Case Study: Narcissism and Snapping | When the Narcissist Loses Control 

Dr. Todd Grande
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This video answers the question: Can I analyze a case study featuring a narcissist who snapped? Sometimes snapping is referred to as an episode of narcissistic rage.
What does it mean to snap? There is no official scientific definition, but for the purposes this video, here is the definition: when somebody suddenly manifests aggression that is different from their normal behavior.
People can snap for a variety of reasons. The cause of snapping comes down to a combination of stress and personality.
Narcissists are susceptible due to their personality structure and they are also susceptible because they create stress through their behavior.
There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.
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25 Oca 2020




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nicely done
nicely done 3 yıl önce
Narcissists will go into a narcissistic rage, but forget about how they acted the next time they talk to you.
Stephanie Carrington
Right I get the whole what's wrong, why you upset..... surely you couldn't still be upset over me yelling at you two days ago....it's like they don't fully remember what they do or have done....
WALLY Yıl önce
@Stephanie Carrington it must feel like they are going crazy. knowing they cant control what comes out of there mouths/brains when stressed/anxious, and knowing they cant control their true morals/beliefs.
JRod Yıl önce
@Stephanie Carrington However, remember vividly anytime that they perceived this from your part.
Stephanie Carrington
@JRod right every time it seems they can remember your screw ups constantly but constantly have brain facts regarding theirs.
L-STORM Yıl önce
@Stephanie CarringtonDealing with this now with a sibling 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️
Joseph 3 yıl önce
They disregard everyone else's boundaries, but over-vigilantly police their own
Kyna Thomas
Kyna Thomas 3 yıl önce
YOU are speaking nothing but the TRUTH!💯♥️
Francesca A
Francesca A 3 yıl önce
Exactly right. Hurting others is nothing, but even a tiny offense to them requires immediate revenge.
CatsInHats S.Crouching Tiger
They’re so unfair: Vindictive, unyielding judgmental yet they can let it all hang out but must be tolerated, accepted and relentlessly forgiven.
Table Scissors
Table Scissors 3 yıl önce
@Francesca A FACT!!
Hopefully222 3 yıl önce
So correct! I dated one recently. I wasn't allowed to have any normal expectations of him. If I tried to work out even the smallest issues he would get upset and say" I'm not fighting with you". I never raised my voice once with him. Very draining.
Amanda Tarkington
My mother "snapped" after I told her I knew all about her public "mask" and how she treats me. She screamed in a demonic rage and said she hopes I end up homeless. She passed a month ago and completely dis-inherited me.I am her only child and actually turned out pretty normal considering everything I was put through. She has come to me in my dreams and said she is sorry for not leaving me any money. Guess she is not doing well in her soul review!
Maria .A.
Maria .A. Yıl önce
Her "soul review"😅.. I like that.
Cory Johnson
Cory Johnson 7 aylar önce
Wow- that’s powerful. I’m so glad that you turned out “normal” (whatever that is 😉)
William Bibb
William Bibb 4 aylar önce
It's scary to have such a narcissistic mother. Cudos to you for not turning out like her.
chickyshack1978 3 yıl önce
They suddenly drop all pretense and expose their true feelings. It's really scary.
Janette Coleman
Janette Coleman 3 yıl önce
Oh yes, I saw that one day, the perpetrator nearly shot themselves because they had exposed their behaviour, not realising someone was watching, I have never seen that look of COLD REALISATION before, I believe the Devil was looking at me!👿 A very ugly, perverted, psycho, female, deadly!
mrs mucha
mrs mucha 3 yıl önce
@Janette Coleman It's scary when it happens. Their face turns into a demon's face. Pure evil.
Joyce Andrews
Joyce Andrews 3 yıl önce
Very, Very Scary!!!
Miriam Havard
Miriam Havard 3 yıl önce
Yep. The TRUE person comes out.
Miriam Havard
Miriam Havard 3 yıl önce
Sarah Kelly 💗
Michael Cummings
Michael Cummings 3 yıl önce
Narc rage feels like a nasty police interrogation / constantly accusing you of something you didnt do / or highly overreacting to tiny issues / obsessive hostility toward others / trying to harass people / after a wile you get a sense of bad feeling when your around them / feel threatened in their presents / refuse to help them or aid them in any way . AND THEY KNOW IT .
Silver Moon
Silver Moon 3 yıl önce
From my experience, my ex was a screaming, intimidating interrogator who did not care what your answers were. He would answer for you. He would actually say the words " so you're telling me that you think I'm garbage?" When I hadn't said a word. Even if I pointed out I wasn't even speaking he would continue on with his raging interrogation. Now looking back, I realize that all the rages and interrogating was to instill fear & gain control as he felt completely out of control... what I mean by out of control for him, I mean that he would feel he was losing his grip on controlling situations and people including me. He needed to control everything that was going on at all times. His thoughts were definitely was out of control. He would say he had no control over himself but I think he did. I think it was selective control. I witnessed it many times. In the middle of the worst rage, he could morph into a reasonable sounding person towards someone else. I think he believed that by saying he Lacked the ability to control himself, or he didn't 'remember' his rages, he wasn't responsible for criminal an abusive behavior.
Silver Moon
Silver Moon 3 yıl önce
Otie Jason what do you mean you snap? I'm not sure why you said you wouldn't be considered a Narcissist. Do they call you a narcissist when you snap? There's snapping and there's SNAPPING. Some Ppl have anger issues and no, this does not make them a narcissist. Ppl who have witnessed a NPD individual's kind of snap discover it's a different off the charts kind of rage.
Noname 2 yıl önce
Well said. U have been thru it. It's weird and upsetting so much. ✌
Kathy Jenkins
Kathy Jenkins Yıl önce
Excellent way to put it! Simply crazy and horrifying at the same time!
Micaelli Yıl önce
@Kathy Jenkins Yup. People like this are scary.
AccessAccess 3 yıl önce
Often found that the higher you go in a corporate structure, the more likely these positions are filled by someone who is either narcissistic or psychopathic, or even both.
Jerry Marshall
Jerry Marshall 3 yıl önce
Yep ,or you have the higher ups that cant or wont put a shock collar on these jerks,or better yet fire em or at least not expose humans to them.
Really Happenings
Really Happenings 3 yıl önce
What experience do you have in the high levels of sufficiently numerous corporations to comprise a sample? Oh, none?
keyissues10 3 yıl önce
Because narcissists have leadership qualities.
Butterfly Girl
Butterfly Girl 3 yıl önce
@Really Happenings Everyone is aware of it because of the legal issues they cause by their behavior.
Suzanne Ballou
Suzanne Ballou 3 yıl önce
I lived with a narcissist for two years. While having a conversation one evening, I corrected him on a certain subject. That didn’t go too well. He argued with me until I had proved to him that I was right. He stood in front of me and screamed at me that I did not respect him and to prove that I did, he demanded that I stand up and salute him. I refused and he then told me to get my things and leave.
evandewind Yıl önce
"Stand up and salute him" That's hilarious! Very lucky for you to have a narcissist prove that they aren't worth being around and then pushing you away. Sayonara!
Charlene Robinson
Oh my 🤣🤣🤣he was wayyyy too much. Not salute him and get my things and leave. Girl, that’s the best thing he told you to do was leave cause baby that was definitely what needed to be done.
Melissa M
Melissa M Yıl önce
I would have given him a ONE finger salute and happily left and blocked them on every venue
Artistic Dreamer
Artistic Dreamer 10 aylar önce
Wait, I need to know, did he beg you to return?
Bonnie Davis
Bonnie Davis 10 aylar önce
@Artistic Dreamer And they always threaten their new victim, ahem, I mean love interest, with returning to you because you truly loved and respected them. Yes, it seems their only dialogue with people is designed to hurt them.
Paper-Chase Publications
"Narcissism doesn't fail in stages, it fails catastrophically." That's deep...🤔
Nancy Ayers
Nancy Ayers 3 yıl önce
So great to know!! They go to extremes - my association with a Narcissist led to three attempts to strangle me. Finally, thank Holy God above, I began to file divorce proceedings, and it saved my life! Some years after, this hideous man confided to an old family friend, who told me, that he never should have agreed to a divorce, and burst out in tears, much weeping. Was this true regret, or was he just sorry, or was he regretting his agreement to the divorce because it meant he couldn't abuse me anymore!? Unfortunately, I'll never know. And that's perfectly okay!!! He may have regret, but all I have is glorious joy that I finally - got away!!!
Tracy Mullane
Tracy Mullane 3 yıl önce
@Nancy Ayers I completely understand the feeling! Congratulations on it and much success.
