Repelling a Vulnerable Narcissist | Borderline, Histrionic, & Dependent Traits 

Dr. Todd Grande
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This video answers the question: How do you repel a vulnerable (covert) narcissist without repelling everyone? This can be a difficult task in the context of romantic relationships with narcissists, because narcissists are particularly effective at appearing attractive in early stages of romantic relationships.
There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.



25 Eyl 2023




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Evelina 8 aylar önce
“You can't force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.” “You will never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.” “Stay away from people who can't take responsibility for their actions and who make you feel bad for being angry at them when they do you wrong.”✨☘️🙏
SassyFox827 2 yıl önce
😲 “The grandiose narcissist typically harms at a distance, while the vulnerable narcissist harms those who are closest” 💡💡💡💡 lightbulb moment for me! Thank you Dr Grande 🙏🏼
Sarah MK
Sarah MK 2 yıl önce
Grandiose harms in both ways actually
willy wokeup
willy wokeup Yıl önce
Qualified? Ha! Living with one is all the qualifying school that one needs
A Pove
A Pove Yıl önce
@Rescue Lady- you’re the narc? Requiring diagnosis would likely not happen and it takes at least 9 months to diagnose. No narcissist is doing that much work.
Catrina Lively
Catrina Lively Yıl önce
Yep I'm dealing with the vulnerable one myself and have been for years started lessoning theses about a yr ago and they have helped me have the strength to leave. Unfortunately still dealing with him but I'm getting stronger every day
Jettsetgirl Yıl önce
@Catrina Lively You’ve taken the first step already! You are opening your eyes and seeking help & knowledge !Be gentle with yourself , Narcs make you feel like you can’t trust your own inner voice .. you will choose the right choice at the right time .. Your instinct to be happy is because you know you deserve better! You can do it .. I believe in you.. And I’m proud of you
paisley dreamz
paisley dreamz 3 yıl önce
"Don’t do things for them they can do for themselves" a-1 advice doc. Thank you!
Joy Winfree
Joy Winfree Yıl önce
myhorsemyheart Yıl önce
I use that advice with my boss every single day. I remind him that I am not his mommy or his wife.
Drea T
Drea T 7 aylar önce
THIS ONE!!! i felt like a slave at some point
King D
King D 4 aylar önce
@myhorsemyheartgood for you for standing up for yourself! but worth noting that in 2023 wives aren’t meant to be servants either…
myhorsemyheart 4 aylar önce
@King D true!!!!
KittyCat2024 3 yıl önce
It’s all about pacing the relationship. It weeds out the insecure controlling and love bombing monsters
Peace & Glory
Peace & Glory 3 yıl önce
SKYWALL Enterprise Maybe unhealthy coping strategies? If not fully narcissistic?
Vicki H
Vicki H 3 yıl önce
Oh my gosh yes! Say ‘no’ early on to see response. It’s so easy to be complacent and flexible early on when you’re infatuated, but it allows people without boundaries to fly under the radar until you’re invested.
Sabari Sivasundar
Sabari Sivasundar 3 yıl önce
Nazar 26 same situation...you spoke my mind.....feels good knowing I'm not the only one
Dawn Smith
Dawn Smith 3 yıl önce
Nazar 26 Adding to what @SKOL said, which I agree with, Dr Grande has discussed having a few “traits” but that this doesn’t mean having the personality disorder.
Saif 3 yıl önce
Nazar 26 i can relate To you. All you can do is accept you did those things, forgive yourself and do your best to repair relationships. Best of "luck" with you!
Sally Mc
Sally Mc 3 yıl önce
Timestamps for your benefit: 1. Do not do things for the VN 8:12 2. Do not let them volunteer to help you if they are inauthentic 8:54 3. Do not move a relationship into a physical level quickly 9:56 4. Letting them know where they stand 11:20 5. Don't seek assistance from the VN 12:51 6. Responses which convey rejection will repel a VN 16:35
Joy Winfree
Joy Winfree Yıl önce
Thank you
Ann Oravetz
Ann Oravetz Yıl önce
Does anybody like rejection whether they are vulnerable narcissists or not? I can’t stand rejection. It’s the worst feeling in the world.
Lal 10 aylar önce
@Ann Oravetz it's not about liking or disliking rejection. It's about not being able to handle even a little hint of rejection. Like, they call you out of blue and want to hang out the same day. When you say that you can't, they take it personally, as if you rejected them, they can't think that you had other things to do and the chances that you would be available if they didn't tell you before were low. Or another example, they offer to pay for you in the cafe. You don't want to accept, they think that you reject them, their entire personality and even humiliate them. You see where I'm going, right?
Scruff Scrofula
Scruff Scrofula 9 aylar önce
Nicely done
Cynical Afflictional
Cynical Afflictional 8 aylar önce
Could you please cut the kindling bundles in half, I know it's too late tonight, but maybe in the morning before you come to town and we can go sell them to choms before heading to the mill?
effentjes 2 yıl önce
It is important to note that a narcissist can move from grandiose to vulnerable and back.
FL 9 aylar önce
Yes...I knew!! someone like that!
Drea T
Drea T 7 aylar önce
this one is very accurate , ina matter of seconds they switch
Matt Markus
Matt Markus 3 aylar önce
True, like many of these things it's not linear or so black and white. And it's possible you guys didn't identify them correctly too. I mean, what's the margin of error with the best psychologists, let alone your average person who's taken an interest in personality disorders/traits? This is a field of study that's pretty complex. Lots os false positives/negatives. I see it mainly as guidelines you can use which may be prove helpful but not always.
Black Brit
Black Brit 12 gün önce
It's a spectrum and about what they do most of the time. My wife is primarily vulnerable and covert. She doesn't get angry but she guilt trips like hell. She's also pretty damn arrogant, she's a little less bad in public, but the more comfortable she is the worse she gets. To hear her tell it she was the smartest kid in school.
Glen H
Glen H 3 yıl önce
The covert narcissist is hard to identify because they seem so wonderful. They present themselves as being the perfect romantic partner. A fantasy partner. Then, once the hook is set, everything changes.
Davie Dood
Davie Dood 2 yıl önce
Yea 5 months meeting face to face they got physical. Seemed embarrassed and mortified. I felt bad for them when they said sorry.. Like wtf is THAT!
Kinky 2 yıl önce
Yep. That happened to me. Black and white thinking.
Lcp 2 yıl önce
That was my ex divorced finally after 32 years what a relief 😅
ENVER ISMAIL 2 yıl önce
Constantly breaking up
orchardlea 2 yıl önce
My mother married one (2nd husband)... my childhood was not fun.
Valerie McKnight
Valerie McKnight Yıl önce
Obligation is another tactic used by the vulnerable narcissist -- they'll do and say just about anything to make you feel obligated to them, everything from buying you gifts to taking you on expensive holidays to endlessly flattering you. That was a big red flag for me and actually made me feel defensive and uncomfortable. If that starts happening, back away!
Martin Major
Martin Major Yıl önce
Yes it happened to me often. They take you on expensive travels, and the particular person I'm talking about actually buy me a car. An expensive car. She came home, give me the keys and said 'its yours' it was the car I always wanted. No one has never done that mutch for me and I was scared because a week after that, she asked me to propose her. I never did. I propose her to pay for the car instead.
Jim Beam
Jim Beam 8 aylar önce
Look out for gifts that have hooks......I got two Narc's who practise gift giving with strings...to create the pretense of obligation. I had to tell them, "No more gifts on B-day or Xmas". Of course, they ignored that warning. It's one of their favorite games....and they don't have alot of creativity.
jjberg83 3 aylar önce
Oh yeah! My VN made me promise to travel back with her to her family's for every other holiday. Fine, I guess. Just so rigid. But then she double-dipped for the Fourth of July. I called her out and she guilt tripped me SO hard. I would never have been allowed to do that, but when she wanted it, it was COMPROMISE.
Manda Godin
Manda Godin 2 yıl önce
This was my mother. She scapegoated me, estranged me from my entire family. The abuse was absolutely horrible. I have complex ptsd but to now know what it was, that’s freedom.
Lux Meow
Lux Meow 2 yıl önce
Freedom how?
Miserable Northerner
I hope you are feeling better now you are aware of the truth. I know how this feels from personal experience.
Violet Mutai
Violet Mutai Yıl önce
My mom too,she made sure to turn all my sisters against me . Knowing for sure that you aren't actually a problem is freeing in very many ways,you get time to analyze how their actions have affected you and what you can do to change that and stay away from them.
adimeter Yıl önce
@Miserable Northerner I understand why you feel freedom. The mere knowing and understand what you were put through is going to give you a sense of freedom.
Emily Chandler
Emily Chandler 2 yıl önce
This is so helpful. I've been in private practice for 13 years as a Marriage and Family Therapist and I have never heard any material on covert narcissists so accurate, succinct and helpful. I am super proud of you for getting 10k likes on this video alone!
Jack Petersen
Jack Petersen Yıl önce
Emily Chandler,You got a lovely smile 😊
Matt Markus
Matt Markus 3 aylar önce
proud or impressed? Proud is an interesting word from a therapist viewer I think.
Cherie Sharpe
Cherie Sharpe 3 yıl önce
You can not be vulnerable to a vulnerable narcissist. He’ll take advantage of you! and try to manipulate you or the situation. A lot of information!!! Thank you! 🙏🏼
Vixinaful 2 yıl önce
yes! I did this and almost lost my life.
Yui TT
Yui TT 2 yıl önce
He will try to find your weak spot first , and then pretend to help you out.
