce
:) right? Imagine, if he was yelling all this?
I agree!
@dianadee4300 Yıl önce
I know! When I get passionate about something, I sound almost angry, not gentle.
@Lola-mt1ne 4 yıl önce
I worked for 40 years as a critical care nurse in a variety of settings, and what you say is so very true. Not speaking up will kill you.
@KAMROXX2K11 Yıl önce
Hi Lola! This video was recommended to me on my homepage wayyy after it came out. And I was looking for a comment related to nursing. I'm graduating soon and I decided not to start nursing right away because I am mentally not well. I have vowed not to care for someone else until I care for myself. I'll be a nurse, just not right now.
@jenmajed1712 Yıl önce
What do you mean though as a critical care nurse 😪 god bless
@lotus-lotus Yıl önce
Would you please clarify "not speaking up"? Does it mean the patients didn't speak up what they need while in ICU? Or do they have "not speaking up" type of personal trait?
Due to 13 years of narcissistic abuse that included daily meltdowns of rage, my adrenal glands were stuck! They were constantly running and pouring adrenaline into my body! I had gained so much weight that I could not take off. I'm happy to say I am two years out of that relationship and in a peaceful atmosphere! The weight has been sloughing off consistently and all the pain and illness that I had in my body left! I have learned to say no! The biggest NO of all was saying no more of that fake marriage and abuse, saying no and leaving for good.
@tracesprite6078 3 yıl önce
Good on you, Starling Swallow. It sounds like you have made a very healthy choice. Take care of yourself, now, and find things to do that you enjoy. I hope you go from strength to strength.
@Vashti0825 2 yıl önce
Congratulations on your newfound freedom.
@eringobragh6507 Yıl önce
Narcissism is a very specific psychological term. Too many people marry Assholes and then blame it on them being narcissists. Picking partners is also like getting diseases, we bring it on ourselves. For example, the amount of girls I know who meet nice guys, but would rather be with the bad guy. This is an enternal thing. Many girls do not see themselves as good enough for a nice guy. Also from childhood trauma. We need to stop pointing at others for our failures.
@testtest2609 Yıl önce
Amazing story. Very illustrative. Thank you for sharing. Love comments like this.
He's so right about many things. When you learn to say no you find out who your friends are. People fear the consequences of saying no but it's better to be on the outer than everyone's doormat.
@naeru5810 3 yıl önce
@kathleensmith644 3 yıl önce
Very true. Say No if what they are asking for makes you angry, tired, or just put upon. Don’t let them take you for granted.
@winendesertrose 3 yıl önce
Yes I was watching a unrelated video from a y tuber and she was talking about being taken advantage of a doormat. Paraphrasing but went like this:.."Ill be a(your) slave sure Ill be tour slaviest slave ever!" Lol.
@shonazef7351 3 yıl önce
I don’t let anyone walk on me even if Iam going to die and I have less friends and Iam always feel more joy when Iam alone.
Exactly right
@pinkrose8845 3 yıl önce
This doctor just showed me who I am. I’m 60 years old now. Maybe it’s time to respect me more, without guilt. Thanks 🙏
@joseromero81 7 yıl önce
This guy is the best. The world needs his gentle message.
@elirien4264 6 yıl önce
The world does need this message, but you know they won't listen.
@johnjakle943 5 yıl önce
I agree...johnjaklestudio8@gmail.com
@coffeecomics3583 5 yıl önce
A gentle massage might help
And he needs a hair cut
@DilligasDCLXVI But he does, I asked him and he said "yes I should"
@Will-zt9fx 4 yıl önce
"If you want to stay alive, you need to stay authentic"-Dr. Gabor talking about a friend who has cancer and has the courage to confront her abusers as a child and as an adult.
@TofuTeo 4 aylar önce
Oh I love this so ❤
@bensandford2298 3 yıl önce
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti
@mikerayco 2 yıl önce
Thank you for sharing this very profound quote.
@saskiascott8181 Yıl önce
Wonderful quote
@lizrusso9274 5 yıl önce
This talked charged my life. I am 100% serious. Thank you a million times.
@Lee-zz6mb 3 yıl önce
this is the perfect example that every doctor/medical professional should have an education in psychology
@dragosavo 3 yıl önce
Except it hasn't helped psychiatrists who still see everything as chemistry and have totally forsaken the soul.