Shombie 3 yıl önce
@Nancy Ayers "Holy God above" watched as a man you loved and trusted put his hands around your throat and tried to squeeze the life out of you. This god of yours betrayed you three times. This god did nothing but let you be abused. God can do everything, sees all, knows all, has a plan, according to believers. So easy for him to have simply never allow you to meet your abuser in the first place. You were tortured and suffered trauma. For what? Thank yourself for finally getting away. Give credit where credit is due. This sounds like one god I'd never put my trust in. You naively trust men just as you naively trust this father figure you call god. What kind of father would let his daughter go through that? Life is too precious. Our psyches are fragile. Yet, this god allows innocent and vulnerable people to be hurt as we speak. The violence and terror it creates will continue like it always has, causing lasting scars. Maybe it's time to open your eyes and expand your mind, ask questions, spot red flags, learn how to not give your dignity away to male authority figures. God didn't point out any red flags this time. He won't be looking out for you next time, either. You must do this for yourself. And then, you can protect yourself.
John Heaviside
John Heaviside 3 yıl önce
Ive seen it. When a narcissist collapses.......its pretty damn scary. Mine delved into addiction and unbridled sexually deviant behavior.
Delyta 3 yıl önce
I believe my father was an overt narcissist. He retaliated in sneaky but intimidating ways when he didn't get his way at work, writing damaging anonymous letters, blackmailing his superiors with false accusations even in necessary. But every now and then he's snap and assault someone or damage work property or something aggressive. He was paranoid and oversensitive to criticism, wreaking havoc everywhere, including his entire family. Horrible feeling to be relieved when a parent passes on but I lived in fear of him and his threats based on pure paranoia. Anyway, thanks for this. I don't think anyone ever hired him without later regretting it.
KillbotKane 3 yıl önce
Deb T I am sorry to hear about your fathers behaviour, I hope you now have found peace and living your best life ❤️❤️
Glad he is gone! Try to live a happy life now. Get the help if needed.
Nancy Ayers
Nancy Ayers 3 yıl önce
Well I have to disagree, and did, when you said your narcissist was "sneaky." It's been my experience that a narcissist is EVER sneaking around. Mine was vicious and "in your face" all the time. I knew exactly how much he seemed to utterly despise me every single day.
Janette Coleman
Janette Coleman 3 yıl önce
I have never regretted my "producers" dying!👿😈
Julia-Venetian Cat Fine Art
So often, companies enable the narcissist and blame the victim, same with schools-and the bully gets away with it time and again. NICE to see that once in a while, one gets exposed. These should be shown to management in every company as a part of management education. Videos like yours really put light on the subject, and knowledge is 99% of the resolution to this issue. Thank you for taking the time out of your surely busy schedule, to post these videos. Cheers from New Mexico USA! Julia
B L 3 yıl önce
Because narcissists are manipulative and look good on paper from a recruitment standpoint. They also produce short term results that make the company look good (over long term pain of anybody working under them). And most HR departments probably do not have training to identify narcissists.
manoftheworld1000 3 yıl önce
During my entire life as an employed clinician only once did I have a "superior" who did *not* turn out to be a bully. Since I put a stop to that (I've run my private practice for 15 years now) the only bullies are GPs and health care authority bosses. For the first time in my life I've been able to go about my clinical work unharassed! That's the state of affairs.
Backintime Alwyn
Backintime Alwyn 3 yıl önce
it happened to me, a new collegue I had never met talked to me as literal shit on the phone, at first I tried "hey we don't know each other , I'm AL" he answered "oh... I see" and continued yaling at me over something he did'nt know shit about (I 've been doing that job for ten years) I tried to explain why I did my job as it was supposed to be done, got tired of the verbal abuse and told him that I would'nt take it and he had to adress me politely, he snaped and came at me threatening to hit me in front of everyone , he had to be stoped physically by my other collegues. So I filed a complaint . Then he retaliated and accused me of having said something that put him in this state of rage (I still don't know what, but I think his accusations were pretty serious), fortunately my company records phonecalls. YET he got nothing, no blame , no firing , nothing and I was told that something in the tone of my voice must have triggered the violence. He got promoted a few month later on a position I had applied for.
Shaarei Zohar Daas
Shaarei Zohar Daas 3 yıl önce
@Backintime Alwyn This is why people need to document and whistleblow.
Bella M
Bella M 3 yıl önce
My ex snapped frequently & it made me into an overly anxious person. I walked on eggshells, never knowing what might set him off next. If it wasn't something I said or did, it was his parents or a stranger at the supermarket. I was constantly in fear of his temper. I'm glad that I was referred to your channel, as it's helped to affirm things I had suspected for a long time. It's also helped me realise that I'm not actually crazy - something my ex had tried to gaslight me into believing for 3 years.
Virginia South
Virginia South 3 yıl önce
YaY...moving forward
Christy S in IA
Christy S in IA 3 yıl önce
my step dad was same
unite4peace88 3 yıl önce
So very proud of you, seeing you put that "ex" in the conversation is so refreshing. Keep loving you, and keep growing strong.
Sufi Muslim Lion
Sufi Muslim Lion 2 yıl önce
Lol no he wasn’t.
Please. 2 yıl önce
Try 9....I'm walking away.
Nachannachle 3 yıl önce
This is gold. I was a very naive/accepting person for most of my life up until I turned 30. I wasn't aware my father and big sister were hardcore narcissists, I thought they just were very "demanding", a bit stupid, and just plain weak. So I always somehow pitied them. It wasn't until I saw their murderous schemes directed at my mother that I "snapped" and wrote them out of my life for good. I was almost relieved when my father passed away, days after I told him I didn't want to have anything to do with him. I have done the same with my sister, but she is still around and raging/whining at others. I have always wondered how people CAN'T see through narcissist's cinema and tactics (i.e demeaning/belittling behaviours, rage at anybody who is more successful than them, desperation to be acknowledged, aggressive/dismissive attitude towards people most close to them, self-victimising discourses etc): these seem so glaringly evident to me. If you haven't got a strong sense of self and radically honest/blunt approach to life/relationships, narcissists will eat you alive until you wither to oblivion. And yes, they will keep testing your boundaries: trying to bring you to their muddy side, do ANYTHING they can to "help" you while demanding that you will become their slave for life. They will also put you in a fix in last-minute reversals of plans to put you on the edge and get you to "blow up" at them. The more self-controlled/disinterested you are, the more they crave your attention, just like dogs running after a bouncing ball. It is just...pathetic, if not lame.
Fire Horse
Fire Horse 3 yıl önce
You're fortunate in that your father passed just days after the confrontation, not giving him any opportunity to write you out of his will. At the moment I am working with a therapist through all the harm my NPD dad has done to me (severe beatings when I was a little girl, financial abuse, telling me + my sister "You're never going to amount to anything", NO EMPATHY, EVER...) even though I managed to move to Paris to work as a journalist and been gone nearly 20 years now. He's in COVID-ridden Florida, age 80 and playing the "poor me" and guilting me for being so far away. Well, if he ever did anything nice when I was in the States, I might still be there. A lot of old troubles (long swept under the rug) are coming to the surface due to this virus. I'm sure he would retaliate if I ever confronted him. So used to the RAGE attacks he's been enabled his entire life and my sister is a covert Narc always taking his side despite the abuse.
Katie Ohara
Katie Ohara 3 yıl önce
@Fire Horse I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm glad you're happy and safe now.🌞
Laura Graves
Laura Graves 2 yıl önce
If they give you a completely blank, emotionless stare, run!!! Watch your back without ceasing. They could be about to attack you in any way they can, or at least planning to. Whether it's physically, financially, or hurting someone you love, ect. Not that they aren't always plotting, but still. 🧡💚💛
Victorious Joy
Victorious Joy 3 yıl önce
I wish that more people in law enforcement understood what you teach here on narcissim!
Really Happenings
Really Happenings 3 yıl önce
Why is that?
Jack M.
Jack M. 3 yıl önce
@Really Happenings because narcissistic abusers frequently walk free by exploiting the justice system and there is little to no recompense for their victims
only one
only one 3 yıl önce
Law enforcement definitely needs psychology training and extensive study in human behavior and disorders. They also need to be screened themselves. We need reform in law enforcement desperately.
Paula Duncan Adams
Paula Duncan Adams 3 yıl önce
Law enforcement...funny. The people you go to for protection have a license to kill and get away with it.
narkfestmojo 3 yıl önce
This was really well presented. It's a lot easier to understand a story then a list of facts and I think this illustrated narcissism really well.