Cucker Tarlson
Cucker Tarlson 2 yıl önce
so will she!
H O 2 yıl önce
"Keep debt balance zero with vulnerable narcissists." Lesson learned the hard way. I was so naïve back then to assume that a "friend" was kindhearted and caring because she gave me lots of gifts or souvenirs. Looking back, it was one of her tricks of trade as a VN: she only wanted to make me constantly owing to her. Thank you, Dr. Grande.
Cheryl Thompson
Cheryl Thompson 2 yıl önce
Yep. My best friend is a vulnerable narc. I owe her $3,500🙄
Mastermint 2 yıl önce
In that I'm kinda invulnerable fortunately. I don't owe anybody a damn thing and nobody owes me a thing either. I offered because I wanted to, that's on me, and if you give me something is because you wanted to, and that's on you. My mom is forever getting her heart broken for not getting favors and gifts reciprocated. I learned to not expect reciprocation watching her getting disappointed over and over
A M (Nettie)
A M (Nettie) 2 yıl önce
Yeah, watch out for level jumping and surprisingly generous gift giving but most importantly some discomfort on their part when you reciprocate the giving immediately. That discomfort shows that they have to have the upper hand in social relationships. They want you to worship them for their generosity and be in debt to them indefinitely. With this tactic of keeping a strict social ledger they will become very irritated and start making those tell-tale narcissitic barbs. Eventually the relationship will end with bad feelings on both sides but at least you didn't get sucked in for decades of this toxic bullshit.
Leslie L.
Leslie L. Yıl önce
Hard lesson learned here too, never accept anything from them because they feel like you owe them for it!
Carol Nahigian
Carol Nahigian Yıl önce
They are needy empty Abyss which you can never Fill- run for the HILLs!!!!!!!!
Wandering Free
Wandering Free 4 yıl önce
A vulnurable narcassist is a villain thats plays the victim so well.
Angelina G. Woodruff
Wandering Free definitely!
Katz Hunter
Katz Hunter 4 yıl önce
Be careful unmasking the individual though ... your life could be ruined.
Angelina G. Woodruff
Thunder Cat Absolutely. I know from first hand experience!
Lux Meow
Lux Meow 4 yıl önce
My mother.
Lance Lust
Lance Lust 4 yıl önce
Makes me want to cry because I just now figured this out regarding my ex girlfriend. Everyone thinks she's bpd, but she most reflects this disorder.
Antoinette 3 yıl önce
Thanks so much for this topic. I am usually a magnet for narcissists and especially for the covert vulnerable narcs that hook me with their sob stories and fake niceness. I definitely want to repel those creatures the minute I identify them instead of continuing to be prey for them!!!
BlackPhoenix 777
BlackPhoenix 777 Yıl önce
that fake niceness... oh yes. Blew a facade of a covert recently .. underneath was a completely different person.
Martin Major
Martin Major Yıl önce
Test no1 Do you want to hear about my sob story? Don't worry I'm very nice.
BARBARA BAGATIN 9 aylar önce
@Martin Major TRUTH.
Angela Nicholson
Angela Nicholson 9 aylar önce
I totally agree, and have found this to be true on many levels throughout life. Never trust, feel sorry for, be charmed by, or give them hope of a chance with you. Even the smallest thing they do for you in an endless debt. They travel by stealth, so be level-headed. I learned from an early age within my family never to be indebted to them. I had to learn from so young not to let them see your hurt. It excites them. However, i didn't know what i was dealing with. When i found it had a name, it all fell into place. Just wish I'd known decades earlier.
Odette 4 yıl önce
Yes. Wolf in sheep's clothing. Covert narcissists often hook you in with a superficial victim-like stance. Once you're stuck in the web, they pounce when you wriggle or try to escape.
KS MAX 2 yıl önce
yes they love to play the victim
Rainelia Wylde
Rainelia Wylde Yıl önce
I have finally identified the 'game'that has had many shapes over many years between a daughter and me . I am provoked and defend myself .Then it's like turning over an omelette , and l am accused of being unkind , negative , etc . I affirm my love and am bombarded more . Isay 'enough' and feel rotten . But is my child .
Lena D Ramone
Lena D Ramone Yıl önce
Excellent description wolf 🐺 in sheeps 🐑 clothing 👌
Ann Oravetz
Ann Oravetz Yıl önce
As a vulnerable narcissist, I really hated it when people didn’t consider my ideas, I got certificates, degrees, completed my tasks, and improved the departments, offered to help out, etc., and then I was continuously passed over and ignored and rejected for promotions. I learned to lower my expectations from work. My mother gave me the best advice: Just take your paycheck and go home.
Ann Oravetz
Ann Oravetz Yıl önce
@David Buchholz Yeah my friend right now says I am always talking about myself. I am either 100% about others, and I get hurt and disappointed when I get nothing in return, or I get 100% about myself, and people hate that because it’s being self-centered. You are right. Stop trying. I was in a group session, long ago, and the ladies said, “You’re doing too much, and it turns you into a monster.”
S Yıl önce
This sounds like so many God damn mind games Jesus
human Yıl önce
@Ann Oravetz My tip as a person who got abused by a covert narcissist throughout my childhood and developed the opposite personality type. I think we're all supposed to be selfish, whether you're a narcissist or not. Work on developing empathy for selfish reasons. The nr. 1 benefit to have empathy is a sense of connection to others. It's literally a feeling you feel in your chest. It feels good even if the other person doesn't 'give anything in return'. You'll start feeling it when you build your empathy and it becomes something you're skilled at. Over time, naturally there are a lot of benefits too since you will genuinly like other people. And that will show in your smile, in your presence and other people will genuinly like you too. Just focus on putting yourself in other people's shoes at least once a day and make it a continuous practice. I'm not a vulnerable narcissist but I imagine that if I would be, I 'd feel an overwhelming amount of loneliness. Because you can't afford to have people know exactly who you are and how you feel since they'd repel you. Build some empathy and character that you're proud to show off to others
April Aloway
April Aloway 8 aylar önce
Recovering VN here. It’s tough out here especially coming to the table with hurt feelings. Getting honest with my hurts and recognizing no one is perfect helps. ENFORCING personal boundaries so I lead the life that’s right for me.
flowgo 7 aylar önce
@David Buchholz I am kind of arriving there myself. I dont know if I am a VN but probably AM. My mother is grandiose my father was too and alcoholic, my two sisters definitely are of course I didnt come out of that household without a truck load of issues too. And I agree, isolation, and videos and books and I do 12 step meetings too, but basically keep out of trouble trying to work on myself. Cant afford a 2-300 a hour therapist with my salary. Fuck it. Give up lol. Its not like I said when I grow up I want to be a vulnerable narcissist. yay me. It would be nice to come from a healthy functional family and have my head on straight. But I didnt win that lottery. There is so much info on you tube now, its so helpful. If you cant afford a therapist you can learn about IFS and do it yourself and ACA zoom meetings are super helpful for me. thats all I got right now lol. Good luck
S G 3 yıl önce
Speaking as being someone clinically diagnosed with narcissism, I can confirm these are highly effective strategies. My levels of narcissism luckily aren't that high to the point of no space for self-reflection. Your videos are much appreciated! However I sometimes tend to feel a little bit attacked by the accuracy of your descriptions, they help me detecting the toxic traits in my behaviour & change! People that know me on any level other than intimate, will argue that I do not meet the criteria for narcissism at all. Initially, I was tempted to agree. However, the difference between vulnerable and grandiose narcissism characterizes the 'act' I play to not come over as arrogant on first sight. It's a tricky diagnosis, and although it might be hard, please don't dismiss a person's chance of developing just because he shows symptoms of narcissism. It's a mental condition, not a fixed personality!
Joseph Discovers
Joseph Discovers 3 yıl önce
It depends on the severity - in many narcissists, there is very little in their personality other than the disorder. Many grandiose of narcissists are like this. It's impossible for them to change and most don't want to anyway.
spider ok
spider ok 3 yıl önce
I smell bull
Todd Fallon
Todd Fallon 3 yıl önce
@spider ok good nose!
Todd Fallon
Todd Fallon 3 yıl önce
I don't believe 'personality' can change; a person may adapt thier behavior or even beliefs to better 'fit in' or to get what they want easier in any given situation, but at the end of the day stripes are stripes and spots are spots... A lion can hunt alone, or in groups. They can hunt at night or during the day. They can ambush or chase, but bottom line: the lion's gonna eat!! I didn't hear Dr. Grande cover this, but I believe the worst thing you can do is let them know that you figured out the difference between spots and stripes!! Employ these strategies for your own safety and piece of mind but do not ever tell them you 'sniffed them out'!!
solecito 3 yıl önce
I applaud your effort and initiative. It's TRUE some cant change bc they dont have self reflection (and have developed as defense mechanism to protect themselves as they insecure) and empathy but if this two things are working on and theres radical acceptance of oneself and self love (not egotism or ego) it can happen. You will definitely get there. You seem to work hard to identify and have radical acceptance and working on accountability. I've not had npd but did have some narcissistic traits and I've worked thru them same as my depression and anxiety to now lead a healthy, peaceful life. I keep working on stuff but im no longer in such dark mental space so I believe a person can change. Wish you the best 🖤 hope u doing well
Ad Astra
Ad Astra 4 yıl önce
From my experience, I'd add that you could politely & mildly criticize them. Their defensive reaction is often WAY out of proportion & if you do this once or twice, they'll start avoiding you.
