Borderline Personality Disorder & Crying | Is Crying Useful Diagnostically? 

Dr. Todd Grande
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This video attempts to answer several questions: What is the nature of crying with borderline personality disorder? Does crying tell us anything diagnostically about borderline personality disorder? What is the nature of emotional crying?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), we see nine symptom criteria for borderline personality disorder and five have to be met for a diagnosis. The symptom criteria include frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, unstable relationships, identity disturbance, impulsivity in two areas that are potentially self-damaging, suicidal behavior, affective instability, chronic feelings of emptiness, inappropriate or intense anger or difficulty controlling anger, and paranoid ideation or dissociation.
Peter, M., Arntz, A., Klimstra, T., & Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M. (2019). Crying in borderline personality disorder patients. Psychiatry Research, 273, 100-107.
Bhatia, V., Davila, J., Eubanks-Carter, C., & Burckell, L. A. (2013). Appraisals of daily romantic relationship experiences in individuals with borderline personality disorder features. Journal of Family Psychology, 27(3), 518-524.



25 Eyl 2023




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Adventures with Dogs
I'd like to share a story with you and your viewers, if I may: I was the one who discovered my girlfriend after she had passed in her sleep. My initial reaction was shock, as you can imagine. But after calling 911, what I did next was to sweep the floor, then begin to wash the dishes. For the next week, I went into robot mode, while working with her sister on funeral arrangements, and cleaning out her apartment. I never shed a tear during that week. When all was done, I was driving back to my house, and suddenly felt nauseous. I was barely able to pull over and get out of the car before emptying my stomach. After that, the floodgates opened wide. A very kind and understanding police officer pulled up behind me, and after determining the reason I had pulled over, told me he would wait in his car to ensure my safety, and to let him know when I was alright to resume my drive. It took about 15 minutes, and he never left. I have never forgotten the kindness he showed to me. For me, this crying was cathartic.
Sara Simm
Sara Simm 4 yıl önce
Sorry for your loss. I think crying when grieving is part of the letting go. I think that not being able to cry during the grieving process can lead to incomplete grieving and other problems eg drinking to numb the pain etc and other destructive coping strategies. Personally, I have always grieved alone and would not want to do this in front of another person.
Adventures with Dogs
@Sara Simm Thank you. I also have borne my grief in solitude. I guess we all must grieve in our own way, but some will do so in a self-destructive manner.
Adventures with Dogs
Ben Hackett My condolences. There can be no worse nightmare for any parent. Both of my sons are now in their 30's and quite healthy, but I'm still thankful for each day I have with them. My big pup, seen in my avatar, is now 11 years old, and I will most likely outlive him. I've no doubt that when he takes his last car ride, the tears will flow.
Adventures with Dogs
M Z They really get into our hearts! Dogs are truly part of the family.
Coleen Hudson
Coleen Hudson 4 yıl önce
Tender Heart
Tender Heart 4 yıl önce
I grew up in the day of ‘stop crying or I will give you something to Really cry about era’ so I am glad more people are feeling their feelings and crying. Maybe we will finally move into a more empathic and healthy society 🌸
CHT2 Yıl önce
Sounds familiar. Boys are not supposed to cry so shut-up. Hence, I cry on the inside but laugh on the outside. Unstable on the inside but with stoic control on the outside.
Tony Trinidad
Tony Trinidad Yıl önce
Me too. I cried when I was 4. Then forced myself as my dad got lowered in the hole. About 30. Then my moms ugly death at 44. Maybe 5-7 days a week for 2 years for my mom surviving real death. Family everyone there. Fake and real thanksgiving. Ect. + 4 hard hits in same month. Aunt friend dog ect death. Wife gone temp. lost house. Ect. Now I’m better but constantly accuse wife and feel I have no purpose. The aggressiveness just like he said. My center knuckle is swollen big right now at least a week from accidental reinjury, work related. Original injury is from hurting my tormentors. I’ve always been told by close friends, mother and wife all my life. I even let things go just to prove it’s not me, when Ghandi, Mr. Rogers, Mother Teresa and Jesus would of KO’d that assho. Then I feel guild and less than a man.
Natasha Fordyce
Natasha Fordyce 5 aylar önce
Same. It's so damaging for a child to associate their sadness with their parents getting aggressive and yelling at them for crying. Then when you experience the same from an abusive partner later in life
BobbiGail 5 aylar önce
Sure, my mom used that phrase on us but then she would walk around the house sniffling w a red nose from crying about whatever perceived slight we did to her as kids. I would go in my room and feel HORRIBLE for "making" her cry. Yes, I turned into a ppl pleasing doormat who went to therapy for 30 years and finally diagnosed myself.
Dayna Remus
Dayna Remus 3 yıl önce
Thank you for speaking to that aspect of depression where you can't cry. It's a terrible thing to go through and, it's hard to explain, but makes me feel a little bit more seen which is rare with this stuff.
Julia 2 yıl önce
BPD with hyper reactivity - Until I found about BPD, I thought everybody has the same level of emotional distress as me and I'm just not strong enough to process it. You can't know what you never had such as more stable state of mind. BPD with crying - I usually cry alone. Whenever I cried, I was severely belittled, mocked and reprimanded by my mom so I greeted my teeth not to cry in front of others since I was 7. For almost two decades after that, it was one of my toughest struggle not showing my tears to other people. Well, I cried quite a bit in front of my ex-boyfriends though but I still cried alone a lot more. When I was a teenager, I almost cried alone every night after being badgered verbally by my mother and brother. I usually find crying alone helps me feel better. Without crying, I might not be here any more.
The Finisher
The Finisher Yıl önce
Thank you for your vulnerability. I totally understand. Me too.
leanne lovesmusic
Same story here, only not long started gritting my teeth at 40 yo, its not easy...
swampdonkey491 Yıl önce
Growing up, I cried a lot for "stupid" reasons, even though I knew they were stupid reasons, for the most part. I felt so weak and pathetic before I got the help I needed. This continued well into my 20s, and it makes me wonder if I'd been misdiagnosed with depression rather than BPD. These days, my antidepressants make me rather numb, and I find it difficult to cry, even when I actually try to.
Jeanne Weisz
Jeanne Weisz 3 aylar önce
Me too… I was 5 years old and already knew not to cry in front of someone…me, a little 5year old kid
Penelope k
Penelope k 3 aylar önce
Sweetie your strong and brave and loved.
lovelyxskinny 3 yıl önce
My boyfriend has BPD and the poor guy cries so easily, I feel so bad but I will always love him unconditionally. He's amazing and I hope he can get better. I hope you all do. Bpd is so sad to witness in someone.
Lapo Franceschini
Lapo Franceschini 2 yıl önce
You're an amazing person for this. Remember not to break his heart (easier than what it seems)
go sage yourself
go sage yourself Yıl önce
@Lapo Franceschini as someond with BPD, I find that statement a bit manipulative
Марина Ёлкина
@Lapo Franceschini as someone who had a friend with bpd, people with it as any other person can break their own hearts easily, you shouldn't force another human to be with you (theoretically) just because you have a diagnosis.
R y a n R e a g a n
Obviously he's a tad bit on the sensitive side did he lack a father figure does he cry to get attention does he know how to act accordingly when he wants something
Puma Manta
Puma Manta Yıl önce
@R y a n R e a g a n men with BPD still have emotions, the PD is about emotional instability/ hyper reactive even if helped in many cases. Also many cases high percentage of trauma and abuse. Not a gender issue and how it presents in different expressions of the range of emotions
especialista em nada
I prefer to cry alone because when I cry in public I feel vulnerable. And I also don't like to draw much attention to myself. I feel like people are silently judging me as I express strong emotions of any kind.
