Repelling a Vulnerable Narcissist | Borderline, Histrionic, & Dependent Traits 

Grandiose harms in both ways actually

Qualified? Ha! Living with one is all the qualifying school that one needs

@Rescue Lady- you’re the narc? Requiring diagnosis would likely not happen and it takes at least 9 months to diagnose. No narcissist is doing that much work.

Yep I'm dealing with the vulnerable one myself and have been for years started lessoning theses about a yr ago and they have helped me have the strength to leave. Unfortunately still dealing with him but I'm getting stronger every day

@Catrina Lively You’ve taken the first step already! You are opening your eyes and seeking help & knowledge !Be gentle with yourself , Narcs make you feel like you can’t trust your own inner voice .. you will choose the right choice at the right time .. Your instinct to be happy is because you know you deserve better! You can do it .. I believe in you.. And I’m proud of you

BAM, THANK YOU SO MUCH

I use that advice with my boss every single day. I remind him that I am not his mommy or his wife.

THIS ONE!!! i felt like a slave at some point

@myhorsemyheartgood for you for standing up for yourself! but worth noting that in 2023 wives aren’t meant to be servants either…

@King D true!!!!

SKYWALL Enterprise Maybe unhealthy coping strategies? If not fully narcissistic?

Oh my gosh yes! Say ‘no’ early on to see response. It’s so easy to be complacent and flexible early on when you’re infatuated, but it allows people without boundaries to fly under the radar until you’re invested.

Nazar 26 same situation...you spoke my mind.....feels good knowing I'm not the only one

Nazar 26 Adding to what @SKOL said, which I agree with, Dr Grande has discussed having a few “traits” but that this doesn’t mean having the personality disorder.

Nazar 26 i can relate To you. All you can do is accept you did those things, forgive yourself and do your best to repair relationships. Best of "luck" with you!

Thank you

Does anybody like rejection whether they are vulnerable narcissists or not? I can’t stand rejection. It’s the worst feeling in the world.

@Ann Oravetz it's not about liking or disliking rejection. It's about not being able to handle even a little hint of rejection. Like, they call you out of blue and want to hang out the same day. When you say that you can't, they take it personally, as if you rejected them, they can't think that you had other things to do and the chances that you would be available if they didn't tell you before were low. Or another example, they offer to pay for you in the cafe. You don't want to accept, they think that you reject them, their entire personality and even humiliate them. You see where I'm going, right?

Nicely done

Could you please cut the kindling bundles in half, I know it's too late tonight, but maybe in the morning before you come to town and we can go sell them to choms before heading to the mill?

Yes...I knew!! someone like that!

this one is very accurate , ina matter of seconds they switch

True, like many of these things it's not linear or so black and white. And it's possible you guys didn't identify them correctly too. I mean, what's the margin of error with the best psychologists, let alone your average person who's taken an interest in personality disorders/traits? This is a field of study that's pretty complex. Lots os false positives/negatives. I see it mainly as guidelines you can use which may be prove helpful but not always.

It's a spectrum and about what they do most of the time. My wife is primarily vulnerable and covert. She doesn't get angry but she guilt trips like hell. She's also pretty damn arrogant, she's a little less bad in public, but the more comfortable she is the worse she gets. To hear her tell it she was the smartest kid in school.

Yea 5 months meeting face to face they got physical. Seemed embarrassed and mortified. I felt bad for them when they said sorry.. Like wtf is THAT!

Yep. That happened to me. Black and white thinking.

That was my ex divorced finally after 32 years what a relief 😅

Constantly breaking up

My mother married one (2nd husband)... my childhood was not fun.

Yes it happened to me often. They take you on expensive travels, and the particular person I'm talking about actually buy me a car. An expensive car. She came home, give me the keys and said 'its yours' it was the car I always wanted. No one has never done that mutch for me and I was scared because a week after that, she asked me to propose her. I never did. I propose her to pay for the car instead.

Look out for gifts that have hooks......I got two Narc's who practise gift giving with strings...to create the pretense of obligation. I had to tell them, "No more gifts on B-day or Xmas". Of course, they ignored that warning. It's one of their favorite games....and they don't have alot of creativity.