Leah 4 yıl önce
Ad Astra yes it’s a way of getting them to show their true colours. But it’s also an opportunity for them to act victimised and exaggerate your criticism to others and play the splitting game. It depends on the scenario if it’s a good idea or not I think 😉😊
Ad Astra
Ad Astra 4 yıl önce
@Leah True, true! It does depend on who you're dealing with & the circumstances under which you cross paths with this person. I'd say I was considering a dating scenario, where you're trying to "screen" people. But, if you were within a work environment & so had ongoing relations with such a person, applying the "tactic" I've mentioned here, as you've pointed out, may cause, or set up, an ongoing issue. So tricky! Thanks ;)
Leah 4 yıl önce
Ad Astra yup exactly 😉
Jean Solano
Jean Solano 3 yıl önce
Even just expressing a different opinion and sticking to it will make them angry and defensive. They consider that to be you criticizing them even though you aren’t asking them to change their opinion.
Ad Astra
Ad Astra 3 yıl önce
@Jean Solano True! It's really exhausting being around a person like that. HIGH maintenance, right?!
Bella Flora
Bella Flora 3 yıl önce
When I finally figured out that my friend was a covert narcissist I ghosted her. It totally worked. She just moved to the next willing actor in her movie.
Claire NJ
Claire NJ 2 yıl önce
I did this and do this....but they keep showing up !!!!
Emmie 2 yıl önce
How did you identify her as a covert narcissist? I'm new to the subject and have a hard time drawing the line. Some articles say they quickly feel shame and are worried about their perceived status. But this feels pretty general and everyone has to some extent right?
Bella Flora
Bella Flora 2 yıl önce
@Emmie it took me awhile to identify what her problem was. I had intuition that something about her was off but couldn’t put my finger on it. I’m a recovering codependent so it’s a work in progress and I still seem to attract narcissists. They become a little easier to identify over time. So really early on in our friendship she started crossing boundaries by asking me to help her with things like packing and moving stuff. She would always show up late while I was left waiting to help her with something. Then she felt comfortable enough to start treating me like her personal assistant without offering any sort of compensation. When I would say no she would keep trying to convince me to do it. When I stopped answering her calls she would gaslight my voicemail by saying things like “if you don’t want to do something you can just say no”. When I wouldn’t respond to her gaslighting she would get angry and say things like “I’m tired of not getting the respect I deserve”. She took a lot of benign comments personally and always had to address them to “set the record straight”. Also, she attracted or caused an incredible amount of drama in her life. There was always some sort of crisis and she was a perpetual victim of everyone, without taking any personal responsibility for her poor choices. On top of all of it she thought she was a really good person because she would drive a long way to drop off her recycling at a place that would take whatever it was when the local place wouldn’t take it. She was so exhausting. They usually move on when they feel that you’ve “disrespected” them because they’re so goddamn self important. She has zero friends and her family has distanced from her. That should’ve been my first clue. Edit: I forgot to add that she immediately started texting me like 4 times every day asking my advice about things. She was also so paranoid that she would never disclose any real details about herself or what she was doing. It was the weirdest experience I’ve ever had with a “friend”.
Springdaisy 2 yıl önce
Mine did the same, but whenever she happens to see me she pays me lip service about how she misses me although she never reaches out. I find it amusing now, but it really upset me when it first happened.
Haley W
Haley W Yıl önce
@Springdaisy I miss people but could never being myself to continually reach out to someone who isn't reciprocating it, but if I saw them and said that I missed them, that wouldn't make it any less true
Missi Reason
Missi Reason 2 yıl önce
Vulnerable (Covert) narcs tend to have substance abuse issues, and this gives their victims the impression that their narcissism is rooted in the substance abuse at first. When the truth comes out, it is often after the victim is sucked into the narc's chaos. Grandiose: superficial charm sucks folks in, a bit of a trick Vulnerable: the injured bird that will heal and fly away in a few days, fast forward, the injured bird is still injured, and it is the fault of all other birds, hunters, rainy skies and every other damn thing gets blamed for why this injured (not really) bird is still grounded.
Martin Major
Martin Major Yıl önce
So basically, a kind of "angry bird"?
Margaret Alwanda
Margaret Alwanda Yıl önce
I am picking up to understand narcissism and it seems they are all around or maybe I am also one of them.!!
Healer's Creek
Healer's Creek 10 aylar önce
Not necessarily addicted to substances. I know 2 that are just bitter and envious of everyone they feel has higher status than they do. Maybe they're addicted to materialism and using people.
Yournotthatimportant 7 aylar önce
Yes. And then you try to blame the addiction. Are they a narcissist or is it the addiction? Then you read a hundred books on addiction amd a hundred books on narcissism. Because you don't want them to be one its horrible
jjberg83 3 aylar önce
Yup mine was addicted to weed. She was SO nice on weed. She was the girl I had wanted her to be. But she HAD to have it.
Laura Wells
Laura Wells 7 aylar önce
I am catnip for vulnerable narcissists. I’m overly empathetic and it took me until my mid twenties to realize the red flags of narcissism. I just see the good in people and it’s hard for me to push people out that I have already let in to my life. At one point last year I had 3 BPD and NPD predators posing as friends or lovers at one time and my other friends and family commented that I looked like a shadow of my lself. I wasn’t eating working or smiling because I was so broken down. I couldn’t even take the space to think about what was happening. I felt like I was in a cult where the leader convinces the members that everyone outside of the cult is out to get them. All of them were trying to turn me against the others but they were all crappy people in their own way. Eventually I cut out all of them slowly over time. But omg I am traumatized now. It’s takes 2 weeks for these people to attach themselves to you and what feels like a lifetime to get them to leave you alone. I’m only 28 and I feel like after that experience I became an introvert who relishes in alone time.
jjberg83 3 aylar önce
Damn, same story with me but it took me until 39. ugh
j freed
j freed 2 yıl önce
“With the vulnerable narcissist it’s really about failure to create a relationship in the first place…“ That seems so true and useful. I now see that my friend treats his narcissistic mother-in-law exactly this way. She’s desperate to form a friendship or bond with him, and he’s a deliberately closed door. It’s intelligent. This woman is exhausting, and a meddler, complete yenta. I also think not letting mixed type narcissists in your life is important. Grandiose/Vulnerable… Don’t let them talk about your Medical concerns, don’t let them boss you or demand ridiculous things of you or go along with their little plans, just don’t… Period. Say no.
Plantman Of Mars
Plantman Of Mars 2 yıl önce
I am married to a vulnerable narcissist- have been in counseling for 2 years dancing around these issues but not taking them head on. I am gathering thoughts (these videos are an invaluable help!) to bring into our next session. I think my wife finally realizes I am figuring this out- she has repeatedly stated that another counseling session ‘won’t help’. With regard to empathy, I have noticed a correlation - the less challenge someone is to her the higher her empathy level. She shows the most empathy for pets and baby animals- the least challenging things in the world. She has zero empathy for me especially since I have started standing up to her more. With our kids she can show empathy when they are not challenging her, but once they do that goes out the window and she becomes a monster. It’s tough, but there is a great deal of relief if having started to realize what the issue is.
I T B 5 aylar önce
Spot on !
jjberg83 3 aylar önce
Sounds JUST like my ex. The pets/children thing for sure. Very interesting.
Beata Pogorzelska
Beata Pogorzelska 4 yıl önce
Very accurate.The key thing is to avoid bonding quickly, revealing too much about yourself in a short period . That doesn't provide a v.n. with information necessary to create a perfect soulmate illusion which is the most devious trap they set for you.Grandiose narcs are far less dangerous as their personalities are obvious for reasonable people.
Lissa Cabler Ware
Lissa Cabler Ware 3 yıl önce
Yes, in hindsight... one would have the insight not to be led quickly to intimacy and thus the dynamics could be averted. The whole Soulmate scenario actually occurred blindingly fast. My vulnerability in this area had zero defence... until now.
Kathleen Reardon
Kathleen Reardon 3 yıl önce
Oh so true.
Sunset 3 yıl önce
I’m dealing with a family member. It’s interesting how many people go right to romantic partners. What if it’s the crazy landlady, a friend, an adult sibling?
Briana 3 yıl önce
Great advice. X was visibly enraged that I wasn't disclosing more personal information with him. He was talking about love and babies and marriage. We only dated three-is months! There is so much more OFF than on with these types and it's all easy to spot when you know what to look for and follow your instincts. Or just disagree/say no and see what happens 🤷🏾‍♀️
Sandra Gifford
Sandra Gifford 2 yıl önce
I was in a friendship with what I now think is a vulnerable narcissist. She shared with me the types of abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother, obviously looking for sympathy, although the abuse was very real. I felt empathy; my mother did the same to me (I joked that we seemed to have had the same mother), so I shared with her my own issues and how I found help both in private counseling and by taking "The Forum" by Landmark Education, which caused a paradigm shift and a complete change in my personality. I was simply sharing in case something struck a cord with her and she wanted additional info. I could she that she was in pain--I had felt that pain myself--and I so wanted her to find peace, happiness, and joy in her life. She didn't want to know about it, so I dropped it, but the mistake was already made. It became obvious over time that she resented that I had handled the bulk of my childhood issues to the point where decades later I took care of my mother while she had dementia without getting triggered in the least. Of course, I'm not perfect or issue-free, because although my mother didn't trigger me, this new narcissist in my life did. Over time, she would fly into rages so bad, I feared I might suffer physical abuse (luckily she stopped short of that). I couldn't figure out what was triggering her at first, but I finally realized it was whenever I was saying something positive about another person or when talking positively about a goal I achieved. I was walking on eggshells around her. She was also verbally abusive toward her husband on many occasions, expecting me to jump in with her, however I never did. In fact, I always defended him, "No, he's not ugly, in fact, he's a handsome older gentleman," and she didn't like that at all. I started to set clearer boundaries (at least as best one can with a narcissist), and she has dropped me from her life... thank God. However, I'm still tied up in knots over her manipulations. Wondering how long before I disengage mentally from this mess of a person? I need to screen potential friends better... lol.