@essentialoilsme 3 yıl önce
@@dragosavo they all need training in emotional childhood trauma too
@mariahselena9589 2 yıl önce
Not everyone understand it just because they study psychology
Lee, I can agree with you on this...I broke my ankle and my doctor was not only an orthopedic surgeon but also a psychologist and I am convinced that the way he took care of my medical needs as well as my psychological needs allowed him to save my foot and part of my leg from amputation. I agree totally with Dr. Mate: the mind and the body cannot be separated; it is obvious to many of us that this is how it is and how it should be considered when treating any illness.
@sfletch3042 Yıl önce
Absolutely. It baffles me how ignorant of psychology so many doctors are. It is inexcusable imo.
@crystaltharrell 3 yıl önce
“Often what we value in other people is exactly what kills them in the first place.” Wow... just wow.
Agree - Profound!
@EvenStarLoveAnanda 8 yıl önce
Gabor Mate is Brilliant and enlightened. I am proud to be he's country man from Hungary. I pray to God to help me to help all the people in the World like he does.
@susannec659 6 yıl önce
how sweet of you. You sound like a wonderful person. Take care of you.
@freeflyer9412 6 yıl önce
EvenStar LoveAnanda ✌💖 And so you will. Keep your dream alive! I pray the same thing. God bless you.
@whotelakecity2001 5 yıl önce
Mate does have ties to Hungary but he is Jewish and who he is, was in great part shaped by the environment he grew up in- Canada.
@karins9927 3 yıl önce
I feel the same way. But I have noticed that unless I first help myself I can't really help others and I was curious, do you feel like You need help first? Can it be that the ones who need help are the ones wanting to help others? Just a thought
@EvenStarLoveAnanda 3 yıl önce
@@karins9927 We all need help in some areas, that does not mean we can't help others in other areas. Life is NOT Black and White.
@InterestedCitizen 11 aylar önce
What a treasure this man is. Full of compassion.
@persinini8854 4 yıl önce
For the first time TRvid recommended a useful video! Such a gem! I just learned about this magnificent human being! He makes so much sense...
Asthma and Neurodermitis disappeared when I left the narcissist.
@sixtysix2632 4 yıl önce
Good for you.
@missuntitledblog 4 yıl önce
My asthma was triggered because of a narcissist. It comes back when I’m stressed
@makaylakolbe7350 4 yıl önce
I’m so happy for you! I’m glad that you are feeling healthier and left behind someone that wasn’t good for you :)
@hejmRage 4 yıl önce
Same with my eczema.
@singasonga 4 yıl önce
Me too!
@rocheller750 Yıl önce
I was a single mom for 20 years and now I’m taking care of my dad at the end of his life. This information is vital to me. I’m so glad I stumbled upon this video. It is going to take a tremendous amount of discipline for me to start saying no, but I now realize my health depends on it.
@SL-bo7ui 3 yıl önce
“As an adult; You are more important than your attachments”
@teresaiche4722 6 yıl önce
What a gift to humanity this man Gabor Mate is...love and much gratitude x
@sarah29880 5 yıl önce
Teresa Iche yes
@lorithomas4572 3 yıl önce
Teresa Iche h
@gracefulexit2023 3 aylar önce
@kathleenwharton2139 9 aylar önce
Jesus Said it so beautifully..”Be Kind..BUT TRUE. Say Yes when you mean Yes..Say No when You mean No.” 😊❤
@wilma8326 4 yıl önce
So a lot of our immature behavior stems from our need to attach. As a young child, we learned to win the connection we craved by people pleasing: ignoring our gut feelings, repressing our anger, not expressing out needs, putting aside our authenticity, protecting our parents from getting stressed by us. Into adulthood we stayed needy children in certain ways. So sad 😢
@elsievaenz9531 3 yıl önce
Why do people like this aren’t the ones “trending”
@camilleli9945 3 yıl önce
Lol, this generation doesn't care for learning as much as they do about entertainment, money, or politics.
@Johnconno 3 yıl önce
@@camilleli9945 Politics? They're imbeciles politically.
@camilleli9945 3 yıl önce
@@Johnconno yes, but they're acting like they know everything about it.
@Johnconno 3 yıl önce
@@camilleli9945 'Acting like they know everything about it'. You've just had the best PR in history.
@maya_taher 3 yıl önce
I swearrrr
Too good. Even his voice is like meditation.
@shukrillah2589 7 aylar önce
5:21 “so this compulsive and automatic concern for the needs for others while ignoring your own is a major risk factor for chronic illness “ May Allah bless you immensely for your efforts to help and do good Sir Gabor Maté
@MsCanadianAngelxo 6 yıl önce
I've never heard of Dr. Gabor Maté until now. It's rare to find a medical professional that really draws you in. I'm only 9 minutes into this video and I'm totally engrossed with everything he's said so far. He sounds like one hell of an amazing person. :) Thanks for sharing this video! It's been a real eye opener for me in just the first few minutes. I look forward to watching more videos of him. Very insightful!