Oh yeah! My VN made me promise to travel back with her to her family's for every other holiday. Fine, I guess. Just so rigid. But then she double-dipped for the Fourth of July. I called her out and she guilt tripped me SO hard. I would never have been allowed to do that, but when she wanted it, it was COMPROMISE.

Freedom how?

I hope you are feeling better now you are aware of the truth. I know how this feels from personal experience.

My mom too,she made sure to turn all my sisters against me . Knowing for sure that you aren't actually a problem is freeing in very many ways,you get time to analyze how their actions have affected you and what you can do to change that and stay away from them.

@Miserable Northerner I understand why you feel freedom. The mere knowing and understand what you were put through is going to give you a sense of freedom.

Emily Chandler,You got a lovely smile 😊

proud or impressed? Proud is an interesting word from a therapist viewer I think.

yes! I did this and almost lost my life.

He will try to find your weak spot first , and then pretend to help you out.

so will she!

Yep. My best friend is a vulnerable narc. I owe her $3,500🙄

In that I'm kinda invulnerable fortunately. I don't owe anybody a damn thing and nobody owes me a thing either. I offered because I wanted to, that's on me, and if you give me something is because you wanted to, and that's on you. My mom is forever getting her heart broken for not getting favors and gifts reciprocated. I learned to not expect reciprocation watching her getting disappointed over and over

Yeah, watch out for level jumping and surprisingly generous gift giving but most importantly some discomfort on their part when you reciprocate the giving immediately. That discomfort shows that they have to have the upper hand in social relationships. They want you to worship them for their generosity and be in debt to them indefinitely. With this tactic of keeping a strict social ledger they will become very irritated and start making those tell-tale narcissitic barbs. Eventually the relationship will end with bad feelings on both sides but at least you didn't get sucked in for decades of this toxic bullshit.

Hard lesson learned here too, never accept anything from them because they feel like you owe them for it!

They are needy empty Abyss which you can never Fill- run for the HILLs!!!!!!!!

Wandering Free definitely!

Be careful unmasking the individual though ... your life could be ruined.

Thunder Cat Absolutely. I know from first hand experience!

My mother.

Makes me want to cry because I just now figured this out regarding my ex girlfriend. Everyone thinks she's bpd, but she most reflects this disorder.

that fake niceness... oh yes. Blew a facade of a covert recently .. underneath was a completely different person.

Test no1 Do you want to hear about my sob story? Don't worry I'm very nice.

@Martin Major TRUTH.

yes they love to play the victim

I have finally identified the 'game'that has had many shapes over many years between a daughter and me . I am provoked and defend myself .Then it's like turning over an omelette , and l am accused of being unkind , negative , etc . I affirm my love and am bombarded more . Isay 'enough' and feel rotten . But is my child .

Excellent description wolf 🐺 in sheeps 🐑 clothing 👌

@David Buchholz Yeah my friend right now says I am always talking about myself. I am either 100% about others, and I get hurt and disappointed when I get nothing in return, or I get 100% about myself, and people hate that because it’s being self-centered. You are right. Stop trying. I was in a group session, long ago, and the ladies said, “You’re doing too much, and it turns you into a monster.”

This sounds like so many God damn mind games Jesus

@Ann Oravetz My tip as a person who got abused by a covert narcissist throughout my childhood and developed the opposite personality type. I think we're all supposed to be selfish, whether you're a narcissist or not. Work on developing empathy for selfish reasons. The nr. 1 benefit to have empathy is a sense of connection to others. It's literally a feeling you feel in your chest. It feels good even if the other person doesn't 'give anything in return'. You'll start feeling it when you build your empathy and it becomes something you're skilled at. Over time, naturally there are a lot of benefits too since you will genuinly like other people. And that will show in your smile, in your presence and other people will genuinly like you too. Just focus on putting yourself in other people's shoes at least once a day and make it a continuous practice. I'm not a vulnerable narcissist but I imagine that if I would be, I 'd feel an overwhelming amount of loneliness. Because you can't afford to have people know exactly who you are and how you feel since they'd repel you. Build some empathy and character that you're proud to show off to others

Recovering VN here. It’s tough out here especially coming to the table with hurt feelings. Getting honest with my hurts and recognizing no one is perfect helps. ENFORCING personal boundaries so I lead the life that’s right for me.