Jack Petersen
Jack Petersen Yıl önce
Sandra Gifford,You don’t need a narcissist in your life!
Nancy Parker
Nancy Parker 6 aylar önce
Isn't Landmark associated with Scientology????
Sandra Gifford
Sandra Gifford 6 aylar önce
It has absolutely nothing to do with scientology.
Matt Markus
Matt Markus 3 aylar önce
Thank you for using the words "I think" instead of being 100% certain, like many of the posts from viewers of the channel. It shows humility and a more realistic approach. But it definitely sounds like you were dealing with quite a handful (borderline? maybe just vulnerable narciss.) It's always creepy when you notice someone trying to manipulate or pull you into their hate factory toward another- and their strong reactions when you resist.
Lisa Smith
Lisa Smith 3 yıl önce
As a survivor of abuse with the use of a lot of gaslighting behaviours, this gets me feeling paranoid about someone falsely suspecting that I am a vulnerable narcissist and then mistakenly using some tactic to repel me 🥺
human Yıl önce
I imagine you don't use the gasligthing to everyone else though?
Kathy McCoy
Kathy McCoy 2 yıl önce
I’m already in a “debted” relationship with a v. n. It’s exhausting to say the least-I’ve been struggling to survive emotionally and mentally. There’s so much valuable information and insight here.... more than can be embraced from a video. I’m arming myself with the information, advice and insights from your channel Dr Grande-thank you for this. Also, thank you to those who share in the comment section. I’m shocked but drawn to many of the comments. I never expected to discover so many individuals who can relate to what I’m going through.
un chien andalou
un chien andalou 2 yıl önce
It’s incredible isn’t it? I rarely find my experiences to have much resonance with most people, but when it comes to narcissism, the patterns are eerily familiar.
Lena D Ramone
Lena D Ramone Yıl önce
If you are still there you have to just get rid. I was with one it was hell. I'm 2 years free and I wish I'd done it sooner. It is a waste of time they will drain you they don't give a damn about you its like banging head against brick wall. I urge you to run I know everyone says that to people in abusive situations but it's the only solution
Kathy McCoy
Kathy McCoy Yıl önce
@Lena D Ramone thank you I should maybe have run but instead I waited until I could act not react with respect and compassion and openness. (That’s where I went wrong) So I thought we “agreed” since he said so. Now I know, never ever trust their word especially the vulnerable narcs I’ve lived with both and find the covert narc to be the most deceitful and scared, and therefore the most dangerous. So anyway i told him….this just isn’t working for all the reasons we’d discussed/argued over the past 4 years. All narcs immediate response is paranoia and fear and revenge no matter what mask they put forth. But still when he “agreed” with the plan of slowly moving forward & I set myself and my grandson towards independence. By setting up a personal sleeping & office space to gradually join the workforce. He said yes he was on board to compassionately gradually unentangle our lives gently and see where we decided to go from there. So, He waited planning behind my back completely unknown to me. Then in a matter of two days, while I was finally feeling proactive and relieved as I felt falsely assured that he was in agreement with my new boundaries and future plans to find myself again, he ran away in the night. Left us with nothing, but what I could fit into a small storage container. He made sure I had no money, took my car which was a gift, closed MY bank account and canceled all my credit cards. My precious grandson had to move in with other family members-for which I’m grateful. I had raised my grandson to 15 and that alone was my goal-to not allow a child to lose another home, family, school or friends especially in the midst of Covid. But my fiancé ripped us apart on purpose and left me as helpless as he possibly could. Its been both incredible and terrifying for me to face the fall out. I’m still on my journey to self actualization, still growing up into my power finally even tho I’m 59. I know for a fact my best days are ahead. But we’re post emancipation already two years and he only contacts my family ever once in a while…. Coward Won’t even talk to me on the phone-thankfully because I have nothing to say to him. He’d rather play games of hide and seek manipulating games through text so I shut that down THE day he left. Like so many id already had some insane calamity in my life and used my old ways to cope that we’re effective enough to keep me from ending it ☠️but apparently this is THE actual turning place for me. I still ride the struggle bus about 30-50% of the time., which is HUGE progress considering I was knocked right off my center of misery (with him) into the worst dark night of my life. Feeling the fear and shame and loss of self identity and frozen like I’ve only been in my youth. I asked for months and months on end, “who WAS I when I was with him and who the hell am I now? And believe me I’ve been through some hard stuff before. In the end-well at this juncture of my life, I am beyond grateful that he left. Even the way he did it was Perfect for me and now I know even for my grandson. ❤️
Lena D Ramone
Lena D Ramone Yıl önce
@Kathy McCoy I think they are very competitive covert narcissists. I barely think about my ex I don't see myself as victim but survivor ... hope you're okay xx
Kathy McCoy
Kathy McCoy Yıl önce
@Lena D Ramone yes competitive! I saw that but didn’t expect him to race me to the exit. 😉 I’m well very well, thank you for commenting.
S Valentina
S Valentina 2 yıl önce
When you said "isn't it natural to be able to repel the narcissist?" it got me thinking. I think people with a healthy childhood and self-esteem are naturally able to be repelled by narcissists, they just seem to be able to sense that something is off about this person, whereas the rest of us with cluster B parents are kind of screwed. I know I could pick a narcissist from a crowd (unfortunately, and I keep falling for it. Hopefully I"ll get better with time). My narcissistic ex kept saying "I'm so good, it's hard to believe I'm not more sought-after/recruited/noticed by other people. It's like a lot of people don't get me or don't want to be around me. It's so weird". At the time I thought he was the cat's ass so I agreed with him "yes, that IS hard to believe". Now I get it - people who are mentally healthy do NOT want to be around them. I also think the ideas suggested in the beginning of this video are very good, but the other ones are of limited use because I think they would repel everyone - not just V.N.'s.
Sari Sigmund
Sari Sigmund 4 yıl önce
I appreciate this. My father was diagnosed with NPD after taking a psych test and assessment. He was definitely the grandiose type, and I know this can run in families. But my sister, I have had trouble deciding whether she was a narcissist or a Boarder Line PD. Now, as you described the Covert Narcissist, which tends to overlap with the other 2 PD’s, it makes more sense as I have studied this and am a Psych RN for 25 years in the Behavioral Health Hospital settings. Thank you.
Beth N.
Beth N. 4 yıl önce
Thank you yet again. Good grief, hindsight is 20/20. I wish I had understood this 10 years ago.
strawberry redz
strawberry redz 4 yıl önce
Hindsight sure is 20/20 ! But when you realize it, it's traumatic.
Neuropsych Roberts
Neuropsych Roberts 3 yıl önce
Wish I'd known 32 years ago.
Sarah bellum
Sarah bellum 3 yıl önce
NeuroPsych Roberts Same here It’s better late than never & never would have been too late so we’re the fortunate ones
Mandy Mulders
Mandy Mulders 3 yıl önce
Yup, lucky to be away after 25 yrs
Testacleez Scrodonieeas
I feel like I owe you. A third of my life I was captive to a narcissist she's now going to prison for doing all the things she was projecting onto me it wasn't until you explained it that I could finally put my mind at ease knowing I I now have an understanding. It brings a lot of peace to my life to have this knowledge and now I feel like I'm much better prepared for whatever the world has in store for me.
Zachary P
Zachary P 2 yıl önce
God was the only one who helped me get out of that mindset. Best of luck recovering bro there are good people out there
Blue Greenglue
Blue Greenglue 3 yıl önce
Interesting!! In my early 50s now, I have been trying to undo my decades-long fear of "owing people something." I learned at some point that people will use having done me a favor against me, and that is a hard lesson to just learn - and then learn from.
un chien andalou
un chien andalou 2 yıl önce
Can relate. My ex wore me down to open up and accept help as I really needed it but I had a super hard time anyone close after family abandonment. Then made me regret it. I still am haunted by it. It was the worst time of my life and he was supposed to be my partner - yet he was playing with my mind and pride and well-being. I almost died and I’m still not myself. Sick people.
D Yıl önce
17 years with a vulnerable narc. Ending it now. I've found so much helpful information. It's not easy but I'd cut off body parts to get rid of her at this point. Fortunately I still have all my body parts and likely will be able to keep them.
Bleebopp Yıl önce
This is my mom. It’s terrible knowing she’ll never change. Completely oblivious to her actions. Destroyed our family and ran family members into the grave, all the while feeling like she is the victim.
Davish Graff
Davish Graff Yıl önce
The Being Authentic About Helping you tip is huge. Looking back at my relationship with a potential narcissist, she said, "if you need anything just ask," a whole lot. What I realized over time was "anything" was actually nothing when I actually needed something.
Stathis 4 yıl önce
Now everything make sense in my mind. A week ago, I broke up from as it seems a covert narcissist. During this I could almost feel that something was off with the way she was loving me. 90% of what has been said about the covert narcs came true during the 1,5 years of my relationship. But at that time, it was hard for me to understand, I was constantly trying to convince myself that everything is ok, all couples do that. Simultaneous though I was having feelings of even more increasing low self esteem and loneliness. My needs within the relationship were starving. Fast forward days before the end, I managed to see all the bul**** behind her behavior and thus suddenly stopped completely responding to her lovely words. Then the masks dropped and as if she realized that I got her sneaky ways, she ejected herself and doing it with so much ease. While heartbroken, at least I am in a position now to understand myself even better. I have recognized now my flaw and it has a name, Codependency. It is a matter of time this beast within me to be kneeled.