I am not a robot
I am not a robot 4 yıl önce
I take care of a 44 year old woman with BPD comorbid with bipolar disorder who says she doesn't ever cry. But she really cries all of the time - she chokes it back. I've seen it a thousand times and always wonder who taught her that that was strong. I think it's a weakness. Thank you Dr Grande! 🌹👍
Jen Taylor
Jen Taylor 4 yıl önce
99% of the time I cry is when I am alone. My family is abusive. Narcissists and cruel. I am just figuring out how I feel so disconnected from them I am because I have figured all this out after it had loomed over me for years. Meaning I am alone because I am not married or have children. I cry because I am alone and don't have the sense of security of family. It's scary but so are they.
Phil U
Phil U 4 yıl önce
You may be alone physically but theres a lot of us right here with you...may God bless you in your time of struggle.
Maristella 3 yıl önce
YES, I am right there. I know what you mean about the aloneness, no spouse or children. In this current society, isolation seems to have become even more widespread. Thank God I was at someone's home last night having dinner. We were discussing how people feel more isolated in this current framework of society. Yes, and if your family is known by you to be cruel, of course you will keep your tears to yourself.
Imogen Sharma
Imogen Sharma 3 yıl önce
I'm in the same boat
Col Nohman
Col Nohman 2 yıl önce
@J.H. Miretskay Why do some people like you attack bpd's I mean I dont get it.. If someone has a family that is disordered, then of course they would want and wish for more caring and understanding..its known that this first environment is the cause of most disorders. Did you have a single BPD person who hurt you..? Because you should know that they're not all the same.
Catssandra13 4 yıl önce
Dr. Grande, this video was so accurate that it actually brought tears to my eyes. Thank you once again for helping so many people.
Stella 4 yıl önce
I worked at a therapist office and certain therapists seemed to diagnose people with BPD more than others and sometimes it seemed to be more of a reflection of the therapist than it was of the clients (although I could obviously be wrong because I’m not a therapist and I wasn’t in session with them) but one lady in particular couldn’t get along with like half of her caseload and diagnosed about half of her clients with BPD and even accused me of somehow purposefully giving her the harder clients and giving the therapist across the hall the good ones . . . Good times . . . I don’t know how I would have possibly done that to her on purpose. The people would only talk to me on the phone for two seconds and I would fit them in the schedule where there was room . . .
TD McCoy
TD McCoy 2 yıl önce
@Machina bad therapist are SO damaging.
Frederic Kahler
Frederic Kahler 2 yıl önce
@TD McCoy And yet when you bring this up with a good therapist the tendency is to focus on your own sh*t and not report them. Patients apparently are not to be trusted when in fact we are likely the best judges of what's a good therapist. Mayb not of anything else, LOL, but therapists, yes.
Sybil Francis
Sybil Francis 2 yıl önce
That is troubling...Sybil Francis PhD clinical.psychologist and professor retired
leanne lovesmusic
This is far too common! I I'ive in the British isles. Don't get me started, I always say " their still just human beings " Oh & yeah they sure do flock together! Keep ya mouth shut & smile or else... Seen it & dealt with it many times, too many. After near 20 years & I'm now only now starting the required help due to the push of 1 health care workers. It drained me so bad, number 1 rule guys, never call ya Dr \_key workers out... Your life is in their hands an they know it!
Ilene Truitt
Ilene Truitt Yıl önce
She triggered her clients
Diana Carrizales
Diana Carrizales 4 yıl önce
I’m a BPD victim, I cry on a daily basis some days are regular crying others are uncontrollable crying and they sometimes come out of no where. I just get this overwhelming emotion to cry.
Octavian Bunica
Octavian Bunica 2 yıl önce
Me too.. IT keeps me from working and doing the things that i have to do in everyday life. :(
Onlyluvisreal 2 yıl önce
All of my emotions are overwhelming.
brea norton
brea norton Yıl önce
Me too
Istaybased 9 aylar önce
You're not a victim, you being here today makes you a *survivor!* Keep fighting the good fight, I cry on a regular if not daily basis as well and it's not easy.
Maryclaire pugh
Maryclaire pugh 3 yıl önce
I have BPD and found this interesting. I’ve struggled my entire life with this in addition to some other issues. I am definitely a cryer. Listening to you speak about how others may react to someone crying, I thought about my own experiences. I don’t notice other people’s reactions to it. I’m crying so I just cry and go about my way. I truly couldn’t control or stop crying. It just happens. I may try to disguise it, but I don’t really care what someone thinks about it. No one has ever been unkind or judgmental.
Bill M
Bill M 4 yıl önce
My ex gf had BPD. I never saw someone go from crying to angry so fast. Almost in the blink of an eye.
mo arroz
mo arroz 4 yıl önce
Exactly or to happiness so fast from cryin/angry...but my ex gf had both bipolar and Borderline personality disorder...i only gave her positive support...i only wish i didn't become so attached to her well being that i didn't get blindsided when she cutt me off and got someone new so quick that was the male version of me
Bill M
Bill M 4 yıl önce
@mo arroz My Codependency was definitely part of her attraction to me. Fortunately I've learned more about myself after our relationship than I ever would have otherwise.
John Wilmer
John Wilmer 3 yıl önce
I second that!! The extreme mood swing is truly intense!!
Ella 3 yıl önce
@John Wilmer Try experiencing it first hand... it sucks. It's extremely exhausting. Sorry you had negative experiences with a woman with BPD.✌️
John Wilmer
John Wilmer 3 yıl önce
@Ella BPD is a severe mental health illness so I can't imagine how painful it is; Sadly my EX-girlfriend didn't want to seek treatment so it made everything else more difficult. Comorbidity is common with BPD so finding the right balance of treatment can be tricky too. My entire experience with her was beyond toxic yet I will always wish the best for her.
Laura Wargo
Laura Wargo 3 yıl önce
I have a complicated relationship with crying. I call myself "a crier" and I am very forthcoming with this in new relationships (of any kind, not just romantic). I have always been empathetic, and have cried at movies, tv, and books since I was a small child. I also cry when a friend is hurting, or when I hear of something awful on the news. When I was pregnant, anything remotely sentimental would make me cry. That being said, I absolutely hate having people see me cry. There are 3 reasons for this. 1) when I was a child, literally every time I cried in front of my father, he would threaten me. "Stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about." Every. Single. Time. 2) My mother was a teacher, but directed church choirs and was slowly getting her master's at night, so my grandparents would watch me at least one evening a week. When I was very small, I would start to miss my mom, and I would cry. My grandparents would never comfort me. Instead, the would laugh and mock me, saying, "awww waaaah, i want my mommyyyyy". Incredibly immature for two people in their 60s. 3) in my first serious relationship, my boyfriend accused me of trying to manipulate him when I started crying during a fight. Because of my family's reactions to my crying, I had never even considered using tears to manipulate a situation. I was so shocked by the accusation. So, as a sort of preemptive measure, I announce my tendency to cry early on, and treat it almost as a personality quirk. "Hi, I'm laura, and I'm a crier. Everything makes me cry, so don't be alarmed. I've cried at sandwich commercials!" That being said, I do my best to not cry in front of anyone, unless I'm in such a distressed state that I can't help it (I have major depression and generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks). Most of the time, i cry alone. And if I'm around people, I try to never "sob" and quickly wipe away tears. When i am very depressed, I do have periods where I can't cry. It is an indication to me that my depression has gotten very bad. As I'm never fully symptom free, even with medication, this indicator can be helpful, because it means i need to see a professional. The inability to cry is one of the most emotionally frustrating feelings I've ever experienced. Because I'm used to frequent crying, not being able to do so feels like a system failure. The desire to just let loose is overwhelming at times, and it can become physically painful. This has only happened a few times in my life, and the first, and longest period was followed by a total meltdown and serious suicide attempt. I can also control crying, to a certain extent. I am a classically trained singer, and I have sung at the funerals of all of my grandparents and my parents. I also gave the eulogy at both of my parents' funerals. I was able to keep from crying during those points. Well, thanks for letting me overshare! I hope some people who may read this can relate to some of my experience in crying
Cat Lily
Cat Lily Yıl önce
I used to cry A LOT. I would try to hide it. I was not trying to be manipulative either.