@calmdowngurl 6 yıl önce
CdnAngelXO me 2
@ammarahmad9976 4 yıl önce
@@Focal-point748 🤦‍♂️
@joshuatoa8150 4 yıl önce
first few minutes and i realized that i had some shit to change. pronto.
@michelleallen3536 3 yıl önce
Joshua TOA me too
@MsCanadianAngelxo 3 yıl önce
@@joshuatoa8150 straight up! 👏👏👏
Appreciate this talk and video so much, thank you Gabor 🙏. In 2016 I faced a deeply traumatic rupture from my family, in which I, finally, disobeyed my mother to protect my youngest child, just 8 at the time. I knew I would be exiled from my family as a consequence for my actions. What I didn't know or anticipate was the unquestioning love and support, physical, emotional and practical that I would receive from my then lover. He stepped up as everyone else fell away from me. He saw he was needed, he held me and sat in that hole with me until I regained the strength to haul myself out. Without him I would have been a totally isolated and traumatised care giver (your recipe for breast cancer as I understand it). I couldn't stop caring, my kids were young. I had to keep on going. But I didn't get sick and I am 100% certain that it was thanks to him. We got married last year 😁❤❤
@swait239 Yıl önce
“Compulsive and rigid identification with duty, role, and responsibility, rather than the needs of the self is a major risk factor for illness.”
@karenmininni4962 5 yıl önce
This doctor is profound and gifted by God. I am truly amazed and being healed.
@marycahill546 4 yıl önce
I am a retired nurse and learned so much from this lecture. He goes to the heart of the matter.
@bethanybrittain473 5 yıl önce
When the Body Says No is an extremely important book. Thank you, Gabor Mate, for writing it. After years of living in domestic violence, I am now wrestling with a rare skin disease, Pemphigoid. My parents hit me at 6 months old for the sin of crying. The only thing that bothers me about Dr. Mate’s work is his blanket statements about well meaning parents. Child abuse and maltreatment is so common place. Giving parents a pass and assuming they did their best doesn’t help those of us trying to end the practice of religious maltreatment. Many of us were “spanked”, terrified my end time doctrine, and denied medical care and prayed for instead. Not holding society accountable for these practices means that they will continue. Regardless, this book has been transformative. And I’m am grateful to Dr. Mate’s hard work and dedication.
I am sure he would agree with you. Parenting is such a wide field of discussion; cultures, religions (yes, our priest scared the hell out of me) and then you get personality disorders, addictions, criminals etc. I think he is referring to “normal” or average parents.
@ellyess7203 5 yıl önce
Stay authentic people! What an excellent piece of advice! It really hits the nail on the head! If that means some people will not like how you change towards them, they are not good for you. Maybe not so easy but I hope there is a way of managing that. My new motto and mantra - Stay Authentic and say No when you need to say it!
@honeys.9579 3 yıl önce
Ask for advice, get money twice from #Pitbull #song
@stopnarcs4673 4 yıl önce
When I stopped supressing my feelings and I finally get contacted to them.. I found out that my husband caused me lot of stress and insecurity and I was deeply afraid of him so I could never express really myself.. Hashimoto and celiac and some dermatitis appeared. My body doesn't want him anymore.. I suffocate in his arms.. no comfort at all.. Of course, I' m to blame fom him and all my family...
@bkorulu 4 yıl önce
Teaches us well enough to say “ me first”. People; you are not selfish when you say “me first” as long as you don’t say “me only”. Dr Mate, hope to meet you in person one beautiful day, your books and work are amazing. God bless you 🙏
@gu2755 2 yıl önce
I love this! 🌻🌞🌈🦄🇿🇦
@neveo9428 4 yıl önce
This man is very intelligent to spot these patterns of psychological pain and linked physical illness; he has a caring manner so maybe that helped him notice such a link. Fascinating.
I think all Drs in Australia should be listening and watching him. This is what understanding medicine and sickness is about. Kindness, compassion all right there. What a good man.