@David Buchholz I am kind of arriving there myself. I dont know if I am a VN but probably AM. My mother is grandiose my father was too and alcoholic, my two sisters definitely are of course I didnt come out of that household without a truck load of issues too. And I agree, isolation, and videos and books and I do 12 step meetings too, but basically keep out of trouble trying to work on myself. Cant afford a 2-300 a hour therapist with my salary. Fuck it. Give up lol. Its not like I said when I grow up I want to be a vulnerable narcissist. yay me. It would be nice to come from a healthy functional family and have my head on straight. But I didnt win that lottery. There is so much info on you tube now, its so helpful. If you cant afford a therapist you can learn about IFS and do it yourself and ACA zoom meetings are super helpful for me. thats all I got right now lol. Good luck

It depends on the severity - in many narcissists, there is very little in their personality other than the disorder. Many grandiose of narcissists are like this. It's impossible for them to change and most don't want to anyway.

I smell bull

@spider ok good nose!

I don't believe 'personality' can change; a person may adapt thier behavior or even beliefs to better 'fit in' or to get what they want easier in any given situation, but at the end of the day stripes are stripes and spots are spots... A lion can hunt alone, or in groups. They can hunt at night or during the day. They can ambush or chase, but bottom line: the lion's gonna eat!! I didn't hear Dr. Grande cover this, but I believe the worst thing you can do is let them know that you figured out the difference between spots and stripes!! Employ these strategies for your own safety and piece of mind but do not ever tell them you 'sniffed them out'!!

I applaud your effort and initiative. It's TRUE some cant change bc they dont have self reflection (and have developed as defense mechanism to protect themselves as they insecure) and empathy but if this two things are working on and theres radical acceptance of oneself and self love (not egotism or ego) it can happen. You will definitely get there. You seem to work hard to identify and have radical acceptance and working on accountability. I've not had npd but did have some narcissistic traits and I've worked thru them same as my depression and anxiety to now lead a healthy, peaceful life. I keep working on stuff but im no longer in such dark mental space so I believe a person can change. Wish you the best 🖤 hope u doing well

Ad Astra yes it’s a way of getting them to show their true colours. But it’s also an opportunity for them to act victimised and exaggerate your criticism to others and play the splitting game. It depends on the scenario if it’s a good idea or not I think 😉😊

@Leah True, true! It does depend on who you're dealing with & the circumstances under which you cross paths with this person. I'd say I was considering a dating scenario, where you're trying to "screen" people. But, if you were within a work environment & so had ongoing relations with such a person, applying the "tactic" I've mentioned here, as you've pointed out, may cause, or set up, an ongoing issue. So tricky! Thanks ;)

Ad Astra yup exactly 😉

Even just expressing a different opinion and sticking to it will make them angry and defensive. They consider that to be you criticizing them even though you aren’t asking them to change their opinion.

@Jean Solano True! It's really exhausting being around a person like that. HIGH maintenance, right?!

I did this and do this....but they keep showing up !!!!

How did you identify her as a covert narcissist? I'm new to the subject and have a hard time drawing the line. Some articles say they quickly feel shame and are worried about their perceived status. But this feels pretty general and everyone has to some extent right?