Rho Bot
Rho Bot 4 yıl önce
PAIN! It's the PAIN, Dr. Grande. I just hurt sooo much sometimes. And feel so low to the ground, like flat. Also, I tend to just seem to need to cry, like, if it's been a couple/three/four weeks and I have not cried, I will probably have a massive cry at somepoint soon, over a commercial or animals going extinct, but bawling even though I might not feel depressed. But on the BPD, if I am subclinical on it, then, I'm calling it, that it's the PAIN OF BEING.
Ash Leigh
Ash Leigh 2 yıl önce
When I think about my ex telling his 4 year old son to "stop crying, we don't cry", I want to fucking scream. If I couldn't cry I would break things and hurt people. Crying is an amazing release of tension. I feel flooded with calm after a good sob session. It's essential.
leanne lovesmusic
100% needed! Wonder what adult problems will come with that... Poor baba
Barb Fordham
Barb Fordham 4 yıl önce
What if i find it hard to cry? I seem to cry over very small things but really tough things I sort of go numb instead of crying.
SoughtOut 4 yıl önce
Nicki Daisy Reddwoodd
Because the large things are too overwhelming. The moment we can actually cry the body is already in an energetic flow state. When we are overwhelmed we shut down.
Shawn A
Shawn A 3 yıl önce
Crying is a release of powerful emotions so when a actual tough time happens you may not be ready to let it go while crying right away... important issues take more time to get to the point where you can let yourself release the emotions thru tears
Musawwir Ahmed
Musawwir Ahmed 2 yıl önce
that's a huge sign of BPD I think! My ex who has BPD used to cry about the smallest things! No one would cry about those! So I thought this girl would never breakup with me coz she's so soft hearted! But boy I was wrong! She ghosted me for no apparent reason! Apparently, she was leaving her abusive parents for me. But then I got ghosted out of nowhere! She changed her address and disappeared. I thought her parents did something awful to her. But luckily I know a person who saw her the very next day after she ghosted me. She seemed happy and she told them that she was going for a vacation! BPDs are insane I feel like. She left me 8 months ago! Thankfully I am regaining my sanity. I almost lost my career, goals and ambitions because of her. But gladly she left!
Jessi 2 yıl önce
Gold Dust Woman
Gold Dust Woman 4 yıl önce
My mother is diagnosed with BPD, I found some of what you said to be true. In regards to crying, my mother can not handle ANY kind of distress, Distress with cause her to break down in hysterical crying. She also has no perception of how her crying affects others, growing with her as an adolescent and adult, I got so used to and numb to her Crying outbursts, I eventually just ignored it, she would often call me cold and ask me why I never cry....I do cry, I just do it in private. As I've gotten older and learned more about BPD, I can see that her perception of the world and expectation of other people's reactions is not "Normal" at all...Great Video, Dr. Grande. Thank You
Bob Levey
Bob Levey 11 gün önce
My ex would say that to me. I also would cry alone not wanting to burden people with that pain. My crying has always been cathartic for me. Blessings
storyteller0111 4 yıl önce
Thanks for another very informative video! I have a question: I noticed a potential tension between the two conclusions concerning research about cognitive and behavioral strategies in recovering from trauma and depressive episodes. On the one hand, it seems that rumination has negative effects on mood disorders, so this motivates the idea that one shouldn't 'dwell' on the worries one has. On the other hand, the notion of 'emotional processing' of trauma seems to be taken as an important part of recovery, and (if I understood correctly) it involves spontaneous and repeated thinking about the worry (so after a break up one commonly finds himself spending time getting through details of what happen many times in one's thoughts). Now, I read somewhere that one way to differentiate between rumination and the processing with positive effects is that the former is unproductive while the latter is oriented toward deriving useful conclusions for the future. This difference, even though it is clear in principle, seems to me a bit vague when applied to concrete experiences. My suspicion is that the two are actually hard to differentiate if they are two distinct phenomena at all. The idea that rumination is bad seems to work well with the overall philosophy of CB approaches (focus on the productive, don't dwell on the negative), while the idea that emotional processing is natural and important part of recovery seems to me as something more in line with psychoanalytic and folk psychological idea that 'suppressing emotions' is bad and you should 'cry it out', 'let it all out' etc. I would be very interested to hear your thoughts on this.
purpose 4 yıl önce
Whenever I want to cry but am afraid others will think I am manipulating, I have learned to stop and shut myself down.
Google Account
Google Account 4 yıl önce
I sooo appreciate the diversity in topics discussed in your videos! You do a great job at keeping your content fresh and valuable for all kinds of viewers. I hope you’re ready for 100k subs... you deserve it!! I’ll try to contribute a topic suggestion: “how to make holding eye contact easier and natural”?
C D 4 yıl önce
I would love to see a video about lying/deception. Specifically, the different reasons for lying a lot, what makes someone a good liar and some info about what lies are i.e. the what happens in a person's body/mind when they are lying.
Cynthia Allen
Cynthia Allen 4 yıl önce
So would I.
Col Nohman
Col Nohman 3 yıl önce
All my ex did was lie..even when they promised they would try harder. Or even lie..they were 'Better' Anything to draw you back in..just to Abandon you. I see similarities to Narcissism.
Eva G
Eva G 2 yıl önce
may be due to fear of abandonment? may rather lie, thinking that will keep someone closer or more liked than if they were being truthful
C D 2 yıl önce
@Eva G That's true.
Bix Beiderbeck
Bix Beiderbeck 2 yıl önce
I’d like this too. I have heard some really crazy things that indicate lying. Things that almost sound magical or fantastical, but apparently they’re legitimate tells. That’s such an astonishing thing to me. Like you’re in the presence of a soothsayer or something.
Jess 2 yıl önce
An ex friend of mine told me and another friend of ours during one of our "ladies days" that she planned out lol that to get a point through to our husbands me need to scream and cry. I immediately felt that gut feeling that she is manipulative. Then when her personal home daycare who she was obsessed over decided to close she took the woman out and cried to her about her closing. The woman stayed open for her kids only for a couple more years! 🚩 So in conclusion she used crying to get her way. She manipulated me in other ways like planning these "ladies days" with even my sister and her friend on days I had to work. This stuff went on for 11 years before I finally went no contact and then she became friends with my next door neighbor because her husband knew him and started showing up over there for parties. Then when the neighbor started a new relationship and is gone all the time she sent a drone over to our house a couple times. It wasnt her personally managing the drone is was a mutual friend but it was also after my husband told them I hadnt been feeling well and we needed our space. Im pretty sure these are narcissitic borderlines. They will get involved with other people in your life and run a smear campaign. I couldnt believe it at first, thought it was anxiety but after seeing a therapist and sorting out all the facts I realized I need to stay away from this person!
Rose Macabre
Rose Macabre 4 yıl önce
Thanks for sharing this research info, it's very interesting. My mom had Borderline PD, and would cry all the time, sometimes "binge crying", in her room for long hours, or even days. She had absolutely no awareness of how her crying affected others, other than noticing that it caused her romantic partners to avoid her, which made her cry more because she was anxious/fearful that they would leave, which they usually did... Aaand an inevitable mobius of emotional instability was put into action.
Rebekah Aylar önce
So sorry. Understand the binge crying thing big time but my mom was well aware of the affect on others and used it intentionally.
Patrick Hanson
Patrick Hanson 4 yıl önce
Im a diagnosed borderline about 2 months into treatment. Im a dude, and yes I well up all the time but usually bottle it up (less with my treatment). The feelings, anger and anxiety, including sadness, are intense and lead to yelling, panic, and yes crying...Including a mixed feeling as mentioned.
Mr. Gold
Mr. Gold Yıl önce
How did your treatment go friend?