@bsnjennifer 8 yıl önce
I have cared for everyone else and not myself my ENTIRE LIFE. First as the youngest of 3 children of an alcoholic father. And second, as a registered nurse for the past 22 years. Thank goodness I've never smoked, drank, got hooked on caffeine or used illegal drugs. I think that has helped me thus far in my struggle against polycystic ovarian syndrome (and all the secondary health illnesses because of it), obesity, anxiety and major depressive disorder. For the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE, I have said NO MORE and I am finally taking care of myself. It's scary, it's terrifying, but I have no other choice because I'm not done living my life!
@EvenStarLoveAnanda 8 yıl önce
+bsnjennifer Please look into MMS here on TRvid to heal your illness.
@LauraChorba 8 yıl önce
@MsCanadianAngelxo 6 yıl önce
+bsnjennifer your comment inspired the hell out of me. THANK YOU!!!
@EvenStarLoveAnanda 6 yıl önce
If you never smoked and used illegal drugs, how come you have all these issues? Just asking.
@MsCanadianAngelxo 6 yıl önce
+EvenStar LoveAnanda That's a bit like asking why someone would develop terminal cancer when they lived a healthy lifestyle and never smoked a day in their lives. It just happens. Life happens. The air we breathe everyday is laced with cancer-causing substances. There's not always an answer to why things happen. The healthiest people on earth can still have health issues. The likelihood of having health issues also increases with age and can also be genetic. Many people like myself that struggle with Chronic Illness inherit it from family. Direct causes aren't always unknown.
@fembot521 3 yıl önce
As a daycare provider caring for children and parents every day this really hits home for me. Caregiver burnout is real and I suffered a lot by not taking care of myself.
@Sparkle835 Yıl önce
I was supposed to meet my sister, who does not like to be disappointed, for lunch and an event. BUT...I was suffering that day with a UTI. I thought and thought about canceling but just wasn't sure if I needed to. Long story short, my body made the decision for me loud and clear. I texted her my cancelation and I'm so glad I did. I needed to be home in loose, comfy clothes. I needed to rest. Turns out she was very understanding about it. I'm so glad I took care of myself and I'm proud of myself, too 🙂.
@OhHapppyDaay 5 yıl önce
There's a bright, white aura surrounding this man. Moving with him as he moves. xo
@E-Kat 4 yıl önce
I didn't see anything!
@petraberger1384 3 yıl önce
Ellery Hart true
I see that white aura, too...
@jweezbox5063 Yıl önce
This is probably the 15th Gabor Mate video I've seen but I feel like I'm still learning new stuff everytime I dive in. Thank you for doing the work you do and presenting it the way you do it's very much appreciated!!!
@gary1251 3 yıl önce
See that beautiful bike. One reason I ride it is b/c my father was committed - addicted - to cycling (and tennis, and doing Pres. Kennedy's fitness exercises and drinking and smoking and serving/protecting the USA w/ his do gooder deeds as a Naval officer'.Well, my friends, now I am a compulsive cyclist ! Compulsivity = anger, unexpressed rage, sadness - and still trying to get approval from my alcoholic, unavailable, unloving father and mother. Gabor, your teaching are spot on. I am, at 75, finally learning to relax, nurture, meditate, practice seeing the sweetness of god in a flower. Yesterday, on a nature hike on my bike I simply stopped, felt my tired legs and watched a leaf moving in the breeze. That was the sweetness of higher power, my patient awareness. That was practicing seeing beauty is something so simple. I love that practice. I have total respect for Gabor. Gary in Hilo
@SuperLammens 3 yıl önce
wishing you much love and healing and enjoying yr own loving company
@gu2755 2 yıl önce
I wish you peace and joy in your life. My bicycle has helped me heal everytime we hit the road I feel so much freedom I owe her so much she saved my life 🌻🌞🌈🦄🇿🇦🚴🏾‍♀️
@BiggPoppa56 6 yıl önce
I am a product of 1956 Budapest, when at age 5, I left Hungary with my family. Thank you for your very good work - I have been investigating my life for years. Thank you. I am a big fan.
@ilexevergreen5405 4 yıl önce
My mom & her 3 siblings were all under age 6 (6, 4, 3 & 2 yrs old) when they left Hungary in 56. Her parents have never acknowledged or sought help for PTSD (& extreme anxiety in the family). My mom & her siblings also do not admit PTSD & anxiety & do not seek treatment They are all addicts and/or have autoimmune diseases.