T Tygre
T Tygre 2 yıl önce
7 years into the worst period of my life while being married to a VN. I never even knew such a thing existed. Codependency, loneliness, low self esteem, heartbreaks, I am living it all, brother. It all makes sense now. God Bless.
un chien andalou
un chien andalou 2 yıl önce
Such a rude awakening. Wish you all healing.
Ian Sheppard
Ian Sheppard 2 yıl önce
Yes! I love your comment! You have been shown the truth and given freedom! It is nearly divine as an experience - I hope you find what to be thankful for during the tragic beauty of healing!
diana torres
diana torres Yıl önce
I felt as if I was writing these words myself or you read my journal. I’m dealing with the heartbreak of choosing wrong. And realizing that I guess I’m codependent as I’m seen the pattern of the two men I actually gave my all too. I feel sick to my stomach literally almost every day since the veil came off my eyes after he took his mask off a year ago but I still didn’t understand or had an answer and kept just working on me. Weak, debilitating and annoyed is how I feel . I keep telling myself that it took him 4 years to tear me up slowly so of course I can’t pick myself up victorious in a month. But I want to so bad. I married him. So I’m staying on one side of the house and leave when his here. It’s refreshing to at least be able to identify his tactics now as before I was confused and overwhelmed.
Anytime Yıl önce
Same. Ticks every box for me. 4 years in a relationship with one, in the last year I figured something's very wrong with her behavior, also mine (couldn't recognize myself anymore, low self esteem, completely drained both physically and mentally, worsened overall health). Dodged a bullet there, cause I planned to marry her. She also ejected herself just like that and after 2-3 weeks found a replacement/new supply, probably had it lined up already. Two months after that, I heard she found yet another one. They never change and it's all a cycle for them. Did some counseling, also Prof. Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon videos helped me a lot (deep and profound knowledge, the best available out there, a strong recommendation), also watched Dr. Grande's videos for detailed stuff/finesses, for future "self defense". Be aware who you let close to you and identify them on time. All the best.
Judy I.
Judy I. Yıl önce
Can someone have traits of both? They use self confidence in public situations, yet to those they are closest to, they tend to be vulnerable, histrionic sometimes, crying frequently, playing the victim, exaggerating everything. You are my favorite analyst on all psychiatric disorders!
valerie thomas
valerie thomas Yıl önce
SUCH excellent advice!!!!!I My mother is a grandiose narcissist whom I have spent seventy years recovering from. As a result of her abuse, I was covered in narcissists for years, and because I am empathetic, I attracted the vulnerable ones. By the time I met my last one though, I was wise enough NOT to offer to solve her problems and to keep a part of myself safe. She ran a farm rescue and I have 25 years in animal welfare, rescue ,and placement ,and I volunteered for her for 3 years. When she finally turned on me I was ahead of the game and painlessly exited. It's been a long time since I've had to deal with anyone like this..I can spot them at fifty paces.
LinYouToo 4 yıl önce
This was very informative. It seems as though those with borderline personality actually fear closeness and intimacy, not abandonment. Contrary to what is often portrayed. Thank you for helping me understand my parents better. My mom has borderline traits and my dad was fairly narcissistic. I also have a neighbor who, after learning more about covert narcissism, appears to be just that. One of the key takeaways I learned is to take relationships slowly And let things develop overtime.
The shimmering
The shimmering 3 yıl önce
After decades of vulnerable narcissistic parents - especially step-mother - plus one overt narc parent and a codependent parent - I didn't exactly learn good boundaries. After reaching the - I can't take it anymore stage - I went very minimal contact in order to build myself back up. The pendulum swung to me being or feeling pretty selfish about it, but that's mostly my conditioning and partly just what needed to happen while I restored my lost energy and self-esteem. The moment the vulnerable narcissist realizes they cannot guilt you anymore because you don't give a damn - is the moment your life begins again. They truly don't need you. You need you. And they can fulfill their own needs. I'm reading Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward and if you have or suspect a vulnerable narcissist in your life, I highly recommend this book. Or if you have trouble setting boundaries period - this is the book for you.
Tessellatia Artilery
Tessellatia Artilery 23 gün önce
Thank you for posting the book title suggestion in your comment. The sample I read looks very good, I hope you are doing okay and continue like me to be helped by Dr Grande's wonderful channel. Wishing you all the best wherever your journey has taken you now.
honestsage 3 yıl önce
Thanks for being a voice of reason in this unreasonable world!
Suzy Q
Suzy Q 4 yıl önce
I told my clinical psychologist about your videos. I hope she looks you up and watches them too. I like how your videos are very logical, clearly presented with references to the dsm. One can always learn more.
Christian Pulisic
Christian Pulisic 2 yıl önce
Suzy Q,You look gorgeous 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
rocko 2 yıl önce
I like your descriptions about narcissism. I think you should describe the correlation between narcissism and childhood. Usually people who were raised in dysfunctional environments suffer from these conditions.
jkai 2 yıl önce
7 years wasted with a covert narc . In the end my fiancee made me feel worthless and I obsessed over her for two years even when she moved on to her new supply. It still hurts but knowledge is power and I'm finally starting to heal
Aimee 2 yıl önce
I know I'm late to this but here's my personal contribution. My sister is a narcissist and harmed me deeply in 2014-15. ( I won't get into the terrible things she did due to PTSD) She recently called me on my birthday, actually a belated birthday, to wish me good will. I almost slipped and let her in my life again by wanting to discuss a horrid thing a relative said to me the day before my other sister's funeral. I stopped myself due to the realization that SHE was the source of why this ugly thing was said. I immediately went grey rock and didn't return her calls. SMH!
R P 3 yıl önce
I think something interesting is I've noticed people who suspect this of people are sometime actually the cover narcissist. I've seen one sided stories but then later find out "victim" is the abuser(through mostly online interactions though). I'm just saying toxic people never see something wrong with themselves which should be a big takeaway if you are listening to someone's story about "being abused". I've been gaslit about this it's horrible it can be even worse than malignant narcissist because more people are able to see who the real abuser is. A cartoonish example of this is an incel.
SheJukster Yıl önce
This is one of the more brilliant useful healing videos I have found! I listened 3 times desperate to fix myself from attracting and letting vuln narcissists to get ahold of me with that compelling love-bombing! Being left starving for love doesn’t help so I am convincing myself that I am ok alone!
october skye
october skye 4 yıl önce
DEET? 😉 The Vulnerable Narcissist is *far* more difficult to identify, repel *or* dislike (initially). Especially when they have a chronic physical disorder (Diabetes, for example) and have "confided" in you. This is absolutely accurate, objective and extremely helpful information, Dr. Grande. Thank you! 🌹🐯
Passionate Brazilian Girl.
I feel like they are easy to identify just think of someone who even though they have a great job and a privileged life style yet they complain forever about anything and everything, they turn themselves into the center of the conversation with their "issues" "illnesses". At least the grandiose narcissist it is more fun to hang out with because they have no apparent "problems."
Lucy Renée
Lucy Renée Yıl önce
@Passionate Brazilian Girl. Well said!
FL 9 aylar önce
They are the sneakiest and most difficult to call out.
S Stritmatter
S Stritmatter 2 yıl önce
Gosh you nailed this SO WELL! I dated a vulnerable narcissist years ago (but had no idea what this type of person was at the time) - still disgusted by this person and was hurt by it a lot. I'm glad to understand it and you describe it in such detail so well. It's like reading a detailed information file.
Koen Raad
Koen Raad Yıl önce
A vulnerable person is not necessarily a narcissist, so I am careful with that. The vulnerable narcisist does not show arrogance right away. The ‘love bombing’ phase isn’t always romantic, can also occur in friendship or professional relationships. Then the day comes the narcissist pops up, and that is the day you may reconsider how to relate to him or her. I made plenty of mistakes (I am inclined to avoidance disorder, and to kling on to friendships), but I am learning, also not to feel too bad anymore for ending a harmful relationship.
RooftopRecipes Yıl önce
I love your videos. I have been in therapy for a long time for anxiety/depression & PTSD. I am watching this and have done a lot of DBT and spoken with my therapist about having BPD traits and am working extremely hard on how I treat the people I love, especially how I act impulsively in romantic relationships. I am extremely scared now though that if I am a covert narcissist, even following DBT skills and attempting to break my cycle of behaviors I want to change, that there isn’t any hope. Am I going to be like this forever? I am scared this means I will be toxic and detrimental to anyone I come across. I really don’t want to treat someone this way.
Awakened Yıl önce
These strategies really do work! People have to understand that EVERYTHING that happens between a vulnerable narcissist and a normal person is TRANSACTIONAL, all these strategies fall into place naturally. My narc MIL called me one day to invite herself over and *help* me with preparing the house prior to our twins's arrival, and I replied "No thank you. My friends are already coming over to help me with that." In other words, "You are not my friend, I can manage without being told what to do and I don't want to owe you anything."