Joyce Aldrich
Joyce Aldrich 7 aylar önce
Thank you for shedding some light on crying and Borderline. I was diagnosed with BPD, at 36, and am now, 67. I cry very easily. It's, definitely, not manipulative. Tears well up, especially, when I am remembering something distressing, sad, etc, from the past, or when I'm experiencing remorse for something I did that I feel badly about. I also cry when I see suffering, in others, that I do or don't relate to. Suffering, in general, upsets me. It can get embarrassing to just start crying for no apparent reason. It just bubbles out of me like an artesian well, with no effort, on my part. It's quite automatic. I admit to feeling better after I cry. Perhaps, I cry to release the pressure of past trauma that still feels like it's happening in the here and now. I can't seem to let go if the past. Someone can say something, or I'm watching something, and I'm transported to another time and place, where I experienced something similar. Just a thought.
october skye
october skye 4 yıl önce
Crying is *also* a symptom of certain (typically untreated) seizure disorders. And there often is *no* catharsis. Thank you for another excellent video, Dr. Grande! 🐯
Martha Alexander
Martha Alexander 3 yıl önce
I think perception and intensity are very key. I have bpd and I feel things very intensely and I also think I don’t perceive people’s reactions and emotions properly.
nhmisnomer 4 yıl önce
I'd like to see a comparison between borderline personality disorder and PTSD, particularly in young people emerging from extremely abusive family situations. My layperson observation is it's hard to tell from their actions if they're one or the other (or both).
Cat Lily
Cat Lily Yıl önce
I used to cry so much. I was misdiagnosed with BPD but actually have PTSD and bipolar disorder. I do have very unstable emotions but not the interpersonal problems.
NoaHifiv Yıl önce
I was asking myself this too. I live in a country where I have the impression doctors hardly diagnose PTSD unless you are from a war area.
NoaHifiv Yıl önce
@Cat Lily I remember Fauci crying in the documentary about him. He calls it PTSD.
Cat Lily
Cat Lily Yıl önce
@NoaHifiv Why do you care about Fauci if you are not from the USA? What does he have to do with PTSD?
KATE 4biglittlevoices
KATE 4biglittlevoices 26 gün önce
If I am right , the way I understand BPD is often formed very early on in a particular stage of early development when there were some emotional needs unmet - and NOT necessarily bc or neglect or abuse either - it could be that a high needs toddler needed mama, and say during that high stakes development period, mama had a high risk infant B sibling to nurture, and as a result , this set the stage for the disorder- obviously the tendency would have had to be there , this toddler was always prone , but then If things fell into place so that the needs were withdrawn during that exact stage - it’s absolutely births the disorder , that set prone , from there- I am unsure the effects nurture/nature plays, but I do for sure know the symptoms are on a spectrum of severity - out of the 9 symptoms in the DSM - a score of 5’or more indicates a DX - but these 5’traits may be mild- where another BPD with say 7 traits , have hard core marked traits
Annabelle Lee
Annabelle Lee 2 yıl önce
I was crying everyday like this before I was diagnosed with depression and put on Celexa. I've always had difficulty identifying my emotions and I got frustrated when trying to express them. When I forget a few days of my medication, I can definitely tell a difference. No body wants to be around me when I can't control my emotions.
Zsuzsanna Molnar
Zsuzsanna Molnar 4 yıl önce
Diagnosed with BPD, on the assessment I started to cry in from of the lady who I never met before, since I’m in DBT now I got to know that it was out of shame and guilt at the same time and yes I have difficulty telling what I feel at the moment, most of the time I feel many emotions at the same time, which makes it so hard when it comes to observing my emotions...and describing...so DBT is extremely tough for me. And also I cry much more when I’m at that building, I know they don’t judge me, they don’t feel pity, they just accept me for who I am. I consider myself a high-functioning BPD, so outside that building nobody can see the “real” me, only the person I let close to me, which goes always as a disaster or tornado or hurricane after a while...
Audenim Oshea
Audenim Oshea 2 yıl önce
I am between diagnosis and in the process of a new therapist because I moved and it's scary but therapy helps so much. I don't know if I have BPD, ADHD, bipolar, Autism- I've been thrown in an out of all of those "labels". The only things that stuck was clinical depression and anxiety. I am hyper reactive and no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to stop it. I am hoping my new therapist good and helpful. I has CBT for 2 years and then was meant to be referred for 1 on 1 psychotherapy but I got lost in the system (apparently). Here's hoping 2021 is the year of me finally being diagnosed correctly and given coping mechanisms to help because it feels like I haven't been living.
elf3 2 yıl önce
I have been diagnosed with BPD a few times now, I relate to every symptom as well. The other day I watched the Crab Rave official video and cried. They were overwhelmed tears at the seemingly happy and united dance of the crabs. I find that the things that cause me to cry wouldnt make someone else cry at all. Its almost like the frequent crying when you're depressed. Thats how it feels for me anyway. (Dont roast me)
Bexpressions_ Yıl önce
Dr Grande, your video is very interesting. A few months ago I was diagnosed with Aspergers, My doctor turned and said I’m probably BPD to because I cry so easily. I thought that was weird until watching your video. Thank you for all that you do Dr Grande
Ellen Brucker Marshall
Much like my experience. Although I self DX Aspergers because therapists missed it. All symptoms apply. Every tool helps. Words are always minutes behind thoughts, thoughts fast but must explore every possible avenue of probability before choosing the best one. By the time I speak, the right moment has passed. Crying is a response to frustration and overwhelm when my body feels profound pain that may or may not be my own. Never think that empaths raised by narcissists had more fun.
Just Me
Just Me 4 yıl önce
Wow. Another great video. Over time, I realize more and more that the timeliness of your messages is astonishing. My history in spiritual fellowships suggests that when a Speaker is right on point for me that week, it's a sign that "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear." And when I express the timeliness of the message to another attendee, they'll often agree that it was amazing for them, too. Ditto for what I've witnessed in Codependents in Recovery meetings ... everyone's situation may be different but the core feelings/issues are always the same on a basic level. With those two thoughts in mind, THANK YOU for being such a great teacher to me and countless others right when we need it. 👌😙👍 I am so grateful! If it weren't for your darned timeliness 😣and my blind trust in a family member 😖 while straddling the line between self-care and trying to steer my loved one in the right direction before it's too late, I'd be forking over cash. Right now, please accept my sincere thanks for helping me to try to look out for both she and I. Being a true empath, your logical thoughts make what she's feeling, while she's expressing it differently, easier for me to understand. THANK YOU, Dr. Grande!
Erin Bennett
Erin Bennett 4 yıl önce
very interesting! thanks for the video :) This makes me want to look into other disorders like anxiety and ADHD to see how emotional hypersensitivity and crying relate to them as well.
Jo Viviano
Jo Viviano Yıl önce
I'm not diagnosed with BPD, but an adjustment disorder. I do have long crying spells that can last for hours. This started sometime after I was treated poorly at my job, and received threatening indications of daily stalking from my former group of online friends, who I cut ties with after starting transitioning with hormone replacement therapy, after they started to ghost me when the transition process began... In general, HRT brought me peace, but the aftermath of escaping that online group caused me to experience a lot of emotional distress, as it became increasingly apparent they were emotionally abusing me for years, and also emotionally blackmailing me not to start the HRT process. I definitely don't have a strong sense of awareness of how exactly this crying affects others, but it would be nice to gain more support. To be honest, this crying seems a lot like grief, in the sense I wouldn't have imagined that my former friends would become stalkers etc
Hayley bourgault
Hayley bourgault 4 yıl önce
In 2003 I cried everyday for 10 months, I had 3 dIssociative identity for 3 days in a row, never again. I was hospitalized for a week and diagnosed with major depressive disorder. It took me 6 months after I got out of hospital to stop shaking inside!! Love your channel!!!!😊
Paesito Paez
Paesito Paez 3 yıl önce
I think that theory of being left without tears as an indicator for a more severe form of depression is very true for me. I've had MDD twice in my life, and in both instances, things have gone worse once I couldn't cry any longer.