@sunshine9717 Yıl önce
This is so powerful. My marriage was so unhealthy. Every which way I turned. I was at the emergency room, then blood clots, then a pulmonary embolism, the gallbladder removal. Then hair falling out, then severe ( can't go inside a store) Anxiety. All from living my life with a husband who didn't give two cents how he treated me. Plus I'm an Asthmatic, from childhood. An abusive Dad (verbally) and growing up nervous, extremely shy not being able to look people in the face. My marriage was killing me. Severe sadness overcame me. Because I couldn't figure out why another grown A.. adult was taking his unhappy life issues. Out on me. But Don think it stops with the hubby. Selfish unappreciated kids. Who feel they are entitled to my time, extra time and my emotions. Well, this video made me wake-up even more. Unhealthy folks should be kept at a distance and miserable folks too. Who blame you for keeping all their issues in. Only to switch up and try to lay their junk at your feet. So I'm kicking dust left and right and finding my comfort zone mentally. My head space and physical being. Will not be a punching bag for the angry and entitled. 💯
Your fault mostly.....you've allowed it, so dont blame others for abusing you, blame yourself for not putting a stop to it. Take responsibility....dont blame. Look in the mirror at the one who is actually responsible.
@christyphillips9197 8 aylar önce
Omg!! Really??
@gwenstacy3033 Aylar önce
​@@heathercloete7450are you serious? Don't hold people responsible for the terrible things they've done? You can accept responsibility for your own actions and resolve to handle yourself differently in the future, but they still chose to do horrible things. People who grow up in abuse are taught that they need to tolerate it and not speak up, so understandably they "allow" people to abuse them - because the abusive people conditioned them to believe that was the "right" choice. Victim blaming doesn't help. She obviously knows now that she is worth more than staying in a usive relationships and there's no need for you to add toxic stress to her load
This man is pure brilliance, praise God for him ❤️
@brusselsprout5851 4 yıl önce
My second time listening, finding much wisdom.
@tamrabourret4937 11 aylar önce
Addressed who I am. How authentic am I. All importance. Realized how strong I am in keeping authenticity. At all costs. All costs. Gabor Mate is excellent in addressing these issues.
@karenmininni4962 4 yıl önce
All women need to hear this message. We nurture and nurture everyone but ourselves.
@umiluv 4 yıl önce
Honestly doesn’t need to be a man vs woman thing. I’m in my late 30s and so far many of my friends and I have lost our fathers all in their 60s. Men aren’t allowed to be emotional or authentic. And I know plenty of women that are narcissistic. This is a message for everyone.
@marywolfe7293 6 yıl önce
All doctors should see this video. Every doctor I go to wants to refer me another one. When I tell them about my growing up in an alcoholic home and then leaving a terrible marriage, then they refer me to talk therapy. I go and talk but I still have the health conditions! It's like a Merry go round. I also have attended alanon meetings and co dependent anonymous meetings too. I also pray to the Lord for total healing because I believe we are body, soul, and spirit. Bless everyone who reads this and I hope that healing comes to all.
@tota6888 6 yıl önce
Just pray the Lord to heal you emotionally and physically, therapy also helps...children, animals, nature...LOVE
@KathyWoolley 6 yıl önce
mary wolfe Check out Be in Health in Thomaston Georgia. Also look up Complex Post Traumatic Stress on TRvid.
@luna9500 5 yıl önce
Mary, I have found true freedom and a gradual awakening through working the 12 steps with a sponsor. I find simple joy on the journey, especially in nature, healthy, yummy food and friendship. May blessings, love, light, medicine and miracles abound for you and yours!