WHY NOT? 3 yıl önce
When you see a snappy ever really snap its truly a scary event. Ive seen eyes bugle out and foam at the mouth. Sounds silly but its truly a total disconnect from all reality and they become like animals with their defence!! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!! And after a hour its like IT NEVER HAPPENED!!!
Chris O'Neill
Chris O'Neill 3 yıl önce
Todd Fallon
Todd Fallon 3 yıl önce
An hour?!?! Jeez, youre lucky!!! My narc ex would rant & rail for days!! My favorite part; the property destruction & vandalism of HER OWN CRAP!! 🤣🤣 Then of course the next 3 fights were "why did you make me kick my grandma's china cabinet?" 🤣🤣 Professional or otherwise avoidance of these types is the only way...
Ruth Jones
Ruth Jones 3 yıl önce
So true. My grandiose narc neighbour snapped at me when I had some workers in my home replacing my kitchen. Legally, in my county in the UK workers can start work from 7am and work until 8pm. My workers worked from 8am until 4pm, which I thought was very considerate and reasonable. I live in a detached house and therefore my neighbours on either side should not have been too inconvenienced but I let them know in advance that the work would be taking place and what time provisions were agreed. I also asked them to let me know if there were any problems that impacted upon them. So imagine my shock at hearing a thumping/banging on my front door at 8am on day 3 of a 10 day project, only to open it to find my grandiose narc neighbour shouting in my face. Yelling at me. Name calling. Shouting what an inconsiderate bitch I was, how selfish to be making such noise. His eyes were bulging. His face was red. He was incandescent with rage. I could see the muscles in his neck bulging. His face was the picture of animalistic hostility. His whole body language was threatening. He waved his fist in the direction of my face causing me to step back. I was terrified. I’m a 5’2” petite lady. I’m also a widow who lives alone. He is a 6’ muscular keep fit man. And yet in that moment he became a monster. Amazingly, I kept my cool. I’m a retired mental health nurse so I knew it was important to de-escalate the situation, so shouting back was out of the question. In a split second I responded with a calm, soft voice, saying that I needed him to calm down. He couldn’t hear me because of the rage, so I had to keep repeating in the same tone that I needed him to leave my property. I went stuck record in the same softly spoke, non threatening tone, open body language, ‘please leave, I need you to leave my property, I don’t like it when you yell at me, please go.” After a few minutes it was like a switch flipped in his brain. He shook himself out of his rage. It was as if he had suddenly woken up and realised where he was and what he was doing. He turned and left, not in an angry way but in a more self controlled way. I’ve seen this many times in my experience as a mental health nurse. When someone is in the grip of rage they cannot hear you, but once they’ve come out of the rage they gain control of their senses. After he had gone I turned to find two very concerned workers watching and listening. Both were concerned enough to sit me down and make me a cup of tea. We all reflected on what happened and I’ll never forget the words of one of them. He said that he’d downed tools and come running to see what was going on, and when he saw my neighbour in that rage, he positioned himself ready to pounce on him and grab him because he really thought my neighbour was going to hit me. When he asked me why I didn’t shout at him or slam the door in his face, I told them both about my mental health experiences and that my neighbour would have reacted to either of those approaches with an escalation of further aggression. Inwardly I reflected that if such an incident had happened in my practice as a nurse, I would have pressed the silent security alarm button and awaited help from my team. And if such a person as my neighbour had been a patient of mine, I would have amended the risk assessment to indicate no lone working with him. To this day he has not spoken with me and nor has he apologised. I know from neighbour gossip that he blames me, saying that I caused him to lose his temper that day, that it was all my fault. Such is his incapacity to look at his own behaviour and how dangerous it is. I have also spoken with his wife and it appears that she was too scared to interfere that day and she said that he was not the type of man who would ever apologise and she wondered if I could find it in myself to forgive him. I said no, because by the time that I had this conversation I’d gleaned further information from neighbours about this man’s character, and it seems that he has a history of snapping and becoming violent towards others. He’s beaten up his own brother in the road, apparently outside of the front of my house. Don’t know where I was that day but I didn’t witness this. As a result, everyone walks on eggshells around him. When narcissists snap they are truly dangerous people. Very, very dangerous people.
WHY NOT? 3 yıl önce
@Ruth Jones I think thats a prime example of this personality. But you must experience it first hand. It's truly Baptism by Fire !!!! The entitlement is repulsive!!!!
Mikel OBrien
Mikel OBrien 3 yıl önce
@Ruth Jones - I'm glad you have the training to effectively deal with your raging neighbor. I'm also glad you had people in your home that day to potentially come to protect you if the situation got out of hand. I had a similar experience with one of my neighbors last year, which was very frightening, especially since it was the first time I'd ever seen that side of the person. In my case, I think he was not sharing only his opinion but his wife's as well (I'm guessing she may be a covert narc from my encounters with her). I refuse to speak to the family anymore because I have the feeling that anything I say or do will be negativity twisted by them if the spirit moves them. In other words, I've become their scapegoat. I guess what I'm saying is please be cautious of the entire family as you never know what's really going on.
J. Mig
J. Mig 3 yıl önce
Couldn't agree more, I'm a hiring manager who has experienced narcissistic rage at work coming from an entitled female and I must say that employers aren't aware at all of the dangers of narcissism or even mental health issues therefore don't know how to act. The only advice that can be given in terms of protecting oneself is document everything and keep HR departments aware to cover yourself as sooner or later the lid comes off the whistling teapot. Thank you for your insight Dr Grande.
Luv_N_Nitra_II 3 yıl önce
J. Mig simple training or bringing in trainers on the subject, would be a wise investment.
As a hiring manager, I hope you use the things you learn from this channel to avoid hiring narcs. Too many of 'em in corporate settings.
Turn the Page
Turn the Page 3 yıl önce
Stop giving them promotions. Only give promotions to people who are not that aggressive about getting promoted.
J & R Cameron
J & R Cameron 3 yıl önce
Sadly, I found myself working for a narcissistic HR manager, so HR was of absolutely no help to me- senior management in the organization simply protected her. When I tried to report on her behaviour, she retaliated by smearing my reputation with my peers and her seniors, so that I was viewed as untrustworthy. It was devastating for me and my family. Senior management was totally blind to/in denial of the fact that she was a narcissist and was abusing, exploiting and lying to all of her staff (not just me). I chose early retirement to get away. Two years later, senior management finally pushed her out the door but not before she destroyed the entire work unit. There needs to be effective screening to avoid hiring and promoting those with strong narcissistic traits. These people promote a dysfunctional culture that is highly toxic. Left unchecked, they most certainly will destroy an entire organization.
Toots810 USA
Toots810 USA 3 yıl önce
Oh yes! I ended up with a very toxic narc co-worker, but since she was the boss' "yes" person, and he was making $$$, even HR told me if I didn't like it I could leave. I did, and have been making half the money ever since, but no amount of money is worth my mental health. I did leave her a secret letter in her desk. I learned from the narcs previously.....so I got my satisfaction. Even though I know it won't change her, it satisfied ME to tell her that a demon or more than one inhabits her soul.
Lula Mae
Lula Mae 3 yıl önce
I once met someone who I do believe was a narcissist or at least exhibited many of the characteristics. I saw her snap one day, and during her rage she shouted “this kind of thing doesn’t happen to me! I do this to other people!” I found that so shocking at the time, but looking back, it makes sense now.
Polferiferus 3 yıl önce
@Lula Mae - Wow, that quote is just exploding with entitlement! Its still shocking, to me, even with understanding. Just my opinion, but that quote is almost as insane as, say, someone pointing at a cloud and yelling “it’s a giant bunny rabbit in the sky, RUN!!!” and meant it. They are both breaks with reality if she was serious, though in rather different ways. Even if she was just “being dramatic”, she’s basically loudly declaring “I’m a really loathsome person!”, which isn’t normal.
Kenny Pham
Kenny Pham 3 yıl önce
We enable narcissists because our society is narcissistic itself.
Vicki Rudd
Vicki Rudd 3 yıl önce
Western culture caters to the demented ghouls.
Lovely sosweet
Lovely sosweet 3 yıl önce
You are sooooo right!
Bonnie Lee
Bonnie Lee 3 yıl önce
Is that true? I hope not. Sam Vaknin, a narcissist and educator on the disorder, says that society is becoming more narcissistic. But what does that mean? I could see people not caring anymore and shutting down their empathy, but wouldn't their natural conscience kick in and logic too? Narcissists seem to loose all logic. They can't reason because they are more concerned with their superiority complex (delusion) and not being wrong. So all logic goes out the window. Will people really loose their minds like that by practicing evil? Hahaha! I hope not. Like I said, I hope their natural and correct working brain makes their conscience kick in.