Alma Kehler Brown
Alma Kehler Brown 4 yıl önce
Thank you for this info. My 19 year old son cried a lot when he was in elementary school. He doesn't cry easily anymore. This info helps a lot in understanding what is and what was going on. He is in therapy and I think it has helped a lot. Ty you again for an excellent video Dr Grande! Your videos are definitely up there among my favorites. The are very informative in a logical way.
fiona scheibel
fiona scheibel 4 yıl önce
I have been diognosed with BPD. I do all i can to not display emotions. Crying and getting angry was severely punish when i was growing up. I will still not cry in front of people and especially do all i can to not display anger and even punish myself for feeling angry. I was relentlessly bullied at school and even as an adult and if i couldnt prevent myself from crying it proved to the bully that they had won. I do experience emotions strongly. But battle really hard to not show or say how i feel. In fact my self harm behaviours, also kept hidden, are done to reduce the strength of the emotions.
MeMe P.
MeMe P. Yıl önce
oof giving flashbacks of 13-15 year old me I'm 17 now I honestly cant tell what's wrong with me genuinely but ig ill find out but I probably either a HSP, or have ADHD or BPD idk and this made me think of how I cried in class in 9th grade for like the beginning to middle then how I wiped my tears and resumed my happy mode as if I was never sad like I genuinely know that the whole class will forever think wow she's crazy smh...and I cried because a random teacher yelled at me(Adults/Authority instantly remind me of being yelled at by parents idk plus it was about something so dumb he didn't yell it was more like speaking in a stern voice it just felt like he was) I more so cried because I was mad I couldn't react and instant sadness that I had done what ig was wrong smh and def cut when I had anger issues from I think 10-13 I only stopped because it wasn't helping and left scars plus I knew if anyone found out especially family they would think I'm crazy or bad just instant guilt (lol actually they found out 2020 and still not in therapy my mom even asked if my brain worked normally with a worried face almost as if she never saw the signs(I remember when I was younger I would cry a lot and yell and tell her I wanted to die when I said that I was crying on my knees I completely remember how I had yanked my mouth open using both hands scratching my gums and yelling I wanna kill myself in tears I was I think 10-13 she was very different then now that she gave birth to her third child shes more open minded and generally more there for me but it just feels a bit too late and nobody remembers or even thinks about what they said in the past to make me the way I am I sorta speak in a metaphor kinda way so its like everything I say is a red flag but their not paying attention or understanding all I get is whats and questions smh)and then proceeds to say ive never known anyone who actually do this woww and tries to push a why out of me to this day idk ig I was mad and wanted a distraction from it idk I just cry and be mad on the inside and sometimes will be passive agressive ig I also did overeating from time to time hmm 10-15 was a crazy time for me honestly now im 17 soon to be 18 and cant wait to get away from everyone and everything like get in a car to a desert and just chill and think abt life there and comeback when I feel like it(I know life isn't like this but imagine if you could be anywhere in peace without any worries and nobody to hurt or stress out or disappoint it would be really nice)It's not their fault they think its just teenage hormones and stress but it genuinely feels deeper than that and its almost as if i'm filtering for them how much I show to them i'm sooooo sorry to overshare lol this'll probably be the only time i'll type my feelings out anyways~
TD McCoy
TD McCoy 2 yıl önce
I think 'hyperractive' response has everything to do with if it's in response to someone/something that is important or hurtful to a person. Not at all 'just in general' over reaction to everything.
Kellie Arnold
Kellie Arnold Yıl önce
Great shirt. Very interesting about crying. Everyone is different in what makes them cry. It’s fascinating how each and every person is so different. Have a great night!!!! Well done Dr.Grande.
Grumpy Schnauzer
Grumpy Schnauzer 5 aylar önce
Very interesting conversation. I had 4 female clients who all cried and elicited different reactions within me that I found puzzling. Client A cried and had no emotional/facial affect… I could feel the repressed anger and frustration… crying felt like a cathartic release. They continued to cry as we spoke but stoically. Friends claim their anger outbursts are very self-punishing and quite discomforting. Client B cried and it was a very intense and emotional outburst as they said that they were feeling so sad. Their partner looked somewhat bored by the response (as they might experience this response often as an exaggerated display of their feelings). I did not feel they were being manipulative despite the production of directed intense crying but that they were not able to control the intense emotion very well. Also a way of expressing anger and frustration but likely happened more often than not. When I would ask them questions requiring a cognitive response rather than an emotion-focused one, their crying would immediately stop and their affect would flatline and hyperfocus . Client C was my least favorite experience. If I accidentally asked a question that elicited the client to share an unsavory feeling or thought (they’d find fault to complain about in every single relationship and area of their life) and they realized it reflected poorly on them, they immediately would launch into tears and claim “you probably think I’m x,y,z or I’m [insert negative trait] and you barely know me.” Immediately I’d feel my defenses go up and feel my heart pounding… the client is attempting to manipulate the narrative and correct their image. The tears/display felt insincere and fake. Client D would display possessive and jealous behavior of their partner and cry while reflecting on what a horrible person they were to someone they loved. This felt congruent although they cry A LOT as a sensitive person… like a leaky faucet. I would diagnose all of these clients differently considering the crying experience. The experiences drop clues.
Nettle 2 yıl önce
I didn’t cry when my mother died. Rather, I went completely numb and possibly dissociative. But when I had to give up our cats to the shelter a few weeks later, I bawled like a baby all the way (which is unusual because I rarely cry in front of others, and here I was crying in front of a bunch strangers.)
Kara 6 aylar önce
I've cried just about every day for the last 3+ years. Literally, no exaggeration. Maybe a few or several days out of those 3+ years I didn't, most likely because I slept all day or was somehow distracted from my brain (wish it happened more often) once in a blue moon. And it happens so easily, the tears come in a matter of a second or two after having a certain thought or feeling. And it's not like one tear dribbles down my cheek, it's almost like a faucet turned on very very low, it just streams and streams. I'm crying thinking about crying 😂. Ha...but seriously. All I've wanted more than anything is to be held and consoled by someone. my boyfriend..my mother...when I cry. Unfortunately they're both high in narcissistic traits and just ignore me. When I was little, every time I would start to cry I would run upstairs to my room and hide under the covers because I didn't want my mom to see. I don't know why. I don't remember her saying anything negative about me crying, but she must have and it's just buried somewhere. What an awful thing for a kid to feel. Fortunately I didn't end up as an adult who can't cry or cry in front of people. However, it's never acknowledged. Oh well, fuck em.
Maristella 3 yıl önce
Dr. Grande, This is another great analysis. Many interesting topics come to mind as offshoots of this. For those of us who have worked with borderlines, we may remember how the various patients presented and we may have wondered at times how to interpret these varied states we observed. Then there are those of us, ourselves, who have not cried in years who may have at points had a cry and felt different and lighter afterward. We may have felt a letting go of the past hurts through that. Thank you for this analysis. It is helpful for much reflection.
Suzanne Thompson
Suzanne Thompson Yıl önce
I grew up with my dad being absent alot and feeling like he would not come back. I felt my mom worry about that too. I developed panic attacks about it when I was five or six when my parents fought alot. As an adult my mom said she did not feel like she could go it alone. I would not cry as much as stress out
trev moffatt
trev moffatt 5 aylar önce
I think I'm borderline personality disorder, but I put it down being a boxer, and then an actor - both jobs that demand a lot of persona creation. At drama school they tell you to speak with a posh accent so you don't get typecast; in boxing they tell you to keep a poker face, to never give away you're hurt or scared. In acting you explore your inner emotions, in boxing you don't show emotion. Not during the fight anyway. So I had all these contradictions going on, I kind of lost my core identity. my base persona. And in the end I really had no idea who or what I really was. The whole notion of identity became nebulous, without moorings as it were, I think my core identity is shy and withdrawn, but I've acted up so much to overcome shyness, I appear gregarious, even over-confident. Then other times deeply anxious and depressed. Sometimes feeling like a fraud, never being the real me, or not even knowing what the real me is. Any kind of profession that demands you to get out of your comfort zone, to find the 'real you' can ironically lose the real you in a myriad of personas. Or any background that spans identities, can soon leave you in an identity crisis. We like to think human beings are complex, are made to handle contradictions, but we're not really. Most people have a set, uncomplicated identity that they never question, never put to the test. Are not so confident in who they are, but have never put themselves in a situation to question who they are. And well they might, because in spite the modern insistence that getting out of your comfort zone is a great thing to do, it probably isn't. You are probably as well accepting the box that society has made for you. You're suffer less mental illness as a result.