@sherryburrows882 5 yıl önce
I have a couple of chronic diseases, cirrhosis caused by hepatitis C and advanced, severe COPD-emphysema. I was also an injection drug user for many years but have been in recovery for almost 10 years (this time--I've been in and out, with several years at a time followed by several years of relapse a couple of times since 1989--30 years) I've also had chronic stomach infections with H. pylori that caused ulcers, chronic, life-long major depressive illness with psychotic features, post-traumatic stress disorder due to repeated assaults living in the drug world and chronic abuse from a battering partner. Oh, and bullying from peers as a child and verbal, emotional, and some physical abuse during childhood. As far as immune-system disorders go, irritable bowel and interstitial cystitis have plagued me both in active addiction and recovery. So, I get the problem, I really do. Here's what I've done to bring me to my present state of relative contentment. First I've worked the 12-Steps several times and tried to live the principles--acceptance mostly--in my life. I've been a seeker of spirituality for many years, though from issues from my childhood, I couldn't get any peace from Christianity, and having read the Bible in several translations, find it doesn't do anything for me, though it does for many of my friends. First I checked out many of the New Age sorts of things, and still read authors like Marianne Williamson and Alan Cohen. Eventually, I found Buddhism and then Soto Zen Buddhism, which is what I'm just beginning to practice. Mostly it's simple meditation. They have a slightly different take on meditation than some other practices, and their ultimate beliefs are a little different from other forms of Buddhism, Tibetan Buddhism being the one most people in the West know about. The Dalai Lama is the head of Tibetan Buddhism, and everyone knows about him. There really isn't a "head" of Zen Buddhism as far as I know, but there are many teachers, both lay practitioners, and monks. It's the meditation that's the important thing. And all that is, is you sit--in a chair is fine, as most Western bodies aren't capable of doing the Lotus position--upright, with your hands in your lap and your back straight. You focus on your breathing--in, out, in, out and if thoughts come into your mind, as they will, you try not to focus on them and just let them go. That's it. It works if you just keep doing it every day for a few minutes. Maybe 15 minutes to start, then work up to no more than 45 minutes at a time, max. There's more to it, and if anyone is interested, just do a search, on Google or youTube, on Zen or Soto Zen. There are tons of videos and websites that will tell you more. But what I've written here can get anyone started. And it really does bring more peace of mind, and it helped me with my auto-immune disorders. It hasn't helped anything like my COPD, which is a mechanical deficiency caused by physically damaged air sacs in my lungs. It has helped the anxiety that goes along with air hunger, or shortness of breath, though.
@mallory5872 5 yıl önce
Joanna Kujaths TRvid channel has been helpful to me.
@angierubyprice999 4 yıl önce
Fascinating! I wish I could have heard your lecture when I was a student nurse. I still have time, I'm a nurse practitioner in a gp practice an I will apply your teachings to my patients and share it with my colleagues friends and family. Thank you so much Dr Gabor. The world needs this message.
Treat kids well and they grow up to be healthy adults. How true!
@mitchelllands4684 4 yıl önce
God Bless you Gabor, and thanks to God for your family.
@InterestedCitizen 11 aylar önce
The obituary part really opens our eyes.
@roxanharilall9219 11 aylar önce
Parents and childhood can Trigger so much in our bodies.
this guy is brilliant. I love this guy.
@ttrons2 4 yıl önce
I also admire his son Aaron a journalist.
@Victoria-cc8ox 10 aylar önce
Damn. As someone who suffered with anorexia for decades, everything he describes is true to my experience.
@gtiszavari8429 Yıl önce
Absolutely fantastic talk. This is why they always say trust your gut, the body holds an intuition deeper than we know. Children are a great way of observing this, as they act on it without all the conditioning adults have already worn and been conditioned to for years. The process of unlearning patterns of behavior and listening to self is vital for a healthy inner and outer experience. Love and care for others but honor your NO. I'd love to listen to Dr Mate in person, very intelligent and real human being.
@chegeuvera 5 yıl önce
Over the years I've connected the dots instinctively about what Gabor just said. This might be one of the most important talks ever for unhealthy people, especially people with autoimmune disorders.
@nicholassmith7582 4 aylar önce
It's fascinating coming across information when you seemingly not only need it most but when you're ready for it.
Dear Gabor, I adore your work. A note from someone who suffered with bulimia as a young adult - the reason why the girl you mentioned didn't tell her mother about the bulimia she was suffering, is not because she wanted to protect her mother, it's because bulimia is another form of addiction, and addicts feel immense shame. The last thing an addict will do is admit the thing they are ashamed of. They would have to face their own demons if they admitted it.
@Kormac80 Yıl önce
Such a great point. It’s possible that a secondary motive to not tell the mother is to protect her, but I agree the primary is shame. I lived w a woman who was bulimic and it was quite an education.
@donnaedwards2391 11 aylar önce
Beverly are you aware that Dr. Gabor is one of the best addiction specialist in the world!
@KatherineAnnabella 7 yıl önce
Fabulous speech, and his book, "The Body says NO" is very enlightening for anyone with chronic or catastrophic illness. PLEASE SHARE.
@freeflyer9412 6 yıl önce
Kate Ann thank you
@sherryburrows882 5 yıl önce
I shared this on Facebook and will also on Twitter. Everyone should hear it!
@lollylula6399 4 yıl önce
Thank you 💖
@serinadelmar6012 3 yıl önce
it is a good book. It helped me with trauma/PTSD, not with the rare disease I have however.
@hoops8534 3 yıl önce
Wow. When he talks about not wanting to stress his mother. My husband and I are both this way with our mothers. We don’t tell them anything that would worry them. They are both very anxious women, especially when we were young.