Bonnie Lee
Bonnie Lee 3 yıl önce
And besides didn't Dr. Grande just say that a normal person could be reasoned with unlike the narcissist? Yeah. They still don't know what makes a narcissist. I think that they are born with it. It's a delusion isn't it? They're in their own little world of superiority belief. That's not what normal people do. I think it's a brain malfunction.
Kenny Pham
Kenny Pham 3 yıl önce
Kilnmaster I did, it was my opinion. Thanks for your input, though!
Table Scissors
Table Scissors 3 yıl önce
This was beautifully explained, especially for someone whose been victimized more than once by this type of behavior.
Dr Shell
Dr Shell 3 yıl önce
I’m in the middle of a situation with a narcissistic subordinate right now and am concerned about narcissistic rage eventually. It’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion but there’s nothing you can do to prevent it.
Chris O'Neill
Chris O'Neill 3 yıl önce
Great, pertinent talk. Deal at work with a narcissist, you are right the narcissistic behavior is not understood by management.
U & A
U & A 3 yıl önce
I witnessed three collapses with my second narc. The rage was scary. Two were directed at others where I was expected to be the calming factor, the supply needed to heal the collapse. The third was directed at me. Didn't know about narcissism at the time. It's scary to witness and especially scary when it's directed at you. Knowledge really helps.
Noname 2 yıl önce
Super scsry
U & A
U & A 2 yıl önce
@Noname Yeah, I have to admit, it was.
Snowbird 3 yıl önce
I was being bullied at work and had to go to HR because my supervisors would not help me. One supervisor wanted to know why I wouldn’t just quit instead of her investigating the situation. I was also assaulted by a narcissistic spouse. He cut his own face, called the police and told them he was defending himself from my attacks on him. Until then I thought things like that only happened in the movies.
Diane Farley
Diane Farley 3 yıl önce
The supervisor was behind the bullying, I just about guarantee it! She came out and pretty much admitted it. Probably angry in her narcissistic way that you had not "obliged" her by quitting already.
Robin Lavois
Robin Lavois 3 yıl önce
I can relate, several family members burned me to the police like that :(.
Tristan Lankford
Tristan Lankford 3 yıl önce
Yep. This stuff exists
ActivelifeG 2 yıl önce
I hope you heal
J. Holan
J. Holan 3 yıl önce
The manager who spread the blame between Jim and his 2 victims is exhibiting a narcissistic trait. I’m sure Jim wasn’t the only Narcissist in the chain of command for this company.
Ninjanova 3 yıl önce
It is not uncommon for narcissists to end up in power positions. specially in a system that rewards heartless competition and disregard for the ones around you to get your way as a positive ambitious quality .
Is it over yet?
Is it over yet? 3 yıl önce
Showing narcissistic traits, & having NPD are two very different things. Everyone will show narcassist tendencies at one point or another.
J. Holan
J. Holan 3 yıl önce
American Made Of course. But no one could possibly determine whether that manager is likely to have NPD based on so little info. But it’s obvious that the management team at that company had a culture of narcissism. For instance, they only stepped in to promote the abused female employee when they knew she had fantastic grounds for a sexual harassment suit.
Jack M.
Jack M. 3 yıl önce
being dismissive, as managers often are, doesn't make you a narc.
J. Holan
J. Holan 3 yıl önce
Jack M. Of course not. I never said it did. But dismissing serious accusations is still very selfish on the part of a manager. A single narcissistic behavior episode doesn’t mean that person has NPD. But, a management atmosphere like this one where narcissistic behavior is tolerated as the norm is overwhelmingly likely to have at least a few NPD people in strategic places.
Ana Teal
Ana Teal 3 yıl önce
There are seemingly non violent ways a narcissist can snap. They become more cruel and in the ultimate coup de grace they ensure a malicious act that is written into their will against the person they are supposed to love the most, the only person that really ever stood by them.
Polly Collins
Polly Collins 3 yıl önce
This is beginning to be tiresome. 'Narcissist ' is the newest in a long line of labels medicalising bad behaviour. Years ago they wer 'Socioplaths' , prior to that 'Psycopath'. Eveyone is an amateur osychiatrist and even the professional certified psychiatrists argue about labels which are decided by committee. Some people tell lies and steal . Some people tell lies for personal gain e.g. Promotion.
Esther C.
Esther C. 2 yıl önce
Having no empathy should concern everyone. This is not only about lying to get things, ignoring the narc could cost you your life. Just call me, "been there, done that".
Sam 2 yıl önce
You should protect the victim before they harm themselves as a result in the end. That is beyond cruel to do that to someone you apparently love.
Kay Stephens
Kay Stephens Yıl önce
I believe it's called a micro-psychotic episode. Lasting a few hours to a few days followed by a period of self pity.
Matt G
Matt G 3 yıl önce
Jim is a victimized narcissist. I've seen this type personally. They play victim but it masks their grandiose scheme to destroy you. My ex wife exhibits this behavior in all aspects of her life to manipulate and control people. A learned behavior from her own mother.
PABLO BLANCO 2 yıl önce
My theory is that victim narcissist actually believe they are the victim. They’re still manipulative but I believe they justify their manipulative tactics because they believe they are the Victim of the situation.
Bilal Hamurabi
Bilal Hamurabi Yıl önce
I rather think its inherited.
Elizabeth Black
Elizabeth Black Yıl önce
My family too
Trever Hutchison
Trever Hutchison Yıl önce
Yes sir I know one exactly like that. Always the victim typical manipulation tactic. That's the covert narc i endured. The narc got me the same way. I ended it the only way I thought wood work. After I exposed the narc bigtime
nodozhit 3 yıl önce
I've been there. I noticed a lot of young black men being targeted and fired. They noticed that they were being targeted by this assistant manager; and they lost positive momentum and ended up doing something stupid which led to them being fired. In my empathetic attempt to spread awareness amongst the remaining young men, I was targeted and fired on a humbug right before Xmas.
Lisa Rochwarg
Lisa Rochwarg 3 yıl önce
When a narcissist is on the verge of snapping.... he'll accuse you of being on the verge of snapping. Just wait for it.
Virginia South
Virginia South 3 yıl önce
Terra Hill
Terra Hill 3 yıl önce
I think it's happened in the comments already... Ok not a snap, but overly strong reactions just to what people are posting. PROJECTION.
Melcontent Humanoid
Melcontent Humanoid 3 yıl önce
@Terra Hill Yes -- as with my boss/narcisscyst, the snapping can be made subtle, paced, and measured, as in snarky comments to legitimate concerns.
J Guenther
J Guenther 3 yıl önce
Narcissists especially tend to view others through the lens of their own Shadow. But it's common among others, too. Projection takes many forms.
Suzanne 2 yıl önce
That didn't happen in my case: He SNAPPED because I REFUSED to do what he Wanted----- I REFUSED to leave with him... He went into a full-blown RAGE HURT ME
Super Empath
Super Empath 3 yıl önce
My father snap in my front because he lose the "Control" over me. The snap, rage, and anger is the real self of them.
Deven L.
Deven L. 3 yıl önce
Good. That he lost control over u.
50shadesofblack 2 yıl önce
He did not " lose control". He never had it in the first place. They are just like children, they dont have impuls controll. And they belive that they are in controll of reality and other peoples minds and emotions. Even when what they do and say is fucking crazy ( it most often is). Real control is to have emotions and to control how we react to them. The narcissist dont have this control. When they act like a spoild child they blame you for their actions. And when they get triggerd they blame the reaction on the world. In reality they have zero control. In they`re mind it`s your mind and emotions that is the " real reality". Thats why they are so desperat to controll and manipulate you. When you realize this part and sett firm boundarys you see how desperat and patetic they are
philomela 3 yıl önce
It's seems like there is more overlap between anti-social/pyschopathic traits and narcissism than most would like to admit. How do we really parse out these conditions? It alsmost seems like narcissists are sociopaths who are just better at not getting caught.
Cheryl M
Cheryl M 3 yıl önce
There is a major difference: narcissists crave and must have the esteem of other people, but sociopaths have no desire for social approval.
Terra Hill
Terra Hill 3 yıl önce
From what I understand they can often overlap, but as previously mentioned.. sociopaths have to fake their emotional reactions, narcissists "snap"... I believe I had one in my life that had traits of both.
Paula Neary
Paula Neary 3 yıl önce
There is overlapping definitely. In my opinion, simply because many of the actions/behaviors are based in selfishness.
Jeanne Braun
Jeanne Braun 2 yıl önce
All people with antisocial pd are narcissists but not all narcissists are antisocial.