Right Now
Right Now 4 yıl önce
Interesting Dr. Grande. 👍🏻. When you mentioned perception differences and lack of insight it made said sense to me. 💗
As you Wish
As you Wish 3 yıl önce
Dr Grande, I suffered a brain injury at age 6. A subdural hematoma that included swelling in my brain and surgery to remove the blood clot. My parents said I went from a care free little girl to in intensely emotional issues with anger among many other problems. My issues mimicked borderline tendencies although it was something I have learned to recognize and control. My anger issues have become so small it seems like a small Miracle. My question is why do you think there is so little study into brain injury and the personality issues it causes because the pain it caused my family causes me to feel guilt now. There is a guilt and shame pattern now that seems to have replaced my anger. I feel there is not near enough studies into brain injury and I’m ur opinion would u say the a personality disorder can be caused by brain trauma and is recovery a realistic outcome?
NoaHifiv Yıl önce
Living and especially getting older with a brain injury seems to have serious mental health complications. Yes I would like to know more about that too.
As you Wish
As you Wish 3 yıl önce
With regards to the crying, with emotional disregulation I have found crying can be indicative of heightened response to a stimuli and it becomes embarrassing so I avoided things that would cause me to cry. Such as church, the embarrassment of crying when I would hear music that touched my heart I become so embarrassed. I quit going. I can’t say goodbye to someone or recall a painful memory without crying. It has never been manipulative so I have never experienced anger from anyone. My sister has narcissistic tendencies so when she would cry it always seemed very manipulative and it makes me very angry when she cries. I can see that crying can be therapeutic but what should be done instead of anger to react to someone who cries as a manipulation?
Dani Dalenberg
Dani Dalenberg 4 yıl önce
As I person with bpd I can confirm I cry at least once a day lmao
I ROAM ALONE 4 yıl önce
Me too. But I am not laughing at you
Shannon Mayer
Shannon Mayer 4 yıl önce
Me, too. Also, I have bpd, too. It seems like alot of people with bpd are also interested in psychology, like me. Anyone else notice that?
Shannon Mayer
Shannon Mayer 4 yıl önce
Ben Hackett Thanks
Nicki Daisy Reddwoodd
Same here.
Ame A
Ame A 4 yıl önce
Ella 3 yıl önce
I don't know what it's like for others but I find that my body reacts with crying even when I'm not really that upset... it's like my brain is broken and it's very hard to be around others and it makes them uncomfortable... it takes a huge amount of physical effort to regulate and control... it's embarrassing and exhausting.
Greg Zeng
Greg Zeng 4 yıl önce
16:25 > "BPD creates emotional situations that lead to crying" 17:35 > "crying, designed to be manipulative " Agree with the above two findings. My neighbour & also one of my three sisters (now deceased) fabricated crisis situations that force group attention to the supposed distress of the BPD person. Seems that low empathy on the effect of the whole group effect is missing. The BPD distress seems to me to be a learned response to poor parenting. Cluster B & C is taught by parental inadequacies to all the children. When funeral arrangements for either parent are done, the return to childhood pathologies happens to all family members. This is a very deep emotional process that later adulthood re-conditioning cannot avoid. My neighbour's family shows also clear nuclear family pathologies. Strict "tiger parenting" has created very anxious family systems. Any uncertainties will be created artificially, to generate an emergency system, where the goodies & baddies are clearly visible. If these extreme persons do not exist, every effort is made, until clear extreme polarity has been created. In this state of permanent anxiety & warfare, the hyper-stressed families then reach their stability of "coping", as they best know it. These BPD emotional states seem not able to be removed by any cognitive process. Much more research into social engineering is needed for these highly anxious families & communities.
Marcello Woodford
Marcello Woodford 2 yıl önce
What about Empathic types who 'Feel Alot?' They could be 'Cryers' too,being extra-aware and 'Feeling' or 'Understanding more' situations,whether watching films,reading well-written literature,or just empathising with other people's experiences?
Maxine Lugo
Maxine Lugo Yıl önce
I agree with being empathetic- I am to the point it’s crippling. Manipulation and lying I’m not understanding, maybe because that doesn’t resonate with me?
CJGem 80
CJGem 80 4 yıl önce
Thank you for your videos. Please explore the topic of why borderlines who attract narcissists as romantic partners. I have BPD and had 3 relationships with narcissists in the past 3 years.
It's okay to be Stupid
Official BPD diagnosed person here. Neglected to address my mental health my entire adult life, a suicide attempt by gunshot to the face brought me into medical care for the first time ever, CBT has been a tremendous resource, today I manage expectations better than ever before. I have decided that I don’t expect anyone on this planet to be able to avoid MY triggers, the love that I expect to receive is probably an unrealistic brand of Cathexis, I want to avoid serious romantic relationships, probably for the rest of my life.
Mandooze 2 yıl önce
Not everyone with these symptoms should be labelled as a borderline...theres complex PTSD from shittyness. Honestly humans cant judge other humans...including psychologists trying to put others in a box. It literally disgusts me. But I love your channel dr. Grande ...thanks♥️
Cheryl Thompson
Cheryl Thompson 7 aylar önce
I was diagnosed with BPD. I literally never cry. But, I used to when I was younger. I do not do well in romantic relationships so, I stay alone a lot. It is possible to correct your behavior with any personality disorder.
Rebecca Hodges
Rebecca Hodges Yıl önce
I have cried and been extremely sensitive about things that to others weren't big deal. earliest memory I have is watching a movie when I was three...and it had about a giant who was chased out of the town by town people. It was a kids movie... but I was inconsolable. my poor babysitter - when my parents came home I think they must have thought the baby sitter was being mean to me. : ( I also was completely sobbing inconsolable mess first time I saw Dumbo at 6 yrs. kept on thru out my life until I was diagnosed and got on mood stabilizers. the help a bit.
Lynne Bucher
Lynne Bucher 7 aylar önce
I've run across a few people who appear to use crying as a manipulative tactic. I can tell, because if you give them what they want, the crying abruptly ends and their mood brightens right up. Then I know I've been had.
K2scuba 4 yıl önce
As a young professional, I cried a lot when criticized or when I didn't achieve my high standards. I was always mortified by my behavior, as emotion at work was viewed as a weakness in my mostly male-dominated field. I tried everything to stop the tears when I could feel them coming, yet nothing worked. I learned to cope by heading to a private space where no one could see me. Through the years, I became more confident in my abilities and the crying lessened. Dr. Grande, do you have any recommendations on how to stop the crying behavior (especially when its inappropriate, like at work)?
carrie snell
carrie snell 4 yıl önce
Joy Webster
Joy Webster 3 yıl önce
U identified it, don't take the criticisms or perceived failures as personal which leads to tears. Think of it as feedback, a mental exercise to solve. Keep it as head level, not heart level.
Cat Lily
Cat Lily Yıl önce
I pretend I need to use the bathroom. Then I cry in there.
iamlight 4 yıl önce
I know this is going to sound strange but i thought everybody cried (not trolling). Amazing that having a shoulder to cry on (sort of say) is more therapeutic than crying alone.
Wishful Thinking
Wishful Thinking 4 yıl önce
I thought that too until I had some traumatic events and fell into a major depression. One feature of this time period was being unable to cry despite knowing it might even help. Depression is a powerful illness not to let go untreated. Fortunately I did get treated, had another small trauma and dealt with it, it started the tears flowing after about 8 dry years.