@indicablue7450 3 yıl önce
Ive been clean 2 years & for 1 year especially my autoimmune disease has kicked off in a particularly nasty way. What Dr. Gabor says is spot on!!
@KristinBischoff 5 aylar önce
I love everything about this talk. Remembering what he says about the wisdom of the heart and what happens, when we don’t listen to our gut feeling and the sadness and regret that comes with intellectual versus heart or gut wisdom. That is how I lost the love of my life.
@motherofrubbish 2 aylar önce
Thank you Gabor. At (my)82, you are teaching me how to go further, in every sense.
This makes so much sense. For most of my life I have been a caregiver and people pleaser up until I had to have a complete hysterectomy which spiraled me into major depression, anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder. I also was diagnosed with crohns disease within 3 years of my surgery. I also suffered ongoing abuse as a child. My cortisol was tested and it is high. Now I am on bioidentical hormones many years after hysterectomy as well as an antidepressant.
@brigittefunke4541 6 yıl önce
Need for attachment versus need for authenticity - no wonder we have issues!!!!! Full on stuff.
Need for attachment AND a need for authenticity. We have both needs, says Gabor Mate.
@bmd823 4 yıl önce
Need for connection, not necessarily attachment.
@firstladyqueen5985 4 yıl önce
@@elizabethmccardell9082 yes but he said after we "grow up" our need for authenticity should be greater.
@firstladyqueen5985 4 yıl önce
@@bmd823 yes but he did say as we get older aka not kids anymore we should value authenticity over that (or those).
Brigitte Funke yeah.we are full of sh*t.:-)
@taniatoopitsin4709 4 yıl önce
Finally a doctor that makes sense! Brilliant! 💕
@maximeb190 3 yıl önce
Can't believe I only discovered this man in 2021... but that being said, I don't think I would've been ready for what he has to teach until now... Incredible. I wish you all a mind and heart opening New Year.
@Fifiguggles 3 yıl önce
Am an RN who works in mental health and did my first comedy stand up routine at 57. “ Comedians ARE complicated people.
@sarahs872 3 yıl önce
Stress literally destroyed my life! This man in INCREDIBLE !! The world needs more like him 💜🍃
@danskdna8550 Yıl önce
This man and Jordan Peterson...2 of Canada's greatest.
@flachlandbraut 5 yıl önce
you gave me the final pieces to my self-puzzle, dear Gabor .... I praid to god ... please help me .... here you are ❤️
@vera1654 3 yıl önce
Me too. The answer was a contradiction to what I used to think helped.
@WingersWorldwide 3 yıl önce
Your body comprises of 1.Mental Body 2.Physical body 3.Emotional body 4.Spiritual body 5.Etheric body You must learn how to protect your bodies.
@SA-px3ln Yıl önce
How 4,5.6. ?
@teresam280 Yıl önce
What is a etheric body? Could you explain?
@rosexo5778 10 aylar önce
@joannecheekes2396 9 aylar önce
You must learn to balance all these aspects of your body for true good health
@timlewis7218 Aylar önce
This is just symbolic of what you can't understand.
@robshook8866 Yıl önce
Dr. Mate is one of the most enlightened physicians one can listen to. An outstanding communicator with a passion to educate and really reach people.
@stephg4705 4 yıl önce
Dr. Maté is my spirit animal ❤️
@roseh1132 4 yıl önce
@Shoshylynn 4 yıl önce
The adoption story is exactly what happened to me!! Thank you for validating me!
@jcsrst 5 yıl önce
Wonderful! What an amazing person. This talk is a game changer. Thank god for Gabor Mate and TRvid!
@Laurie672 7 yıl önce
Why did anyone say this to me before? Because we do not speak to one another. Because we go to people and get oodles and oodles of supplements. Because we are afraid to disagree. You cannot separate people from the environment. He has much to teach us and show us.
@grahamkeil3219 4 yıl önce
Brilliant man All conveyed with empathy and care Thanks
@sueb6662 4 yıl önce
He is brilliant.... repressed anger leads to autoimmune disease or cancer. express yourself
@ruthmarshall1879 4 yıl önce
This is SO eye opening! I finally after 20+ years had to walk out the door, but true to form, I waited until all my kids were through school🤪🤪
16 years caring for a child with severe special needs. 4 years ago I put myself first to be stronger for him. Eventually it took 10 years off my life. No joke.