Jeanette Waverly
Jeanette Waverly 3 yıl önce
In my experience, management in general tends to repeatedly cut the “Jim’s” of the workforce slack until something like this (or worse) happens.
jollyandwaylo 3 yıl önce
I think it is because the narcissist will keep arguing and fighting until they win because they love that. So it is much easier to deal with other people who are more rational so they move the people who are 'easier' to deal with which doesn't solve the problem but just gets it off the top of the list for a moment.
Watcher WLC
Watcher WLC 3 yıl önce
it starts in school. schools give bullies wayyy too much leeway to "be themselves" or worse yet the most useless response of all "we can't change human nature"
KATIE 3 yıl önce
Jeanette Waverly I have found HR policy to be: “This is the first I’ve heard!!” with arms raised in alarm. They ignore until it blows up!!! Most HR are incompetent. They do what the highest pay grade in the building wants or the most feared politically. It took decades to finally remove a manager that harassed, groped or assaulted women in the company. And even then he got his full pension.
@jollyandwaylo It's also the psychopathy and how they go about setting up people to fall who don't kiss their butts in addition to what they do to the people whose jobs they want.
La Barrett
La Barrett 3 yıl önce
Yup! Because those "Jim's" usually bring in the most profits. It's (unfortunately) all about the Buck 🤫🤑
Marcia mellow
Marcia mellow 3 yıl önce
When dealing with a narcissistic person, you never know if you are coming or going... alot of confusion...
Debra Cottrill
Debra Cottrill 3 yıl önce
That's because they build you up with "love bombing" just to tear you down with triangulation (cheating or comparison), or playing on your humanity by making you feel guilty they are the way they are by saying nasty things about your good points, "sorry, I'm not educated like you are, you're always right and I'm wrong, they start treating you like they want you when it's just sex and as much as they can get and they turn away from you if you assert yourself in bed because YOU are in the mood to make love as a bonding experience.
Melcontent Humanoid
Melcontent Humanoid 3 yıl önce
OMG, yes. They thrive in an environment where others are kept confused. It's what makes *them* feel calm and stable themselves.
Marcia mellow
Marcia mellow 2 yıl önce
@Melcontent Humanoid It is all about control...
allison tison
allison tison 2 yıl önce
The charm, then the lies, you’re destroyed.
@Year2023 2 yıl önce
It's like living in a pinball machine, being slammed around with no escape.
Kevin Hornbuckle
Kevin Hornbuckle 3 yıl önce
Don't allow the narcissist to use you as their regulatory object.
TalkToKel 3 yıl önce
I’ve watched dozens of videos. What is “regulatory object.” It sounds like the person they use to regulate their emotions. I could certainly relate to that!
Kevin Hornbuckle
Kevin Hornbuckle 3 yıl önce
Kelly Boy Yes. They hate themselves so much they project it onto other people, particularly those that provide them supply by becoming upset.
WHY NOT? 3 yıl önce
Well thats why you need to try and fix being a "FIXER". THEY LOVE FIXERS. They can always be FULL in every way narcissist with the fixer.
Kevin Hornbuckle
Kevin Hornbuckle 3 yıl önce
WHY NOT? Good point.
TalkToKel 3 yıl önce
WHY NOT? 100% I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow. He’s going to ask me what my goals are in therapy and that’s exactly what I’m going to tell him. I am an animal rescuer and a True Empath. Finally, I am concerned about MYSELF.
She McGee
She McGee 3 yıl önce
OMG my mother said something like "don't snap" to me a few years ago when I was in the midst of massive slander & gaslighting campaign by her and my brother and by extension all my friends & family they'd triangulated and I was like - what? (Im very self-controlled, most of the time, it's hard to get me really mad/turn the other cheek type all my life because of my family). I was not yet aware at the time that I'd been slandered as a narc as well. Didn't know any of the terminology....but I was also being accused of "lashing out" by people who were being vague and abusive who I called out on their behaviour and asked for answers (not lashing out) THEN I began reading up on narcissism...and now the "SNAP" too? Funny thing is my MOM has snapped repeatedly, while I was holding her accountable for her behaviour and things she'd said, when she snapped. One snap she literally stuck her fists in my face and told me not to tempt her to take an assault charge. Because I calmly told her (after I'd realized I'd been widely slandered as a narcissist/bipolar/schizo/delusional/psychotic) that I was sick and tired of having her mental illness projected or blamed on me.
riblets1968 3 yıl önce
That's difficult to say the least. My partner had a similar relationship with her mother and finally had to go no contact. I wish you well. Take care.
Mrs. Reluctant
Mrs. Reluctant 3 yıl önce
Every human being has a potential to snap. This isn't a specifier for narcissism.
She McGee
She McGee 3 yıl önce
@Mrs. Reluctant No but they do and that's not the only narc term people have been using/accusing me of, as I said. I can't even count how many people have accused me of "lashing out" in response to their abuse - none of which was "lashing out", it was straightforward asking for explanations and speaking the truth about THEIR behaviour. Naturally I was angry, AM angry, but not "raging". I was responding to others' inappropriate hostility and accusations. Some I haven't even seen for 30 years but my dear mom is facebook friends with them.
Anonymum 3 yıl önce
Sounds familiar... in my experience exposing the truth just opens you up as a target, they aren’t ever going to accept that they are the problem. As long as you are saying things they don’t like, YOU are the problem. I don’t see how you can win 😔
Rejane Oliveira
Rejane Oliveira 3 yıl önce
Great case study and analysis Dr. Grande! Unfortunately narcissism is a dangerous problem in most companies. As you said most people don’t realize what they are dealing with until it’s too late. Thank you for all you do Dr. Grande!
Rob 3 yıl önce
My cat is narcissistic. Know matter what I do for him it's not enough. I buy him toys especially the ones filled with catnap but still refuses to show any sort of thanks other than one short meeoow . He plays the victim when I don't allow his friends to stay over for the night and snaps catapulting himself out of his catflap at 20 mph like zoom! . Very good informative video.
Adara 3 yıl önce
Thank you for addressing such an important matter. My late father was an overt narcissist and he'd deliberately antagonise me, during my teenage years in particular, with psychological and verbal attacks in order to 'justify' his becoming physically aggressive which, in hindsight, I recognised as a displacement of frustrated and inappropriate sexual feelings (cf. "The Courage To Heal"). Narcissists are very dangerous when they snap, and they want others to react to them, too, to 'justify' their rage. There were times when I couldn't keep silent and non-reactive so, as a martial artist myself, the situation would get quite dangerous and my mother, a covert narcissist, would stand by ineffectually and later tell me we were both equally to blame as we both had "bad tempers" and to this day she refuses to admit her husband was abusive. I left the 'home' environment as soon as I began University, and rarely returned. So many people, whether it's in the workplace or the home environment, enable the narcissist, in part from fear, so thank you again for discussing this issue. It needs to be made known and understood as well as dealt with to stop it, whenever possible.
Sarah X
Sarah X 3 yıl önce
My ex-narc snapped/snaps all the time, even at work. Their sudden and impulsive rage is frightening and dangerous.
Janette Coleman
Janette Coleman 3 yıl önce
They don't seem to give a shit who sees or hears, then still expect to be treated " normally"
Sarah X
Sarah X 3 yıl önce
Kathy Wedzik yes, I am aware and have studied these individuals to the core. Now, I am teaching others. He usually fled my apartment... maybe deep down he knew, if he didn't run away out of my apartment when he was raging, he'd hurt me or even kill me. He had a notion of self-control there. But it was scary regardless.
Blood Boiling
Blood Boiling 3 yıl önce
@PAULA O Why have u not involved law Enforcement?
Sarah X
Sarah X 3 yıl önce
J. Damn you are funny. You do not know the whole picture. I just gave you a glimpse. He was not just a covert narcissist; he had full-blown ASPD. It's alternating, depending who is around. Actually, I wrote a whole book about my experience and am helping others who find validation in it. I am not just throwing terms around and don't know what they mean. Unfortunately, it has become a habit for many, so narcissistic abuse is not taken very seriously by others. The reason I point out his potential self-control was because we both work in the same industry, so he had to hide his abusive side to some other co-workers. So that was part of his covertly abusive side and flight response (I have a freeze response). I could not have shown up with bruises at work so to speak.
Dolores Simpson
Dolores Simpson 3 yıl önce
Dr. Grande, your analysis of this scenario was SPOT ON. I very much appreciate your professional INSIGHTS which are making me wiser & especially do I appreciate your UNCONDESCENDING manner of delivering your message. That in itself makes watching your videos so worthwhile !!! YOU are, in my opinion, a grade above the rest.