Boo Stover
Boo Stover Yıl önce
I rarely cry, but I don't mind crying alone; what really bothers me is crying when others are around. I'm not talking about being choked up over something touching or sad, I'm talking about breaking down and sobbing. For me, the idea of crying in the presence of others is a nightmare.
Álvaro A. Lorite
Álvaro A. Lorite 4 yıl önce
Could you do a video on the scientific evidence for/against venting and other kinds of catharsis for emotional improvement? For example, if you are angry, will boxing make you feel better in the short/medium/long term than for example, meditation?
M 2 yıl önce
This is interesting. I believe my mother has BPD, although, not sure she's been diagnosed as such. If she was, she would never tell anyone. My mom does the crying/rage thing. She cries to get what she wants and if it's not working, she instantly turns from tears to rage and vice versa. She can be easily manipulated into thinking negative things about good people and turning on them. On the other hand, she will talk about the "good" in terrible people-pedophiles, drug pushers, etc. I was told when I was young, that I'd grow up having a personality disorder or mental illness because of my mom. For a long time, I was convinced of this and went into intense counseling for many years trying to identify with one. Though I sometimes do and say just as my parents' did and said, I, nor any therapist, could find a disorder or mental illness that fit me. Seems strange but if I was unhealthy, mentally, I wanted to know and deal with it in a healthy way. I do see that my three sisters seem to have narcissistic traits. I'm wondering if you could do a video about the likelihood of children developing personality disorders because one or both parents have one? I'm also wondering if could do one on how to interact with a BPD parent? How to avoid the rage, etc. It's very difficult to interact with my mom and I end up having long periods of time where I have nothing to do with her because of her extreme behavior.
Adi Shtnid
Adi Shtnid 9 aylar önce
All my life, people around me were being annoyed by my frequency of crying and thus reacted accordingly in mean ways, not knowing I was struggling with BPD. For instance, my father used to beat me up every time I used to cry.
𝓖๏𝕕ⓌᎥη 4 yıl önce
Dr.Grande someone gave you a thumbs down for making them cry 😢. I however found your analysis spot on. My wish is they consider your feedback in the next DSM.
Maturity is earned
Maturity is earned 4 yıl önce
G๏dWᎥη IRTEHMOFO - hmmmm Maybe some people in their childhood have been hit hard for crying. So there are thoughts of self unworthiness for crying. I noticed there are people who degrade other people who cry publicly. Why would it make an observer angry or frustrated simply seeing a stranger cry? Are people afraid of looking at grief? I wonder if it hooks into their sadism.
Notmyrealname 3 yıl önce
Teal swans cult followers have probably taken it upon themselves to downvote grande becuse he said her real name was Mary bosworth
Cahlel Ammon
Cahlel Ammon 4 yıl önce
Your videos are awesome. Thank you very much for time, energy, and expertise!
Ellen Brucker Marshall
At 67 years old, if I have BPD, I think this started as Aspergers female who was abused mentally and sexually from infancy, had no words for complex emotions. “She cries at EVERYTHING.” my mother wrote in my baby book. Parents treated me like I was purposely manipulating them, “blackmailing” rather than unable to express profound frustration, loneliness, grief, and physical pain when my physical systems shut down in overload.
John Paul
John Paul 4 yıl önce
"Lachrymal apparatus" is an interesting and amusing term, unique in my experience. Once again, you've expanded my vocabulary. It should be fun trying to introduce that one into the conversation. Let's see: This beautiful music is stimulating my lachrymal apparatus. --I'll work on it. Edit: Watching the news these days can send my lachrymal apparatus into overdrive. -Who among us truly understands her or his lachrymal apparatus? -The sad truth is that parental, familial, and societal responses, negative or even nonexistent, can cause small children to deactivate their lachrymal apparatus, which often distorts their perceptions for decades. -This actress was well known for having easy access to her lachrymal apparatus; in other words, she can cry on cue (or, should the movie express a bourgeois sensibility, she can weep at will). -Imagine a world in which people feel free to make responsible use of their lachrymal apparatus.
i have BLPD , thank you for your videos i have been in thearpy for years for it and have learned insight to myself and DBT has helped me so much , i love that you give more insight with your videos , i have wonderful Theripist but your videos help me as well as thank you
Andrea Fernández
Andrea Fernández 4 yıl önce
I love all of your videos. They're so informative and well-researched! Also, you have a very soothing voice :P Thank you!
nancysrios 3 yıl önce
My mother in law may have this disorder. It’s as if she has fits with screaming. Either she idolizes someone or finds fault with them. She instigatestrouble and plays people against each other. She likes to gossip. She has been very rude to me and then she apologizes while crying that I don’t care for her. She expects me to console her and tell her everything is all right so she can do it all over again. No one likes her.
Edward Chavez
Edward Chavez Yıl önce
That’s a borderline.. extremely manipulative, fake tears, narcissistic af, uses your empathy against you, etc. female psychopaths
Iris Mentus
Iris Mentus 2 yıl önce
I can't believe I just found this little 'gem' among your videos. Fascinating stuff Dr. Grande!
SM 4 yıl önce
I had a borderline ex who had lots of trauma who would cry after seemingly innocuous things, like after she went running 🤷
SM 4 yıl önce
Painted Wolf LOL no 😂
Messina Lyle
Messina Lyle 3 yıl önce
Physical movement can influence our emotional state way more than most people realize. Many people don't see how much our bodies and emotions are connected. "Method acting" is a type of acting where you cause yourself to feel whatever emotion the character you are portraying is supposed to be feeling, instead of just trying to outwardly imitate the emotion. That way you can portray it more convincingly. One of my acting instructors in college showed us several techniques by which to do this. One was to imitate the emotion through your posture so that your posture would trick your brain into thinking, "Oh, I'm supposed to be sad now," or "I'm supposed to be happy." He showed us how we could genuinely make ourselves feel happier by adopting a happy pose, and he said that if he hunched over like he was sad and sighed repeatedly, he could actually bring himself to tears. Because of this connection between our bodies and our emotions, vigorous exercise can release emotions that we have stored up in our bodies, which can cause us to cry. I once watched an episode of one of those reality talent contests where two contestants did a dance that portrayed a couple breaking up, to a song that was about breaking up. The man cried when they finished the dance. I watched this with my father and he was perplexed as to why this guy was crying, but because of the experience I'd had in the two acting classes I'd taken, I understood that the exercise of dancing must have released some emotions that he had stored up about past break-ups he had been through. Especially since the dance had included gestures related to breaking up, such as one part where they had pantomimed angrily packing their suitcases. Maybe that reminded him of a time when he had done that while leaving the house of a girl he was breaking up with. A guy I used to be Facebook friends with once posted about how he had started having crying spells after hitting the gym. It wasn't because of physical pain, and the emotion that the workouts were bringing out of him weren't connected to any particular memory--it was just this backlog of emotion that had built up in his body that came out when he exercised. He asked his friends in this post if any of them ever had a similar experience. I commented that I'd cried after a yoga session once for a very similar reason to why he had started crying after his workouts. Another woman said she cried after sex when she was particularly stressed. So if dancing, yoga, working out at the gym, and sex can all release emotions that we have stored in our bodies and thus cause us to cry, then it makes sense to me why running could do the same.
Cat Lily
Cat Lily Yıl önce
I was abused as a child and when I was a teenager I would start crying during cross country practice. Luckily no one was around usually.
browneyedgirl428 Yıl önce
I used to cry so easily back in the day, I don’t think there’s a problem with crying at all, Of all the jobs I have lost due to my adhd, I have cried every time in front of hr because it was absolutely devastating and I’m sure that my ex coworkers had a field day seeing me in tears 😭 also how is crying deemed as inappropriate? It sounds like that opinion was held by someone who likes to invalidate other peoples feelings.