@indicablue7450 3 yıl önce
Medical doctors should be required or simply have the savvy, if they've come across Dr. Gebor Matè, to studdy his work & findings. It makes so much sense, everything he's taught in this lecture. Veru enjoyable video. I didnt read the description so I felt every few sentences, WOW, I get that!! Awesome! Will definitely share this. Thanks Dr. Gebor Matè!!!!♡
@marycasper6514 4 yıl önce
I was continually stressed by "the silent treatment". Sometimes 3 weeks at a time. I was born with bronchial asthma'. I no longer have it. I"m 83 yrs old.
@jct4611 3 yıl önce
Me as well... silent treatment. I cry so much I get sick ..
@serinadelmar6012 3 yıl önce
bless your heart ♥️
@lyndagg3183 3 yıl önce
That's such great news, Mary! How can this be broadcast more widely? I hope you are well 💕
You're not 83. Those period punctuations are too edgy!
@jaiminsharma 3 yıl önce
OMG... that's so terrible... I am so sorry to hear that Mary...
@GlobalLightWorks 9 yıl önce
Incredible and shocking first 8 minutes. You decide if these keep you hooked. Careful and enlightening insight by Dr. Gabor Mate. My search for Dr. Siegel's works brought me to this treasure. Not intended for the weak-minded. A MUST for care givers, health consultants and therapists.
@katjathesaurus3800 8 yıl önce
Sorry. I died b4 strong. Stubborn thou... Head gave in... Must for alL by caregiver interferwnce or whatwver whom...they let me find better n splatter... As if. Reknown n credibility to appeal to batteling over such... Expertece of trauma eureca .. Weak gotta fight back. I nevwr so hostile b4 the mind possessive encountes gavw me the view assume major part. Learn from idiot. ChalLenge u
@johnjakle943 6 yıl önce
Gabor is my hero....AA's Clancy imislund of the pacific group is my enemy...I don't have an obsession to drink by listening to Mate.
@Olhamo 6 yıl önce
if you are not triggered, not resistant, in these first few minutes, then I wonder! are you a caregiver, or the one suffering... and then, a question. are the caregivers also exhibiting patterns of being... very associated to chronic illness...
@MsLaurenPanda 5 yıl önce
GlobalLightWorks is it possible for therapists to continue healing practices.. as long as we know our limits, take breaks when needed, even switch professions if needed for a longer amount of time? I've taken 2 solid years off of massage therapy, and have been doing treeplanting seasonally and lived on EI and savings off season to work on myself and heal. If I had pushed through and stayed in that job I would have been a wreck. I do dream of returning to the healing work professionally but only when I am fully taken care of emotionally and physically.
@CarlosHfam 5 yıl önce
GlobalLightWorks commenting for saving thanks
@lisawhittington4 4 yıl önce
I'm listening to you talk and it's so enjoyable. I sense no anxiety. You are so sincere and relaxed and your voice, pace and tone really makes an incredible difference as I learn from you. Your sense of humor is uplifting. You're mother must be an awesome person. God bless you and thank you for sharing.
@greentree730 4 yıl önce
Dr. Gabor Mate is so brilliant I am speechless. What a gift to hear him talk. So many people spend years searching for the answers, many have had people say get over it...thank you Dr.
@Down.a.rabbithole 3 yıl önce
I suffer with chronic pain and it gets much when I'm in the company of selfish people
@innervitality3120 2 yıl önce
This was one of my favourite talks - I took this into the workplace and tried to help patients and recommended your books.As a clinical pharmacist it’s difficult to separate such topics -however I have educated colleagues and most importantly those whose body says “no”. Thank you ,thank you , thank you 🙏
@TheoriginalRainy 11 aylar önce
I would genuinely appreciate just an hour with this man . Could change everything for me. I am Watching and listening and im in awe .... just this would be my wish . Thank God for this man and his knowledge .
@SueMoseley 5 yıl önce
Mindblowing, and confirms what my gut instinct has been telling me.
@hayaalhibshi937 4 yıl önce
@izjones4152 4 yıl önce
Same im a nurses aide and single mother and i honrstly feel like my work is goung to kill me i am always sick now i know why
@sharon-py7os 3 yıl önce
Everytime I listen to dr gabor is like a good truthful friend who puts his hand on my shoulder. God...with people like him I believe I'm sane.thank you ,everytime.
@nadynecolleton 6 aylar önce
Giving yourself tough love you think is taking something away from yourself and making yourself uncomfortable, but by taking away and or letting go of the excess, you’re actually giving yourself the real love that you’ve always deserved.
@jodyvanderheyde6066 3 aylar önce
" you are more than your attachments". Mindblown.
@remarkablyroyce 4 yıl önce
He is a blessing to the mankind
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