K P Yıl önce
I learned about vulnerable narcissism after I left. Looking back, I said so many things during the relationship that were huge signs of emotional abuse and gaslighting. 2 1/2 years later I still can’t believe this 19 yr relationship even happened. She was the one person I trusted. Now I can see her master plan of deception. She would volunteer, go on church mission trips and act like a caring nurse. One peculiar thing I noticed was she didn’t understand jokes. Something wrong in there. It’s a long strange recovery. I’m no angel but wow this person silently damages people over and over again. She never admitted a mistake, never said she was sorry and no one in my family liked her. Socially everyone had a strange reaction to her. I overlooked all of this and kept trying. I still have dreams where she can make me cry with just a look. I wake up crying. Weird.
Laura Yıl önce
It is a long and strange recovery. Hang in there. Sometimes you need silence other times you need distractions. It's shocking and depressing to look back at what you went through. You must be very nice to have stayed and tried for so long. I hope you can get yourself back. Cheers to your less complicated life.🙏🏽
Brown Emperor
Brown Emperor 4 yıl önce
The BPD “vulnerable” type narcissist can definitely harm you from a distance too. Mine likes to ring my friends, family, workmates and even the Police to lie about me in an effort to destroy me.
Nico Rizzo
Nico Rizzo 3 yıl önce
So they have both BPD and vulnerable narcissism? That sounds tough to deal with.
Lissa Cabler Ware
Lissa Cabler Ware 3 yıl önce
Yes. Throw in Avoidant, psychotic, dissociative, and immobilised by fear at times. They can harm you from a distance. Gaslighting is abuse of the worst kind.
Cait M
Cait M 3 yıl önce
They use the police like a 7 year old tries to use mom and dad to get at a sibling.
Sounds like my dad
Escape From Crazytown
I appreciate Dr. Grande's explanations. Most of us who've been in deep relationships with a narcissist end up trying to figure out what the freak just happened to us. Their world is a total circus.
Silvia LittleWolf
Silvia LittleWolf 2 yıl önce
Thank you! This is some great advice for relationships! I have a colleague who is a vulnerable narcissist, and I will seek to implement as many of your tips as possible.
due process
due process 3 yıl önce
Hello Dr. Grande, forgive me if you've answered this question already...is there strategic advice or video suggestion for repelling a vulnerable narcissist whom you've recently discovered were a narcissist after a long term relationship? ultimately the goal is to leave but because of so much that is intertwined at this point it must be taken slowly, strategically and carefully. Thank you in advance
SirThinks2Much 7 aylar önce
Simply setting boundaries and keeping them - with just about anything! - is key to keeping them at a distance. Having been in a long-term friendship with a vulnerable narc I am still figuring this out. I did manage to repel a different narc accidentally. We had been fairly chatty, until one day she surprise-greeted me with a hug from a side I couldn't see from. I pulled away and told her, "if you want to hug me, come up and ask me directly, I get really startled when someone I can't see touches me." She didn't take that well and ended up fixating on a mutual friend instead (who, thankfully, got away from her as well).
The Curious Hermit - Gwynne Michele
My ex was diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder, but very much displays narcissistic traits, and I'm *still* trying to get rid of them. So glad to come across this to learn new strategies.
Doing Life With Anna Carson
It is an incredible relief to get away from the narcissist in my life! I truly had PTSD for quite awhile afterward; live and learn. I can spot a narcissist quickly now, fortunately.
diane9247 3 yıl önce
I so understand what you're talking about! Yes, you need some recovery time. It's like you've been run over by one of those road asphalt flattening machines. No joke.
mreloo 3 yıl önce
@diane9247 I want to know that feeling...just woke up after 40 years...now it's clear? all the chronic, serious health issues...emotionally dead...spiritually in need...financially broke....
Cowboy Calico Jakk
Cowboy Calico Jakk 2 yıl önce
Yes, even their phrases are predictable. I see them immediately and I can tell they know I know. Totally worth the pain the trauma and resurfaced truth caused, free now
Jess Yıl önce
I totally relate - it took years of recovery fro me from the trauma I suffered at the hands of two NPD romantic relationships. I feel the same way - I learned a lot and I am getting so much better at spotting them; however VN’s are very difficult to spot initially cause they’re sneaky.
sirlarek Yıl önce
Yes, I too suffered a ptsd event. So hard. I was on the brink of checking into a hospital. It came from a single event that crossed lines and inflicted a cognitive dissonance that was based on the big lie and inside out reality. I am a repeat sufferer of this kind of an event and it took me back to my own childhood trauma...
ScoobyD Yıl önce
I think it would be impossible to know what to look out for in a new friend/partner as no-one is perfect and everyone is on their best behaviour at first. Shyness could be misinterpreted as covert narcissism and extraversion could be seen as grandiose narcissism. I imagine it takes a long time to see what you are dealing with. Most people have a few of these bad traits I imagine?
Melanie Knowles
Melanie Knowles 2 yıl önce
Dr. I raised my kids and grandbabies but still have a child in the house acting more childish than my 4 year old granddaughter. This is indeed a prison sentence with a narc. I have implemented your stratergy's and all worked out very well for me. Thank you.
SBM 3 yıl önce
"Don't allow them to help when they're not genuine." Omg this my NDad CONSTANTLY offers to 'help' but it's always just a way to get supply or be able to hold it over my head later on. He'll offer to buy me things, he'll offer to lend me money even though I have been financially independent for many years. When myself and my husband were getting married he kept offering to pay for things but I refused because I KNEW ,(from experience) that if he had a financial foot in the door he was going to start trying to control the event by holding his money hostage. He told me you could have a perfectly nice wedding for $500 so I doubt he would have given us much money anyways but it's the principle of the matter
Pamela Turner
Pamela Turner 2 yıl önce
Ditto. But mine would do it without my knowledge sometimes. "Here, let me help you with College" *four years later* "Oh, you thought I was paying for your college? Here's the bill with all the interest worked out year on year."
Mary Archangel
Mary Archangel Yıl önce
My dad told me to go ahead and arrange my mum's funeral!! His wife's!!! Then, was furious when he got the bill. I was totally confused, as I thought I was doing him a favour. He expected me to pay for it.
Laura Wells
Laura Wells 7 aylar önce
Same! My dad did the same thing. Now he’s trying to offer to help me pay for something i really need and i instantly am wondering what it is that he wants from me. I wish I could accept his offers as kindness but I refuse to believe that he just changed like that. He can’t do anything for anyone unless there is a benefit for his ego.
Laura Wells
Laura Wells 7 aylar önce
The part at the end about him wanting to offer to pay for something big but then making up the excuse that it’s too expensive through some fault of your own as a way to step out of the offer he made is my N Father to the core
danswon 8 aylar önce
I had a close friend who became increasingly difficult over the years (or perhaps I increasingly realised she was an emotional/abusive manipulator and liar), to the point where I just found her to be stressful in my life. At one point she got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (or at least that's what she told me) which didn't surprise me, but I feel her personality really adhered to that of Vulnerable Narcissist more. As you say, there is overlap. I can see why mental health professionals might have seen her as BPD but I knew her much more intimately for almost 20 years. Regardless, she just used it as another ploy to get more benefits money from the government and control people more - in the hands of someone like this a diagnosis of personality disorder is actually used as just another tool in which to manipulate people. I had to cut her out of my life exactly 4 years ago, which of course was dramatic as it will be with someone like this, and I have never regretted that decision and do not miss her at all. If you're much younger and more impressionable/vulnerable as I was when I first got to know her (she was almost a decade older than me), these people can wreak havok in your life and really hurt you. I wish I'd known these things and how to spot the signs when I was 20 years old. I had no idea at all. And tbh I probably wouldn't have understood if someone wiser had tried to tell me. I appreciate these videos for confirming what I had thought, and hopefully helping some people avoid damaging situations. Thanks.
Adriana Pacheco
Adriana Pacheco 3 yıl önce
You are a brilliant psychotherapist. Although I consider myself well educated and very knowledgeable in human behavior and psychology in general, I never had heard of the concept of “ overt narcissism” and I am simply astonished. It is really helping me realize that my daughter was in this kind of relationship .But to make it worse, her long term bf was diagnosed with fitting into the Squizoid Personality Disorder as well . So it is a double whammy. But t the explanation of overt narcissism is been a tremendous eye opener. Thank you so much .
Karen Abrams
Karen Abrams 4 yıl önce
That over assumption of intimacy and declaring relationship status that doesn’t exist have been miserable traps I wished I’d been brave enough to challenge and correct when it started. In hindsight I’d rather offend a coworker and put up with appearing a little mean, rather than get suckered into earning their paycheck for them and having to figure out how to extricate myself from doing that under the guilt trip litany of sob storying. I’d prefer to never make that mistake again! I have quit jobs over this situation. This helped me zero in on critical times I need to be aware of the need for me to speak up and assert my boundaries.
hcn 3 yıl önce
How practical your advice is, no one else offers content like this, thank you!.. "Well.. acquaintance is a little strong" a second time , brilliant- that is a subtle way to guarantee the narcissist makes a mental note NEVER to mistake you for any kind of easy target
M T Yıl önce
I think it's important to know that you can change your mind about a person and change that relationship if you don't feel good about it. You never have to put up with something that doesn't make you feel safe or respected. They won't like it, but it will do you a world of good for your own sake.
Marty Smith
Marty Smith 3 yıl önce
I do agree with the vulnerable narcissist (my older sister) doing personal damage up close. Don't let them in at all. With grandiose (another older sister) she does damage from afar and up close when they are together. Jealousy plays a big role in this. I've been exposed to both and so agree with you. I had to cut all ties with them. That's a shame too because they are my sisters but not worth the time of day for me.
Miss J.