Brit Ann
Brit Ann 4 yıl önce
16:30 As an indiviudual with some understanding of psychological science (4th year BSc-psyc student), who has also had two different psychiatrists - during treatment - say their clinical impressions of me was BDP/emotionally unstable PD, I gravitate toward this making more sense to me. Obviously this is just personal & anecdotal but figured it was worth mentioning.
songbird singing
songbird singing 4 yıl önce
i've been diagnosed as "Uni-polar" and PTSD. after years of therapy, the best healing was done while crying..deep crying...a LOT of crying...it's a way of letting go and it feels wonderful. i haven't watched your video..i'm responding to your title.
Rosie Thomas
Rosie Thomas 11 aylar önce
Having been just dx with this disorder and I am 73 years old my fear of dying alone scares the hell out of me. I am a kind caring person. Always taking care of others. When I need help no one comes to help me. I had 3 major surgeries alone. One where I needed help and I had no one. My children found something else to do or they were too busy to come and help their mother. This dx has devastated me.
The Fletch life
The Fletch life 2 yıl önce
My ex-wife cries on demand. She also struggles with emotional regulation, but she does cry to manipulate/avoid accountability and lay down a "red hearing". She was diognosed with BPD and ADHD.
Edward Chavez
Edward Chavez Yıl önce
BPDs are the absolute worst. All will deny it of course, but it’s entirely manipulative.
Allie 2 yıl önce
Could it be related to the empathy paradox? My hwBPD and a parent who's never been diagnosed but appears to me to meet the criteria for BPD both cry at the drop of a hat. It can be over a scene in a movie to reacting to news of the death of a friend, tears of joy or deep sadness, a few tears to uncontrollable. On the other hand, they each have sudden, angry outbursts that are inappropriate and disproportionate to the situation and will become cold and leave the situation until they've had time to calm down.
Dmongreen 4 yıl önce
I was diagnosed with BPD comorbid with Bipolar Disorder....I hardly ever cry, but I find myself angry at something everyday.
Reign Delacore
Reign Delacore 4 yıl önce
I have BPD and rarely cry... at times I feel the need to force myself to cry to release certain emotions and I do it alone, you would have to do something extreme to actually make me legitimately make me cry or the death of a loved one.
Aaliyah Newton
Aaliyah Newton 4 yıl önce
I’m borderline and bipolar too and I feel like I am angry about something or at someone everyday as well. I swear I don’t go a day without raging in my head. But I also cry a lot.
Rhyses Pieces
Rhyses Pieces 3 yıl önce
@Reign Delacore Ah. This is very interesting. I cry in similar circumstances. As I can best explain, it is almost a ritualistic process. It cannot be something cliche. It has to be something I haven't felt any thoughts towards in a long amount of time. I also have no facial expressions when I cry. It is a forced process. My Therapist related it to a Shallow Affect. I wouldn't say sensation seeking is an aspect of it, but that does occur on occasion.
due to personal reasons: AAAAAAAAAAAAA
Really? I have both kinda (BPD and schizoaffective disorder) and I'm rarely angry. Occassionally in my manic/mixed phases I'll get a little irritated, but that's it. I wonder why the discrepancy.
3Mores 4 yıl önce
Emotional crying is a highly evolved, uniquely human experience in the animal kingdom. It is a gift that I indulge in often. Crying at home viewing a sappy movie is a common occurrence. It happens so often that a flight attendant once took notice of my tears during an in-flight movie as a cause of concern. It's not as manipulative as it is embarrassing. I am a survivor of childhood trauma, so I think the crying is most likely a cathartic process not fully understood and probably underappreciated.
Nico Rizzo
Nico Rizzo 4 yıl önce
I think we are hyperreactive emotionally. I'm well aware that things that make a normal person just a little sad feel like the end of the world to me. But it is true that we generally don't manipulate, at least not intentionally, and multiple studies also determined that.
Linda Simons
Linda Simons 2 yıl önce
Geez, I had know idea my despair and tears were seen as conniving and controling. Relieved I mostly do it alone.
Ryan Slings
Ryan Slings 3 aylar önce
My father I believe has BPD. He's consistently used crying as a manipulation tactic to circumvent accountability for his abusive actions. I cut contact with him 10 years ago and life immediately and dramatically improved for me.
Dr. Phil Goode
Dr. Phil Goode Aylar önce
YES!!! And at the drop of a hat.
Hillary Miniello
Hillary Miniello 3 yıl önce
In recent dealings with a borderline client I came across this video. It makes me wonder if it is possible that borderline clients under report crying. Perhaps and interesting topic for further study.
C.J. Giordano
C.J. Giordano Yıl önce
This is kind of off topic, but as someone who has had at least one borderline client(s), do you find them to be higher in creativity and intelligence generally speaking. I don’t have BPD, but I remember reading something that people with this specific disorder tend to have higher IQs and can be very insightful and creative even though they struggle with implementing the solutions to their problems. Some people that I have met who I think may have had BPD are capable of seeing several steps ahead of people around them, and being somewhat manipulative at times. For example, turning people they love against each other for their own benefit. I have definitely been manipulated by someone with this disorder that is close to me at least once, but then again I am no egghead so maybe it is just me. Lol. Do you find this stereotype to be true?
Jessica Sullivan
Jessica Sullivan 4 yıl önce
The most informative therapist on TRvid. Thank you for all you do.
Vallen Mgee
Vallen Mgee Yıl önce
I've been crying uncontrolably for 33 years over nothing sometimes and over positive or negative things, I've even cried in my sleep. Now in my 70s, I feel intense fears and crumble, shake and cry. It can be a sound or shadow and I over react.
Sandy Shore Walker
Sandy Shore Walker 4 yıl önce
Very interesting information. A person I am in contact with has many crying spells during our visit. I don't see tears. I don't want to minimilize what their going through. Thank you for your insights. If this person is relieved when I show empathy that might be a reason they do it. I find myself asking why. Feeling frustraited at times in this relationship.
Blizz Red
Blizz Red 2 yıl önce
I have an ex who I think has BPD she could cry for literally hours straight about absolutely the smallest thing. Even when she was the villain she would cry for long periods of time and it’s hard at times to differentiate manipulation from actual genuine remorse. She was very emotionally hasty and erratic. Her parents would tell her to go get help but they raised her with this “you have to be strong and independent” so she never went due to conflicting values. She would be so afraid of getting into relationships because she thought all relationships don’t end well. She would explain her emotions in very intense ways like “her soul being ripped out of her body”. Thanks for this video 🙏👑
Edward Chavez
Edward Chavez Yıl önce
Bro that’s manipulation. They are very narcissistic. They are super needy and use your love/empathy against you. It’s likely she left you as well (they usually force you to care for them, then abandon you when they get someone else behind your back lol). Be well sir
Blizz Red
Blizz Red Yıl önce
@Edward Chavez story of my life, I appreciate the comment
GenXmum 4 yıl önce
Both my parents and my ex husband became angry when I cried. I cry when I am stressed. I'll ask my psychologist about it today.
Norma 2 yıl önce
Dr. Grande, Could you please explain the difference between sadness and depression? are they the same? I have this feeling of sadness from childhood abuse and early adult abuse and betrayed from my family and close ones. I know I am traumatized and I must have some mental disorder, but this feeling of "chronic" sadness is equivalent to depression? Thank you so much
Beanybag2 Yıl önce
I think manipulative behaviors can be conditioned and so develop unintentionally without the manipulator being aware when those behaviors are rewarded
X Ladies Lady X
X Ladies Lady X 2 gün önce
The odd thing about my mother in law is that I’ve never seen her actually cry. I’ve seen her pretend to cry many times, but I’ve never seen her actually cry with tears. Not even when her husband or daughter died. She does this thing where she pretends to sob like a little child (even now at 75), and when she wants you to know she’s excited or happy, she will act the way you’d expect a young child to act when they’re happy or excited. Whether its crying or excitement, she always seems to put on an act. 🤷‍♀️