A•Nanci 3 yıl önce
Wow! You are talking about my oldest sister, and more than one supervisors. They lock you down in a state of terror. My last narcissistic boss had me so terrified that I actually developed a severe back muscle/spine thing. It has taken me a lifetime to see the truth, and it is so much worse than anything I could have ever conceived. No horror/thriller movie has sickened me more. You are much to gentle about this scourge of non-human entities!
digita LEE
digita LEE 3 yıl önce
This is a really amazing analysis, of a very common and extremely complicated workplace situation. When I was in college, I was an intern for a short while at CBS News national HQ. I thought it was amazing and quite unusual that they had on full-time staff a psychologist--I think there it was more due to the potential for psychological stress in the high stress newsroom, but after viewing this, it makes absolutely NO sense that every workplace in the country doesn't have on staff a medical professional. This would help to adequately diagnose and deal with these types of scenarios. Thanks for such wonderful and insightful videos my dear sir!!
Anita Bingham
Anita Bingham Yıl önce
I have had 3 longterm relationships with 3 different narcissists . I am a survivor ❤ I see clearly with What has been in front of me how long now . You are one of many doctors that has helped me Finally see . I have never been in therapy . With What I have learned would of cost me big money. Sending out A BIG THANK YOU for talking about Narcissists and giving me my tools For learning all of The different types of narcissists. Thank you for being here Wakeing me up
Carolyn McFann
Carolyn McFann Yıl önce
My parents are both diagnosed narcissists, I'm their only (adult) "child". I live in total fear of either or both snapping. I saw it happen once as a child of 16 and I had to be the adult and talk dad out of killing himself. I'm in my 50s now and stay away from them but they show up at my house and attempt to assert dominance once in awhile. It's scary to see their total disrespect for boundaries. Mom mostly but dad also. They're so entitled they think they own me and are outraged/vindictive that I have extremely strong boundaries. Mom is very aggressive and scary. I may need to get a restraining order because I'll never be their slave/minion and she is determined to force compliance. An old and desperate narcissist is sad and in this case, terrifying. I'm installing better security system on my house. No means no. And there will be consequences if she tries breaking into my home again. To me, it's just endless harassment. Even if I stay away completely. She even harassed my therapist once. Ugh.
dogeatdog 6 aylar önce
I left once for work and never looked back, didnt know both parents can be nuts like mine, irrationally controling behavior and interogations , scary, wtf mom want to brake in your home, they think you are helpless baby and world is full of predators
Wise Gentle
Wise Gentle Yıl önce
your explanation is accurate...I witnessed my mother getting "caught' she would not and could not own up to what she did, but threw one of the biggest "crazy" fits...later i saw other narcissists display the same behavior..... they just don't learn.
Gia Parmer
Gia Parmer 2 yıl önce
Watching your videos on narcissism is chilling sometimes, there was a vicious cycle when I was a kid where my dad would physically and verbally abuse us daily because he was mad about nothing and we would call DHS or the police and when they got there my dad would say "oh my gosh I'm so glad you're here to deal with these horrible unruly children" and then WE would get in trouble. Not one time did anybody ever believe us, I eventually ran away at 17 and never looked back.
Christy H
Christy H 3 yıl önce
False accusations, sticking with the story. Unable to accept responsibility for their own actions-ever. Bullying, manipulating..snapping...nightmarish. 30 years married to one, 12 yrs divorced. In the last year, i realize..learn..the disorder and its many woes. Excellent work.♡
Odorless Lebs
Odorless Lebs 3 yıl önce
Do another one on narcissism! Love the case studies.
pocoeagle2 3 yıl önce
He has already done! Go to his Playlists and look for 'Mental Disorder Case Studies'. Good luck 😃
annachronistic 3 yıl önce
I’ve been on the receiving end of a narcissist snapping more than once. I was blamed for what they did to me every time. It’s pretty much to be expected.
Elizabeth Cameron
Elizabeth Cameron 3 yıl önce
Thank you, Dr. Grande. Your video helps those of us who have had maddening and incredible dealings with supervisors, managers, directors and small business bosses who have left us stumbling out the door dazed and confused and feeling defeated. It is helpful to see that we were unknowingly dealing with narcissists and that we, the determined beleaguered, are basically alright. Jobless, but we know more. More the wiser and know what to look out for. Good and timely information, sir. Medicine for my soul this morning! Be well.
Daniel C
Daniel C 3 yıl önce
I believe that most adults knows what narcissistic behavior looks like but, most adults aren't confrontational about it. And, people who hire narcissist, knows exactly who they are hiring because birds of a feather, flock together.
Linda 3 yıl önce
Unfortunately this happens to often, and it becomes an extremely toxic work environment, then results in losing competant, decaded, loyal employees
Butterfly Girl
Butterfly Girl 3 yıl önce
Yes, and I often think management like it that way. They can lose senior employees, so the company pays less for medical insurance, and compensation. Also, some managers erroneously believe they will get more out of workers by pitting them against each other. It's really a stupid, short sighted assumption, but very common to see in businesses.
J Guenther
J Guenther 3 yıl önce
Managers are almost never rated for subordinate turnover, consequently they can force good employees out for years, with HR none the wiser. Eventually, disaster strikes when they fire, in a rit of fealous jage, the one person who has real understanding of how the department functions.
Butterfly Girl
Butterfly Girl 3 yıl önce
@J Guenther That is a spot on observation.
Deyvson Moutinho Caliman
At the workplace people like that can bring maximum suffering, because we can't flee them, we are forced to endure their attitude of slander and aggression.
Christy S in IA
Christy S in IA 3 yıl önce
my husband had a narc manager once.. he died suddenly for no reason it was odd.. God's punishment? He fired everyone.. eventually even my hubby (hubby just took a position in a different dept. but it was scary not knowing how long he would be out of work but God provided a way).. anyways his boss was always so angry!! made hubby work 12 hours a day!! He was so tired and sad.. we had three little boys at the time. We prayed for him and even sent him cards to hospital.. it is truly sad no one knows why he was so angry.
Ju Ma Ma
Ju Ma Ma 2 yıl önce
Just left a job because of this exact issue
Science Druid
Science Druid 3 yıl önce
Great video, as always! It brings a question to mind: As a boss, how do I look for narcissism in my subordinates, and what are some good approaches to handling them? I know how insidious they can be, and it can really create a toxic environment under the radar of the boss.
Francesca A
Francesca A 3 yıl önce
Great case review. To the narcissist, hurting others is nothing, and easily justified. But even a slight offense to the narcissist requires immediate and excessive revenge.
Karen Abrams
Karen Abrams 3 yıl önce
This is GOLD! Fascinating to hear a workplace case study. Please do more if they become available. Companies have got to start dumping their narcissists or put them on performance improvement plans with short leashes.
michelle badham
michelle badham Yıl önce
I was married to a narcissist. What a nightmare. My poor daughter had to suffer with her father as well. I didn't date for 16 yrs and the first time dating, I meet another narcissist. But, I had learned much the first time around so I wasn't easily led down the garden path. These people are demons, pure wickedness
Trump Was My Friend Until He Stole My Dorito
Hey Todd! Love your videos. I was diagnosed with ASPD about 4 years ago, and I like your videos because they are unbiased and well informed, so I like showing them to people. Could you do more videos on ASPD? I noticed that the latest ones have been about narcissism only. Either way, good video
Julia Tamalo
Julia Tamalo 3 yıl önce
Thank you for bringing this to light, Dr. Grande!! It is the hard facts that many of us have to endure the pain dealing with the narcissists. The society who don't understand about it are permissive towards any kinds of aggression so long as not put themselves in danger. The symptoms are just readable early on and could have been prevented. However, many choose to just to play it safe and rain away from the "potential victim" instead of helping them. Again, thank you, Doc, and God bless🙏🤞💞
riblets1968 3 yıl önce
I think the biggest thing that we can take away from this talk is that you cannot reasonably expect redress from an employer and that you should quietly look for something else at the first sign of trouble. I do agree, however, that a greater understanding of the dynamics in this case could have save the victims and the company a lot of grief. Unfortunately companies are not ordinarily given to taking these sorts of workplace issues seriously unless it translates to a liability, either economically or legally.
Amy L. Sacks
Amy L. Sacks 3 yıl önce
88Gibson LesPaul I worked in a Union setting with a dude who had major behavior problems and bedeviled the whole office with them. I can't say for sure they were Narcissist behaviors, but they were no fun to deal with. My union couldn't help me because they didn't involved themselves with disputes between workers of equal rank... or so they said. If the problem person had been in Management, they might have tried. I'm still in favor of unionized work forces, though. Having someone you can vent to safely about such problems (and having them on record in case the problem person's behavior escalates later on) is still better than nothing at all.