@Emmie it took me awhile to identify what her problem was. I had intuition that something about her was off but couldn’t put my finger on it. I’m a recovering codependent so it’s a work in progress and I still seem to attract narcissists. They become a little easier to identify over time. So really early on in our friendship she started crossing boundaries by asking me to help her with things like packing and moving stuff. She would always show up late while I was left waiting to help her with something. Then she felt comfortable enough to start treating me like her personal assistant without offering any sort of compensation. When I would say no she would keep trying to convince me to do it. When I stopped answering her calls she would gaslight my voicemail by saying things like “if you don’t want to do something you can just say no”. When I wouldn’t respond to her gaslighting she would get angry and say things like “I’m tired of not getting the respect I deserve”. She took a lot of benign comments personally and always had to address them to “set the record straight”. Also, she attracted or caused an incredible amount of drama in her life. There was always some sort of crisis and she was a perpetual victim of everyone, without taking any personal responsibility for her poor choices. On top of all of it she thought she was a really good person because she would drive a long way to drop off her recycling at a place that would take whatever it was when the local place wouldn’t take it. She was so exhausting. They usually move on when they feel that you’ve “disrespected” them because they’re so goddamn self important. She has zero friends and her family has distanced from her. That should’ve been my first clue. Edit: I forgot to add that she immediately started texting me like 4 times every day asking my advice about things. She was also so paranoid that she would never disclose any real details about herself or what she was doing. It was the weirdest experience I’ve ever had with a “friend”.

Mine did the same, but whenever she happens to see me she pays me lip service about how she misses me although she never reaches out. I find it amusing now, but it really upset me when it first happened.

@Springdaisy I miss people but could never being myself to continually reach out to someone who isn't reciprocating it, but if I saw them and said that I missed them, that wouldn't make it any less true

So basically, a kind of "angry bird"?

I am picking up to understand narcissism and it seems they are all around or maybe I am also one of them.!!

Not necessarily addicted to substances. I know 2 that are just bitter and envious of everyone they feel has higher status than they do. Maybe they're addicted to materialism and using people.

Yes. And then you try to blame the addiction. Are they a narcissist or is it the addiction? Then you read a hundred books on addiction amd a hundred books on narcissism. Because you don't want them to be one its horrible

Yup mine was addicted to weed. She was SO nice on weed. She was the girl I had wanted her to be. But she HAD to have it.

Damn, same story with me but it took me until 39. ugh

Spot on !

Sounds JUST like my ex. The pets/children thing for sure. Very interesting.

Yes, in hindsight... one would have the insight not to be led quickly to intimacy and thus the dynamics could be averted. The whole Soulmate scenario actually occurred blindingly fast. My vulnerability in this area had zero defence... until now.

Oh so true.

I’m dealing with a family member. It’s interesting how many people go right to romantic partners. What if it’s the crazy landlady, a friend, an adult sibling?

Great advice. X was visibly enraged that I wasn't disclosing more personal information with him. He was talking about love and babies and marriage. We only dated three-is months! There is so much more OFF than on with these types and it's all easy to spot when you know what to look for and follow your instincts. Or just disagree/say no and see what happens 🤷🏾‍♀️

Sandra Gifford,You don’t need a narcissist in your life!

Isn't Landmark associated with Scientology????

It has absolutely nothing to do with scientology.

Thank you for using the words "I think" instead of being 100% certain, like many of the posts from viewers of the channel. It shows humility and a more realistic approach. But it definitely sounds like you were dealing with quite a handful (borderline? maybe just vulnerable narciss.) It's always creepy when you notice someone trying to manipulate or pull you into their hate factory toward another- and their strong reactions when you resist.

I imagine you don't use the gasligthing to everyone else though?

It’s incredible isn’t it? I rarely find my experiences to have much resonance with most people, but when it comes to narcissism, the patterns are eerily familiar.

If you are still there you have to just get rid. I was with one it was hell. I'm 2 years free and I wish I'd done it sooner. It is a waste of time they will drain you they don't give a damn about you its like banging head against brick wall. I urge you to run I know everyone says that to people in abusive situations but it's the only solution