Miss J. 2 yıl önce
Very accurate. I wish you could make a video for people dealing with narcissist and borderline parents.
riblets1968 3 yıl önce
I think in respect to the vulnerable narcissist, you tend to find yourself already involved with her to some degree before the mask begins to slip and you begin to get the sense that there is something really wrong. And even then, it's difficult to grasp if one has not had training and/or experience with such persons. Such was the case with me. It was my own stubbornness in wanting the relationship to work, however, that I even tolerated it for as long as I did. I even broke up with her once before, but I allowed myself to get involved with her again before finally ending it for good. At length, after enduring intense and unending abuse of all sorts from this woman, I simply established a boundary and made it clear that it was not negotiable, i.e., cut the shit or get out. She surprised me by not blowing up at me as I had been accustomed to by this time but rather with a sort of calmness. Apparently by then she got the message that the game was up and she moved out two or three weeks later. It sounds easy but it represented a huge step for me and it changed my life for the better. No formal diagnosis was necessary here; I simply had to change my focus from making the clearly impossible "work," to taking care of myself. Once I resigned myself to the futility of the former, it became easier to focus on the latter.
Math Don
Math Don 4 yıl önce
Block and delete. Acknowledge you had a part to play in your mental anguish. Start to repair character defects that made you a victim. Start to reduce emotional flash backs. Build healthy relationships with clear boundaries.
Lux Meow
Lux Meow 4 yıl önce
When it's been your entire life, it's way more complex to break ties. When it's a parent and going no contact is the only way and you have no other family, life is brutal. Everything makes sense to me now but where was this in the education system. I believe I was even bullied or had 'admirers' and stalkers like this in and out of highschool. The amount of disordered people surrounding me must be up there with record breaking quantities. A bright light in a cave filled with monsters. When I was a teen I would have nightmares about my mom and later on my ex and would switch to my mom. I've gone no contact and it's the only way she can't do more damage. One time she even told me she thinks I need to get away from her, my ex said the same (as in for my own survival). In some weird way I think they both cared about me but couldn't love. Heartbreaking for everyone.
Lance Lust
Lance Lust 4 yıl önce
I'm wondering if my mother was a vulnerable narcissist. I know my ex girlfriend is.
N D 4 yıl önce
Math D: Block and delete is more of what the Narcissist does after inflicting abuse. They don't care - and think nothing of it to do it again and again- So- The ole' Block and Delete' and not take responsibility for it, is more their style.
N D 4 yıl önce
@Lux Meow I appreciate your story. And many people probably wouldn't believe that so many can really surround a person like us. But it's TRUE !
N D 4 yıl önce
@Lux Meow I also wonder where it was in our education system too. It's like they didn't know diddly - squat then...
97T57 3 yıl önce
I am so thrilled to know that even before watching this great video, I took the right steps! 😁 I think I just repelled a vulnerable narcissist with whom I went on a date, by establishing swift boundaries... He attempted to go from 0 to 10 in emotional involvement and I quickly stopped him on his tracks by saying: "I am not the casual dating type. So what are you looking for exactly? I need to know this before we proceed any further" He gave me the vague answer, "I am looking for more than friendship" To which I replied, "haha, well, a hookup and a casual stint also qualify as more than friendship. So it looks like we are not looking for the same thing here. Otherwise, you would have been more specific. I don't think we are compatible" And even if he didn't lash out, I could see he was seething on the inside...😅 Oh my goodness! I just dogged a bullet! Yes!!! 😁💪 Thank you, Dr Grande. You made my day with this video! I wish you would include PDFs of your videos so we could print your tips and have them readily available, when we need to review them! ❤
petrairene 3 yıl önce
It's interesting that you mention that vulnerable narcissism has a big overlap with histrionic and dependent, when some years ago I started reading through the diagnostic manuals and criteria for personality disorder I found that my mother is a perfect blend of narcissistic, histrionic and dependent personality disorder. Narcissistic as in her sense entitlement that all people around her are only there to serve her whims and needs plus the ugly side of her if you fail to provide and the justifications how everyone who doesn't serve her is evil, histrionic in her permanent need for importance, glamour, drama and being the center of attention and insecure with her dependence for someone else to be there and take care for her needs, plan things, even the silly, regressed little girl voice she switches to when trying to manipulate the people around her.
Mark Yıl önce
You've defined my mother to a tee. Thank you for talking about this!!!
Nick Papageorgio
Nick Papageorgio 2 yıl önce
I find this subject to be incredibly fascinating. Watching videos like this does help to provide me with a lot of foresight and my interaction with others. The unsettling thing about all of this is that concepts like vulnerable narcissism, grandiose narcissism, borderline personality disorder,... These are all labels; ethereal, gelatinous theoretical constructs that all overlap with each other. My understanding is that the new DSM is just going to consolidate everything into personality disorder, and integrate the five Factor model. I think this will be a step in the right direction but it seems we have to throw out a whole lot of what we think we know about psychology.
Dawn Marie Roper
Dawn Marie Roper Yıl önce
Yes, this was interesting and useful. Particularly the parts about not allowing narcs to volunteer to do things for you so that you "owe" them. Thank you.
Ann LvsElvis
Ann LvsElvis 4 yıl önce
Setting boundaries can be difficult and unkind but necessary. it seems so many people damage others with their narcissism or ASPD that I think there should be more awareness. It would be interesting to know the figures. Education is the key, whether you are harmed '' from a distance or up close and personal'' it can have lasting effects.
Right Now
Right Now 4 yıl önce
Ann lvselvis so true 👍🏻 . It’s so bad I think schools should give kids option classes
Rones 33
Rones 33 4 yıl önce
Ann lvselvis we need a new movement #narctoo 🤷‍♀️
Escape From Crazytown
Something you wrote really struck me. I tell people all the time that setting boundaries is not unkind. That's what narcissists and abusive people tell us. Enabling is actually less kind. The movement we need to start is to do away with the teaching that boundaries are unkind. Having a lock on your door is not unkind. Using it is not unkind. It lets others know when you don't want them to come in. And that's ok. Having and using boundaries aren't unkind.
Rones 33
Rones 33 4 yıl önce
Escape From Crazytown funny you mention locks on doors as I have had to use mine inside my home as I get triggered if anyone bursts into my bedroom or bathroom without knocking (and yes this did happen before I started using the locks consistently).
Escape From Crazytown
@Rones 33 , I would be startled, too, if someone just burst through my door. Boundaries are like those locks that allow us to select who we want to let in and what behaviors we want to let in to our life.
Jenn W
Jenn W 2 yıl önce
I'm enjoying your thoughts on vulnerable/covert narcissism so much. Few speak about these relationship dynamics. I feel these repellent strategies might be most helpful when used on a co-worker, church member, family member that you really can't avoid. For romantic relationships it seems better to see the signs and avoid them in the first place, right? Dr. Ramani has given interesting suggestions about doing little tests or experiments when you first meet or date a potential romantic partner. Like bringing up someone else you really admire, and seeing how your date reacts. She also points out you can tell a great deal just by watching how they treat you and others (Did they show up on time and act courteous? How did they treat the waiter and cab driver?) I really hope I can learn to see the red flags, and stop making excuses when I do see them.
Knife Detector
Knife Detector 9 aylar önce
This is extremely helpful. I am currently a LPC Associate, and I have a brother that has cut off ties with me for several years now. I believe he is a Vulnerable Narcissist. He does not take criticism well, and he only talks about his own accomplishments and endeavors. He has been divorced 4 or five times, and he does not take rejection well. Any opinion that departs from his own way of thinking incites anger and resentment. He has cut me off since I started disagreeing with him on various topics over the years. When he feels he is not being appreciated he moves away. He moved to Mexico about 2 years ago, but had a disagreement with his wife, and divorced her after a previous separation and is returning back to the US. Now I will have to deal with his presence a lot more since he will come visit my parents that are in their 80s. I feel when he does this, it is not for their benefit, but only for his, so he can gloat about his life rather that assist my parents. My parents are 85 years old, and he does nothing to help them. He only talks about himself. This episode gave me some tools if he decides to speak to me again, or we happen to be at my parent's house at the same time. Thank you.
Joo Hee
Joo Hee Yıl önce
I definitely saw the overlap with those other disorders in the person I know had covert narcissism who I just got out of a relationship with (I have some clinical training as a social worker). It was a highly confusing and draining experience for even the short amount of time I was with him. Very destructive to my life, as well.
Page Mastrogiovanni
Page Mastrogiovanni 3 yıl önce
I agree 100%. I tend to attract BPD female friends and malignant/covert/vulnerable narcissistic paramours, and I realize it after the fact, though I am always careful and calculated with my speech, when I accidentally repel them. Since I am a super empath...lately my more narcissist traits are coming out after being the overgiving, always wanting to help empath I am better to see the traits in a person quickly. Also the fact my father and more than a few exes were covert narcs has also helped. Experience is the best teacher, although the experiences were painful.
Bhodisatvas 3 yıl önce
Wow! Described my ex perfectly! Much more destructive emotionally. If an overt narcissist is a gun shot from a distance then a covert narcissist is a knife attack...up close and personal as you said.
Kylie Nolan
Kylie Nolan 4 yıl önce
Great advice. Looking back on my relationship with my covert boyfriend there were MANY red flags ie not one friend and absolute disinterest in making friends. Aggressively asking if I 'loved him yet' when I only knew him for 3 weeks (as I was refusing to rush into sex) mirroring, love bombing, anger at anyone with a higher position than him at his work. Could NEVER apologise or take any responsibility for ANY wrongdoing no matter how minor. Told me aggressively that women told him he was their greatest lover when I didn't feel like sex (In reality having sex with him was very bland and void of intimacy) obsessed with his looks and clothes , and so many more. The day after we broke up he had a new girlfriend who he had in backup , and then went onto a new relationship a month or two later and tried to Hoover me to be his backup for that relationship!!! I told him I thought he was a covert narcissist and he vanished! I think he might be aware that he is a covert but me saying it to him was way too much for him to bare.