Amy L. Sacks
Amy L. Sacks 3 yıl önce
88Gibson LesPaul Totally agreed. :)
Anne 3 yıl önce
Handle the narcissist privately.
Margaret Valentine
Margaret Valentine 3 yıl önce
I understand how the boss didn’t want to face how bad Jim truly was. It would help a lot to know in advance what Jim and others of his ilk are capable of. That’s why it’s so good to discuss these matters! Thank you.
Laurene Esterhuizen
I've been through snapping very often and extremely aggressive. I was even scared of him shooting me. Also terribly jealous. Sneaking up on me all the time. Causing problems driving on the road by being very aggressive with other people on the road. Always causing problems all the time. He was always correct. Whatever you said was incorrect and he was always correct. Scratching through my things in my home and threatening me with my life. He was extremely rude to the waitresses. He caused me a lot of embarrassment. .
Laura Kellenbarger
I had this experience almost to the letter. When I finally wore out after trying to deal with a terrible narcissist I gave HR a list of narcissistic personality disorder traits and said THIS is the root cause of these endless workplace “problems”. They really DID NOT get it.
Brogan Ables
Brogan Ables 3 yıl önce
My uncle is an extreme narcissist, and used to react in a horrendously outrageous way when criticized. Its part of the reason why I've only seen him a few times in my life. Having seen what narcissists are like is a real inspiration to get myself the tools I need to be self-employed
Craigevansagain 3 yıl önce
That part about blame been spread from perpetrator to victim by the higher level manager reminds me so much of school. Whenever some student was bullying or just been a nuisance to another student, both the bully and victim students got blamed and put on detention.
Chris Wood
Chris Wood 3 yıl önce
I love your content. I can watch 1000 videos on victims recovering and not learn as much as one video for you. You are a very intelligent man, and a great educator. Thank you kindly.
Jaeden DeSousa
Jaeden DeSousa Yıl önce
Dr. I am very grateful for your videos on narcissism. Especially about narcissistic rage. Learnt so much and I tread very carefully now.
Double Libra
Double Libra 2 yıl önce
I watched a few of these case studies, and I like them a lot, especially using work settings to illustrate personality disorders. Marriages/relationships are good illustrations, but may not resonate with those who are single. But, everybody works! Thank you, Dr Grande!
Crazy Pink Chick
Crazy Pink Chick Yıl önce
Great video as always Doctor. I am an empath and have been targeted by Narassists most of my life, especially in my working life and no employer can deal with it effectively !!! The Narassist always gets away with it, they has excuses for their behaviour and it is usually that i misunderstood them. And they play the victim. The r so sneaky and manipulative and the gaslighting never ends. They r toxic people and get away with their terrible behaviour 9/10 times. Management at best say its a personality issue and spread the blame over the victim and tell u to b professional ! Its totally terrible management with no desire to see the cause despite the issues with the Narassist happening over and over again !
Meghan Viola
Meghan Viola 8 aylar önce
Your videos helped me significantly when I was ending my marriage to a narcissist. I’d be really interested in hearing more about how to co-parent with a narcissist, and how to manage court. We have been in court for over 3 years in what my lawyer says is the most high conflict divorce he has worked on.
Lisa Mendez
Lisa Mendez Yıl önce
This was so valuable for me. I'm in a business situation and will be dealing with attorneys-Nice to have this video to help explain narcissistic dynamics.
Frankiejean 3 yıl önce
Narcissism is sneaky. Even though everyone sees that something a person is doing making life difficult it’s can be hard to pinpoint.
Ike 3 yıl önce
Frankiejean Exactly, they use a sort bizarre ambiguity when they mess with people to where when you explain it to someone else, they want to give the narc the benefit of the doubt because what you describe is of course, crazy sounding. Glad I was raised by one of these types, I got the crash course growing up lol.
Francesca A
Francesca A 3 yıl önce
It can be. They often have sly ways of disrupting things.
Paula Neary
Paula Neary 3 yıl önce
I agree. I was married to one. He was nice on the outside, but did tons of things behind my back that were extremely inappropriate for a marital situation, if you get my drift. When I was made aware of the depth of the situation, he devalued me then dumped me. Interesting scenario. I am glad to be out of the situation but I am realizing that I need more time to heal. They are very deceitful people.
Marleen Buysse
Marleen Buysse 2 yıl önce
This is a thing I had noticed regularly at workplaces. Often the mess and disputes came 100 percent from the narcissistic behaviors and provocations, yet everyone involved was called out. Very easy for the management and another getaway with it for the narcissist. That's when I started to say that a conflict or conflicts can be completely the fault of those difficult personality styles and nothing and noone else is to be blamed . Good example video on this far to often occurring unfair situations.
Trumblocity 3 yıl önce
By far, one of your best. As a former manager of people, the "snap" was something we all feared. This would be great for all managers to know. I'm here, like many of you, to figure out why the crazy people in my life act crazy. Turns out, most of them probably have a Personality Disorder. (I'm sure I have my problems too.) It helps to know that people are not crazy, just flawed like the rest of us, maybe only a little more so. 😀👍 I no longer manage people, because, well you know, that would involve people. 😬😬
j freed
j freed 2 yıl önce
I’ve seen this. My father’s wife… it’s fascinating that she’s that out of control, hurling abuse and lunatic accusations and so fully engaged in violent negativity. We need to help these people study themselves.
CharlotEYUT 3 yıl önce
In an ideal world Psychology should be applied in every conflict resolution, therefore we all need to be educated in these kind of situations. ❤️ Dr Grande!
Susie 3 yıl önce
My mom is a malignant narcissist and went so far as to tell my husband during divorce proceedings that I was bipolar(out of thin air). She said she did so because she thought he was going to get custody of our daughter(rather, in order for him to get custody). Now THAT is retribution!
wiskadjak 3 yıl önce
I have seen this type of behaviour in a work setting but also in a re-enactment society. It would be interesting to see how a narcissist infiltrates and takes over a private organization. Note: I bugged out before things got bad.
She Wheels
She Wheels 3 yıl önce
Good for you. You’re not missing anything. They love bomb everyone, devalue anyone who doesn’t validate their delusions, and if you don’t come around after that, they’ll do a major discard. They do all this utilizing their flying monkeys (the people who di buy into their delusions). But there’s one more interesting thing. If you still don’t buy into their delusions after the final discard, they come back (hoover) and start the whole process all over again. Like a gerbil on a wheel. Love bomb-devalue-discard. It’s all they know. This pattern wears the victim down.
Jeanne DiGennaro
Jeanne DiGennaro 3 yıl önce
Fascinating study . The most important factor was that upper management apparently just didn’t want to deal with this messy situation. Narcissists are often bullies who intimidate everyone. This is a sad situation but a common one.
tandy dandy
tandy dandy 2 yıl önce
I actually witnessed someone rise up in a 3 second rage. Complete with contorted red face, loud shouting, aggressiveness, smoke coming out of her ears. Then completely....completely.... regain her composure, in the blink of an eye, as she addressed others in the room as if nothing happened. Apparently narcissists can not only snap... but snap back, with ease.
Sunshine Coast Trail Cam
Narcissistic Pride can be one of the scariest forces to be levelled against a person. Or for the narcissist themselves, narcissistic pride is so damaging for a healthy integrated life. Thank you again doctor Grande I have learned so much about myself from listening to your analysis. After watching so many of your videos I feel more able to identify the early cause of stress and anxiety in my life oh, now that I know Society trains sociopath and narcissist. I've always felt that my introspection was healthy and that I wasn't antisocial and now I know it's true. I'm a leader or a team member depending on the circumstance. I don't know what's next. I just know that summer in Canada is short and I should probably make some long-term plans to get out of here for half the year as soon as covid-19 is over.
bobsteroni777 3 yıl önce
This was very valuable. The "embedded narcissist" - one with a large or influential social support structure can be very dangerous to those in their domain. They can use their own social circle as a cudgel to isolate, demean, attack and defame their victims. Their victims have little recourse when or if narcissist "snaps" unfortunately - as they always seem to do. And as in your excellent example - they usually blame their snapping on the victim, feathering their social circle with the necessary gossip, derision, half-truths or outright lies, i.e. "He hit me FIRST" to make it look the victim "provoked" them. Scary stuff for the victims and bystanders.
Lorraine Yıl önce
My ex narcissist snapped anytime he didn’t get his way. He either loved you or hated your guts. And he had the most vulgar projections when that occurred. He always made himself appear to be the victim. I had no clue about NPD until a counselor clued me in.