@Lena D Ramone thank you I should maybe have run but instead I waited until I could act not react with respect and compassion and openness. (That’s where I went wrong) So I thought we “agreed” since he said so. Now I know, never ever trust their word especially the vulnerable narcs I’ve lived with both and find the covert narc to be the most deceitful and scared, and therefore the most dangerous. So anyway i told him….this just isn’t working for all the reasons we’d discussed/argued over the past 4 years. All narcs immediate response is paranoia and fear and revenge no matter what mask they put forth. But still when he “agreed” with the plan of slowly moving forward & I set myself and my grandson towards independence. By setting up a personal sleeping & office space to gradually join the workforce. He said yes he was on board to compassionately gradually unentangle our lives gently and see where we decided to go from there. So, He waited planning behind my back completely unknown to me. Then in a matter of two days, while I was finally feeling proactive and relieved as I felt falsely assured that he was in agreement with my new boundaries and future plans to find myself again, he ran away in the night. Left us with nothing, but what I could fit into a small storage container. He made sure I had no money, took my car which was a gift, closed MY bank account and canceled all my credit cards. My precious grandson had to move in with other family members-for which I’m grateful. I had raised my grandson to 15 and that alone was my goal-to not allow a child to lose another home, family, school or friends especially in the midst of Covid. But my fiancé ripped us apart on purpose and left me as helpless as he possibly could. Its been both incredible and terrifying for me to face the fall out. I’m still on my journey to self actualization, still growing up into my power finally even tho I’m 59. I know for a fact my best days are ahead. But we’re post emancipation already two years and he only contacts my family ever once in a while…. Coward Won’t even talk to me on the phone-thankfully because I have nothing to say to him. He’d rather play games of hide and seek manipulating games through text so I shut that down THE day he left. Like so many id already had some insane calamity in my life and used my old ways to cope that we’re effective enough to keep me from ending it ☠️but apparently this is THE actual turning place for me. I still ride the struggle bus about 30-50% of the time., which is HUGE progress considering I was knocked right off my center of misery (with him) into the worst dark night of my life. Feeling the fear and shame and loss of self identity and frozen like I’ve only been in my youth. I asked for months and months on end, “who WAS I when I was with him and who the hell am I now? And believe me I’ve been through some hard stuff before. In the end-well at this juncture of my life, I am beyond grateful that he left. Even the way he did it was Perfect for me and now I know even for my grandson. ❤️

@Kathy McCoy I think they are very competitive covert narcissists. I barely think about my ex I don't see myself as victim but survivor ... hope you're okay xx

@Lena D Ramone yes competitive! I saw that but didn’t expect him to race me to the exit. 😉 I’m well very well, thank you for commenting.

Hindsight sure is 20/20 ! But when you realize it, it's traumatic.

Wish I'd known 32 years ago.

NeuroPsych Roberts Same here It’s better late than never & never would have been too late so we’re the fortunate ones

Yup, lucky to be away after 25 yrs

God was the only one who helped me get out of that mindset. Best of luck recovering bro there are good people out there

Can relate. My ex wore me down to open up and accept help as I really needed it but I had a super hard time anyone close after family abandonment. Then made me regret it. I still am haunted by it. It was the worst time of my life and he was supposed to be my partner - yet he was playing with my mind and pride and well-being. I almost died and I’m still not myself. Sick people.

7 years into the worst period of my life while being married to a VN. I never even knew such a thing existed. Codependency, loneliness, low self esteem, heartbreaks, I am living it all, brother. It all makes sense now. God Bless.

Such a rude awakening. Wish you all healing.

Yes! I love your comment! You have been shown the truth and given freedom! It is nearly divine as an experience - I hope you find what to be thankful for during the tragic beauty of healing!

I felt as if I was writing these words myself or you read my journal. I’m dealing with the heartbreak of choosing wrong. And realizing that I guess I’m codependent as I’m seen the pattern of the two men I actually gave my all too. I feel sick to my stomach literally almost every day since the veil came off my eyes after he took his mask off a year ago but I still didn’t understand or had an answer and kept just working on me. Weak, debilitating and annoyed is how I feel . I keep telling myself that it took him 4 years to tear me up slowly so of course I can’t pick myself up victorious in a month. But I want to so bad. I married him. So I’m staying on one side of the house and leave when his here. It’s refreshing to at least be able to identify his tactics now as before I was confused and overwhelmed.