C. R.
C. R. 4 yıl önce
Kylie Nolan sounds eerily similar to the person I was in a relationship with.
Kylie Nolan
Kylie Nolan 4 yıl önce
@C. R. probably was lol I met him on a dating app, looking back I think he was still very active on the dating sites when he and I were exclusive searching for new supply and keeping old supply in reserve. Also at the end of it I realised I never really knew much about him - Because he was like a chameleon , he became everything he thought I wanted , wanted the same goals, same hobbies etc. Also I don't think there actually was much to know about him because he was kind of empty, there was no depth - which I wonder if that is another giveaway of a covert?
S Yıl önce
So what if the person I’m with told me I’m a covert Narc and I haven’t completely left because I have guilt co/dependency issues. I have tried to ghost him/ignore him/end the relationship and have pretty much told him I don’t think I’m in love anymore after he has told me over and over I have BPD and am a covert Narc and everytime we get into a argument he throws that I’m a covert Narc constantly. It’s made me resent him diagnosing me and Constantly talking about bpd and he has a psychology background btw. He’s Not a psychologist. But knows a lot. Anyway, I know I have mental health struggles, anxiety, panic attacks and depression but I had never been diagnosed with BPD by any dr. I have been with This person for almost 10 years. I met him when I was going through a separation/divorce. He’s the one that approached me and perused me more. I was interested but he lied by saying he was in a similar situation but he made it seem like he lived with a girlfriend not a wife. he then 2 months later he told me she was pregnant and I stayed with this guy for years while he was still married and I didn’t want to. I felt guilt and bad for the wife and it caused me literal hell. To love and hate this person at the same time at what he was putting me through by not letting me go or move on since he was staying married and staying he said till the child was old enough. He said he didn’t want to abandon his child which I understood. But I’m starting to wonder if this caused me to become like BPD or caused trauma for me and we have a trauma bond now and I can’t leave or get him to leave. I don’t know who can help me with this. I’ve tried counseling and trying to get help. But haven’t gotten the right advise or help:(
S Yıl önce
What I don’t understand is if he’s in the psychology field and he actually thinks I’m a covert Narc or BPD why he would want to be with me still?!
S Yıl önce
I have asked him this. His response is you can’t choose who you fall in love with.
Stephanie M Edmark
Stephanie M Edmark 2 yıl önce
Crazy, I just realized my ex was a Vulnerable narcissist not grandiose. He was hyper sensitive to criticism, very dependent, constantly developing weird and inappropriate relationships with random people he just met, but also wanted to appear as impressive as possible.... so was he both?
Janet Pattison
Janet Pattison 3 aylar önce
Wow! Thanks Dr Grande! This list of how to repel is spot on, illustrating how I got into a vulnerable narc relationship , and how I’m backing out of it, step by step, as in no longer offering to help, no longer giving advice, setting new boundaries & more. ❤❤❤❤
Susan C
Susan C 3 yıl önce
Interesting. I had thought my cousin was a vulnerable narcissist because she is so cold to me in contrast to how warm and effusive she is to all of my other relatives. It's not so much that she doesn't like me, it's that she has decided not to like me. She is getting something out of being so cold to me and trying to freeze me out. She is very confident and extrovert. Maybe she's a grandiose narcissist.
Phoenix Rising
Phoenix Rising Yıl önce
Keep them at bay by minimizing their significance in your life or giving them the cold shoulder. Denying intimacy or relationship involvement is crucial 💥 developing an emotional attachment is the hook & screw Keeping at arms length is the best advice 👍
Sahara Alberto
Sahara Alberto 3 yıl önce
I agree with the tactics described to repel the vulnerable narcissist. The problem lies in recognizing the narcissistic personality early on - which is difficult, since their manipulative and disagreeable traits don't emerge until you get to know them, especially if they are intelligent. Sometimes these people can appear as very empathetic and endearing, and use this to draw you in. Often, they have been to therapy and have some insight into their own behavior - in other words, they know which parts of themselves to hide from you. Once you are in their web, a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist is down-right confusing and crazy-making - all the time you are second-guessing yourself and walking on egg-shells, wondering where things went so horribly wrong....
white light sheddin' , weed smokin'
I couldn't thank you enough, Dr. Grande for the effect this series of videos have had on me. I started seeing people and facets of myself in a more objective and perceptive light recently. You have destroyed all "outrage" I've felt about things like narcissism (and to a certain extent abuse) in a way even my own therapist couldn't (in my opinion). There's alot of so-so mental health info out there. Your influence on this community is undeniable and important. You deserve all the success!
white light sheddin' , weed smokin'
"it's not the person who's evil, it's the *act* " - ✌🏻
A.Sweden Yıl önce
Someone who looks too good to be true almost always is!
Kimberly Patton
Kimberly Patton 3 yıl önce
I'm so glad I found your channel! I have recently realized that this is my long term boyfriends main problem and the explanation and name to put on the whole behaviors he has.It is truly covert in him and I'm constantly in a state of confusion and consternation since I am a highly sensitive empathic intuitive loving person.The two most opposing characters there could possibly be.The main difference with us (and the only reason I'm able to even cope ) is that I am able to identify and speak my mind and call him on the sh#@ he tries to play on me.I don't let him get by with trying to pull on me to con.He absolutely goes numb at times when he hears how I can read him and can't fool me.I told him the other day how much he hates it because he hates it since he has ceased impressing me and gaining praise from that.He does that to others to " play the good guy" and get the pats on the back that he craves.I don't buy into that game and let it be known.As long as I have this awareness I'm not going to be in danger of being committed to my local mental hospital!
Bex 2 yıl önce
These videos are so helpful. I still wonder more about the beginnings of vulnerable narcissistic personality disorder, although I know its probably going to be hugely variable depending on the person and their family. I still can't get through my head why people behave in these ways with the closest people to them. And how can't they recognise the difference in their attitude toward each person in their hierarchy
Emily Fleming
Emily Fleming 3 yıl önce
Love your videos! It is refreshing to listen to information on narcissism that is evidence based, rather than speculative and overly emotional.
Christian Pulisic
Christian Pulisic 2 yıl önce
Emily Fleming,You look cute 🌹🥀🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Emily Fleming
Emily Fleming 2 yıl önce
@Christian Pulisic me too ;)
Christian Pulisic
Christian Pulisic 2 yıl önce
@Emily Fleming Which country are you from?
Miguel Paul
Miguel Paul 9 aylar önce
I didn't know what NPD was until I was w one for 4 years and figured it out in the after math in counseling and.helping myself. Now though I know that there are people out there w different personality traits and disorders that require me to put up BOUNDARIES! A coworker w vulnerable narcissistic traits (victim, sensitive to criticism, dark cloud, false kindness, criticizes everyone) raised red flags. She tried to call me by a nickname that only longtime friends use and I don't even know how she knows. I corrected her each time til she stopped. I don't share anything about my life w her. I am cordial and respectful. But I leave her alone. She certainly says things about me but when the chance to hear came up I say no I don't care what she says don't tell me. She's miserable. She's morbidly obese and two faced. This week she got written up for insubordination for her mouthing off and she was seething. But this is why I want nothing to do with her and it works. Let her In a little like one coworker did and its not pleasant.
Angela Mossucco
Angela Mossucco 9 aylar önce
Yes. So important to look for: Victim mentality and ultra sensitive to perceived criticism or actual constructive criticism or ANYthing that questions the perfect ‘false self” that helps some survive neglect and abuse and the rejection of the real little self who the parents could or would not honor… The true self was rejected and it seems that the false self must never be rejected
danswon 8 aylar önce
Well done for protecting yourself! Wish i'd known these things 20 years ago
Zachary Rodrigues
Zachary Rodrigues 4 yıl önce
I wasn’t aware of vulnerable narcissism overlapping with HPD and DPD. Interesting video, thanks for sharing!
Jessica Because
Jessica Because Yıl önce
I didnt know until now vulnerble narcs are not anything like NPD, yet more BPD. Thhis clears up a lot of the generalized missed targets Ive seen typically only about Grandiose.
Brenda Kauffman
Brenda Kauffman 2 yıl önce
It was helpful to hear that the vulnerable narcissist likes to harm within relationships while the grandiose likes to harm even at a distance. This makes sense. The problem of course is often you cannot see the vulnerable covert narc. during the early stages where you could easily keep them at a distance and where they cannot do much damage.
Florence Jane
Florence Jane 3 yıl önce
Can you PLEASE do a video on co-parenting with a narcissist (mother) and how to cope with the projection of being accused as one? Also strategies on how to communicate and what would be deemed essential communication only if you had to limit contact to that (because any form of communication creates conflict). Also how step parents can cope when the children are subtly being manipulated to be the enemy. Thank you for your amazing videos!
AyeJayCee Yıl önce
Thank you Dr Grande for finally getting me closure on my ex's weird and inexplicable behaviour. Everything you have described about covert narcissists explains her behaviour to a T. It was very confusing for me because after we broke up, where she ran away from her family while everyone was at work to be with her grandiose narcissist cousin, I didn't know what I had done wrong because I genuinely tried to do everything right but it was never enough. She has recently cut off her entire family.