Ann Bell
Ann Bell 3 yıl önce
Start seeing predators. Imagine you live in a shady country. These people are all threats to our peace of mind and existence.
RWald 3 yıl önce
We do live in a shady country. USA = under scrutiny always. especially now, other countries don't want to deal with us, because of the gaslighting psychopath.
Justice4ALL! 2 yıl önce
What is unfortunate is that (in my case anyway) most people are unaware of what narcissism really is and how deep it runs until they become the victim of a narcissist.
David Anderson Kirk
David Anderson Kirk 2 yıl önce
Watching this has made me realize just how much of a Narcissist a previous employee I had hired was. She's no longer with the company- thank heavens. But the last bit you mentioned about how a Narcissist is incapable of taking criticism really resounded with me. I had owned up to my professional failings, both as a manager and as colleague where appropriate. The Narcissist couldn't accept responsibility for an infraction that needed to be addressed, instead choosing to escalate the problem at every turn. This ended badly for everyone, fortunately we have completely 86'd the person from every returning to corrupt our business. Thank you for the insight.
Joy Wimer
Joy Wimer Yıl önce
The most excellent discussion and discourse EVVVVVER 🌹 thank you. As a woman in two abusive relationships and currently trying to extract myself from same, I thank you
Alex 3 yıl önce
“Narcissism doesn’t fail in stages. It fails catastrophically.” Couldn’t agree more!
CHERYL_KY_GIRL 2 yıl önce
Extremely interesting. Narcissistic rage occurs in personal relationships also. It can occur very quickly. They will be deceptive about things you might ask, and lie when you have proof in your hand. They take no responsibility for their actions and blame you because you caused them to do whatever. They claim you pushed their buttons. Or you knew where things would go when you made a comment or whatever. They are never at fault.
Hariman 3 yıl önce
It's unsettling that this case reminds me of some of my managers in earlier segments of it. Also, I think situations like this are a result of the current non confrontational Culture we are living head, where bag behavior and other things are ignored or brushed aside in favor of not causing any conflict.
Paula Duncan Adams
Paula Duncan Adams 3 yıl önce
Out of fear of getting fired!
Eva Private
Eva Private Yıl önce
Thank you! This is what happens in workplaces, where staff who are hard-working, dedicated and good at their job, are attacked by superiors or colleagues who do not like this. My life has been destroyed by narcissistic manager who was very bad at managing, only wanted to big note himself. What is said in this clip is not exactly the same, but very similar, such as making false and petty complaints behind my back, taking credit for things I had done, delegating tasks that were uncomfortable and would make him unpopular, for me to deal with, even if I was not a manager. A lot more to this story. The manager has continued to stalk me, spread false information and slander, false accusations. Even stalking to the extent of contacting my new employers.
Kristi Boyce
Kristi Boyce 3 yıl önce
I've seen and been a victim of both overt and vulnerable rage. It only happened to me when I called them on their cheating and lies. I got a bit too close for comfort and I've never experienced someone completely snap like that. I can tell you the vulnerable narcissist type was much scarier as an experience . He grabbed me by both hands by the neck and I'm very tiny4'9", he was 6'0" 200+ So I was shocked when he immediately snapped and went straight for my neck Lifting me off the ground, then proceeded to throw me down on the ground and broke my tailbone and then choked me unconscious . I woke up and I did not know who I was or where I was. it was the scariest feeling to not know anyting. They completely become a Predator at that point. there is no humanism in them when they rage. he choked me unconscious because I suggested he was having homosexual Liaisons and hookups with just about anybody. I still wonder what that was all about and he still is cyberstalking me. Sending people to pretend to like me, And I just broke up with the guy that was one of his lovers that was sent to spy on me for some reason. The things they do are so insane that nobody believes you so it's very isolating. I don't understand these people it seems like a complete waste of time to do all that. nobody's going to believe you it is the weirdest experience and you can't even speak of it because it sounds unreal. As a side note about working with a person with narcissistic traits. My ex-husband was very mean to anyone he deemed unworthy. His big saying" who'd you have to fuck to get this job retard?". They're just mean end of story.
Prod. Pool
Prod. Pool 2 yıl önce
This reminds me when my fifth grade teacher told the class our cards were all going to red because none of us were work-orientated and were socializing instead. I got so offended that I shook my book in front of her and she looked at me and said, "you are going to double red." I spent the next week turning that red card over so it was green like the rest, and never took the time to consider my behavior.
Johnny Rommel
Johnny Rommel 2 yıl önce
Fascinating case study. Real quick. Love the videos. I have an armchair interest in this topic and very informative. Wanted to chime in on this one: I’m a paralegal by trade and used to work for an employment law firm. I feel like this happens a lot. I worked in defense and it just blew my mind how some ppl could be so successful and high functioning only to have terrible and aggressive interpersonal skills. We are talking about Execs, doctors, lawyers, or just plain go getters in upper-middle management. In law firms, I feel I have worked with many narcissistic ppl. One sabotaged clients on me to get them to drop me (and I mean all of them mysteriously). Another would defame after I didn’t fall in line and make exceptions (she was not my supervisor). My point is that I wonder who truly should be the entity responsible. While I ended up being the loser in both my examples, it is indisputable that they had more experience and were probably better at the actual job than I was. So when it came to a choice, they went with the business interest and kept the narcissist and kicked me. In the sabotage incident, my supervisor admitted that something was fishy, but said that the clients have spoken. (Which I suspect was due to some smear campaign on the part of my coworker). So with all that said, in an era of Neoliberalism, would it not be fair to say that the narcissist thrives in such an environment? It seems to me that some businesses at times praise the narcissistic abilities while the flaws are minimized by management. Is this a trend in all industries, I wonder? Anyway, sorry for the novel. Lol. Please keep making videos!
Ken MacMillan
Ken MacMillan 3 yıl önce
You described the ten personality disorders, could you describe how a healthy personality works?
Virginia South
Virginia South 3 yıl önce
You are good! POW
Terra Hill
Terra Hill 3 yıl önce
Empathy, communication and respect.
John Collins
John Collins 3 yıl önce
A good start is to read up on emotional intelligence. Healthy starts with treating others as you want to be treated and all that implies. Its not easy to see ourselves as others see us. To be able to step back and look at yourself is very difficult for many.
Ithaca Comments
Ithaca Comments 3 yıl önce
My narcissistic ex snapped when I stepped between him and my 14 yr old son when he was threatening my son with a broomstick in his hand. He grabbed me by the front of my blouse and slammed me into the refrigerator. I got away and called the police for assistance. When the police arrived he was sitting in his recliner with a grin on his face. I think he thought that nothing would come of the incident. But... Thankfully, the officer believed me and arrested him. The judge gave him 6 months probation and gave me and my children an order of protection. The judge told him if he messed up during probation...he would make sure that he got jail time. That was 30 years ago, ...I relive it all in my head most every day. The rage of a narcissist is mindboggling.
Virginia South
Virginia South 3 yıl önce
Oh my...
minerite 3 yıl önce
I am so glad that you are safe!!!
Jeanne Braun
Jeanne Braun 2 yıl önce
That was very brave of you. Hope you are living a much happier life now.
Ithaca Comments
Ithaca Comments 2 yıl önce
@Jeanne Braun Praise the Lord, I am blessed.
shiningstar 3 yıl önce
Excellent case study that has been very helpful to me personally understanding the snapping episode that occured in my workplace. It had all the features you mentioned except a physical assault. While staff were reporting incidents, management did underestimate the destructive behaviour of the narcissist until turnover became so great and the one meeting with HR put the narcissist over the edge. This person left before they could be fired but once moved on, that placement didn't last long either. The executive support workgroup was unstable and in tatters ad had 8 people leave in less than 3 years, 2 of which went on long-term sick leave. Such a waste of limited healthcare resources dealing with turnover. The loss of 2+ years of employee mental health while working there and during recovery. The damage to the professional lives and career trajectory of the people involved. Sad all the way around.
A. B.
A. B. 3 yıl önce
Thanks. This video basically explained very well what happened the last time I saw my mother.. when she choked me. She assaulted me because for once in my life, I told her what I really thought of her "parenting", her abuse, her violence and obvious favoritism of my brother. By the time I could speak with my dad, she had already been lying to him, saying that she "defended" herself because she felt assaulted since I yelled at her. We were both yelling at each other at some point, and her probably more and definitely in a way meaner and destructive way.
Diane 3 yıl önce
Thank you so much for this video. I am currently dealing with a neighbor who is exactly like Jim. Your explanation of events was exactly what I am going through.