Same. Ticks every box for me. 4 years in a relationship with one, in the last year I figured something's very wrong with her behavior, also mine (couldn't recognize myself anymore, low self esteem, completely drained both physically and mentally, worsened overall health). Dodged a bullet there, cause I planned to marry her. She also ejected herself just like that and after 2-3 weeks found a replacement/new supply, probably had it lined up already. Two months after that, I heard she found yet another one. They never change and it's all a cycle for them. Did some counseling, also Prof. Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon videos helped me a lot (deep and profound knowledge, the best available out there, a strong recommendation), also watched Dr. Grande's videos for detailed stuff/finesses, for future "self defense". Be aware who you let close to you and identify them on time. All the best.

Thank you for posting the book title suggestion in your comment. The sample I read looks very good, I hope you are doing okay and continue like me to be helped by Dr Grande's wonderful channel. Wishing you all the best wherever your journey has taken you now.

Suzy Q,You look gorgeous 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

I feel like they are easy to identify just think of someone who even though they have a great job and a privileged life style yet they complain forever about anything and everything, they turn themselves into the center of the conversation with their "issues" "illnesses". At least the grandiose narcissist it is more fun to hang out with because they have no apparent "problems."

@Passionate Brazilian Girl. Well said!

They are the sneakiest and most difficult to call out.

It is a long and strange recovery. Hang in there. Sometimes you need silence other times you need distractions. It's shocking and depressing to look back at what you went through. You must be very nice to have stayed and tried for so long. I hope you can get yourself back. Cheers to your less complicated life.🙏🏽

So they have both BPD and vulnerable narcissism? That sounds tough to deal with.

Yes. Throw in Avoidant, psychotic, dissociative, and immobilised by fear at times. They can harm you from a distance. Gaslighting is abuse of the worst kind.

They use the police like a 7 year old tries to use mom and dad to get at a sibling.

Sounds like my dad

I so understand what you're talking about! Yes, you need some recovery time. It's like you've been run over by one of those road asphalt flattening machines. No joke.

@diane9247 I want to know that feeling...just woke up after 40 years...now it's clear? all the chronic, serious health issues...emotionally dead...spiritually in need...financially broke....

Yes, even their phrases are predictable. I see them immediately and I can tell they know I know. Totally worth the pain the trauma and resurfaced truth caused, free now

I totally relate - it took years of recovery fro me from the trauma I suffered at the hands of two NPD romantic relationships. I feel the same way - I learned a lot and I am getting so much better at spotting them; however VN’s are very difficult to spot initially cause they’re sneaky.

Yes, I too suffered a ptsd event. So hard. I was on the brink of checking into a hospital. It came from a single event that crossed lines and inflicted a cognitive dissonance that was based on the big lie and inside out reality. I am a repeat sufferer of this kind of an event and it took me back to my own childhood trauma...

Ditto. But mine would do it without my knowledge sometimes. "Here, let me help you with College" *four years later* "Oh, you thought I was paying for your college? Here's the bill with all the interest worked out year on year."

My dad told me to go ahead and arrange my mum's funeral!! His wife's!!! Then, was furious when he got the bill. I was totally confused, as I thought I was doing him a favour. He expected me to pay for it.

Same! My dad did the same thing. Now he’s trying to offer to help me pay for something i really need and i instantly am wondering what it is that he wants from me. I wish I could accept his offers as kindness but I refuse to believe that he just changed like that. He can’t do anything for anyone unless there is a benefit for his ego.

The part at the end about him wanting to offer to pay for something big but then making up the excuse that it’s too expensive through some fault of your own as a way to step out of the offer he made is my N Father to the core

When it's been your entire life, it's way more complex to break ties. When it's a parent and going no contact is the only way and you have no other family, life is brutal. Everything makes sense to me now but where was this in the education system. I believe I was even bullied or had 'admirers' and stalkers like this in and out of highschool. The amount of disordered people surrounding me must be up there with record breaking quantities. A bright light in a cave filled with monsters. When I was a teen I would have nightmares about my mom and later on my ex and would switch to my mom. I've gone no contact and it's the only way she can't do more damage. One time she even told me she thinks I need to get away from her, my ex said the same (as in for my own survival). In some weird way I think they both cared about me but couldn't love. Heartbreaking for everyone.

I'm wondering if my mother was a vulnerable narcissist. I know my ex girlfriend is.

Math D: Block and delete is more of what the Narcissist does after inflicting abuse. They don't care - and think nothing of it to do it again and again- So- The ole' Block and Delete' and not take responsibility for it, is more their style.

@Lux Meow I appreciate your story. And many people probably wouldn't believe that so many can really surround a person like us. But it's TRUE !

@Lux Meow I also wonder where it was in our education system too. It's like they didn't know diddly - squat then...

Ann lvselvis so true 👍🏻 . It’s so bad I think schools should give kids option classes

Ann lvselvis we need a new movement #narctoo 🤷‍♀️

Something you wrote really struck me. I tell people all the time that setting boundaries is not unkind. That's what narcissists and abusive people tell us. Enabling is actually less kind. The movement we need to start is to do away with the teaching that boundaries are unkind. Having a lock on your door is not unkind. Using it is not unkind. It lets others know when you don't want them to come in. And that's ok. Having and using boundaries aren't unkind.

Escape From Crazytown funny you mention locks on doors as I have had to use mine inside my home as I get triggered if anyone bursts into my bedroom or bathroom without knocking (and yes this did happen before I started using the locks consistently).

@Rones 33 , I would be startled, too, if someone just burst through my door. Boundaries are like those locks that allow us to select who we want to let in and what behaviors we want to let in to our life.

Kylie Nolan sounds eerily similar to the person I was in a relationship with.

@C. R. probably was lol I met him on a dating app, looking back I think he was still very active on the dating sites when he and I were exclusive searching for new supply and keeping old supply in reserve. Also at the end of it I realised I never really knew much about him - Because he was like a chameleon , he became everything he thought I wanted , wanted the same goals, same hobbies etc. Also I don't think there actually was much to know about him because he was kind of empty, there was no depth - which I wonder if that is another giveaway of a covert?

So what if the person I’m with told me I’m a covert Narc and I haven’t completely left because I have guilt co/dependency issues. I have tried to ghost him/ignore him/end the relationship and have pretty much told him I don’t think I’m in love anymore after he has told me over and over I have BPD and am a covert Narc and everytime we get into a argument he throws that I’m a covert Narc constantly. It’s made me resent him diagnosing me and Constantly talking about bpd and he has a psychology background btw. He’s Not a psychologist. But knows a lot. Anyway, I know I have mental health struggles, anxiety, panic attacks and depression but I had never been diagnosed with BPD by any dr. I have been with This person for almost 10 years. I met him when I was going through a separation/divorce. He’s the one that approached me and perused me more. I was interested but he lied by saying he was in a similar situation but he made it seem like he lived with a girlfriend not a wife. he then 2 months later he told me she was pregnant and I stayed with this guy for years while he was still married and I didn’t want to. I felt guilt and bad for the wife and it caused me literal hell. To love and hate this person at the same time at what he was putting me through by not letting me go or move on since he was staying married and staying he said till the child was old enough. He said he didn’t want to abandon his child which I understood. But I’m starting to wonder if this caused me to become like BPD or caused trauma for me and we have a trauma bond now and I can’t leave or get him to leave. I don’t know who can help me with this. I’ve tried counseling and trying to get help. But haven’t gotten the right advise or help:(

What I don’t understand is if he’s in the psychology field and he actually thinks I’m a covert Narc or BPD why he would want to be with me still?!

I have asked him this. His response is you can’t choose who you fall in love with.

"it's not the person who's evil, it's the *act* " - ✌🏻

Emily Fleming,You look cute 🌹🥀🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

@Christian Pulisic me too ;)

@Emily Fleming Which country are you from?

Yes. So important to look for: Victim mentality and ultra sensitive to perceived criticism or actual constructive criticism or ANYthing that questions the perfect ‘false self” that helps some survive neglect and abuse and the rejection of the real little self who the parents could or would not honor… The true self was rejected and it seems that the false self must never be rejected

Well done for protecting yourself! Wish i'd known these things 20 years ago

I didnt know until now vulnerble narcs are not anything like NPD, yet more BPD. Thhis clears up a lot of the generalized missed targets Ive seen typically only about Grandiose.