8 Signs of the Most Destructive Narcissistic Profile 

Dr. Todd Grande
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This video answers the questions: What is the worst type of narcissistic personality or narcissistic profile? What combination of narcissistic characteristics is the worst for society? What combination of narcissistic characteristics is the worst for the person who has it?
There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a Cluster B personality disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. It has nine symptom criteria, five of which are required for a diagnosis.
1: Grandiose sense of self-importance
2: Fantasies
3: Special or unique
4: Requires excessive admiration
5: Sense of entitlement
6: Manipulative
7: Lacks empathy for others
8: Often envious
9: Arrogant attitudes or behaviors
Joseph P. Forgas,, Rebekah East. On being happy and gullible: Mood effects on skepticism and the detection of deception. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 44 (2008) 1362-1367
DASHINEAU, EDERSHILE, SIMMS, AND WRIGHT. Pathological Narcissism and Psychosocial Functioning, Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment. 2019, Vol. 10, No. 5, 473-478
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5 Haz 2023




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John Paul
John Paul 3 yıl önce
Being a narcissist means never having to say you're sorry.
Rhonda Marshall
Rhonda Marshall 3 yıl önce
LOL, so funny!! It means never BEING sorry, too!!
John Paul
John Paul 3 yıl önce
@Rhonda Marshall You're right! It means being a sorry sack of stuff, too. 🎃
Kat Brinson
Kat Brinson 3 yıl önce
John Paul lol, Great comment, and describes how they roll!
Debbie Dougherty
Debbie Dougherty 3 yıl önce
John Paul or rather they say ‘sorry you feel that way’
John Paul
John Paul 3 yıl önce
@Kat Brinson It does, it really does. I had just finished watching Dr. Grande's video and I was thinking about several narcissistic people I have known and, searching my memory, I couldn't remember a single time any one of them had ever apologized to me-- for any reason, however trivial. And I knew a couple of them for decades. This is one good way to identify them: they're unable to admit they're at fault. Thanks.
Snowbird 3 yıl önce
You said “they attack people who attack them”. I have seen many times, and from my own personal experiences, it is more of a “perceived” attack the narcissist sees.
T. L.
T. L. 3 yıl önce
Northern Snowbird VERY good phraseology! And very important distinction. Like with borderlines, we say “perceived abandonment”. Perception is key.
N H 3 yıl önce
True. Narcs are always on guard thinking everyone’s out to get them. No matter how calm and collected they appear , they are paranoid and anxious
Candace Casey
Candace Casey 3 yıl önce
I have noticed that too
green spider
green spider 3 yıl önce
Yes there was always an argument where there was no argument there was always a confrontation when there was no confrontation it was an emotional roller coaster of chaos for five years I was married to a malignant narcissist and it was pure hell by the time she was done with me I suffered from insomnia anxiety attacks claustrophobia she destroyed me somehow I was able to get remarried by your house and have a great career with that Took years of recovery and healing
Laura Lerro
Laura Lerro 3 yıl önce
Northern Snowbird Exactly! My therapist uses the term Narcissistic Injury. Your word describes it perfectly, “Perceived”
SugaryPhoenixxx 3 yıl önce
In my relationship with my narcissist ex boyfriend, every interaction with him had some underlying power struggle. It was so exhausting because sometimes I just want to have a friendly adult conversation without having to hold my ground. Its not like I was trying to steal his power, I could care less. But he constantly had to assert himself over me as dominant. It did not feel good. It created arguments which I always ended up losing. He would start verbally berating me & gesturing his hands in my face, with this really intense look in his eyes. It felt like anger was the only genuine emotion he ever felt. Glad that is over with now.
Aurora 2 yıl önce
I've experienced that to the point we've been in agreement and he still was yelling and pretending we disagreed. And i said, "I literally just said that. I agree with you so why are you yelling?" And he just tried to deny reality and claim i didn't actually agree.
Maddy Cozins
Maddy Cozins 2 yıl önce
Mine got this empty look in his eyes... 5 years past and still think about that horrible time too often
imaginempress 👑
imaginempress 👑 2 yıl önce
Snowbird 2 yıl önce
Having an adult conversation with a narcissist is impossible. It’s like trying to have an adult convo with a toddler because emotionally that’s exactly what they are.
Jesus Mind
Jesus Mind 2 yıl önce
Be glad it's not your Mom. I am trying to "divorce" my dad and I am mid fifties. I don't even have relationships with girls any longer I always get one who is just like my dad. I am not gay. I have no relationships at all I guess I never learned how.
Gloria Donahue
Gloria Donahue 2 yıl önce
#6) "Sensitivity to other people asserting themselves is a sign of narcissism." THAT JUST HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. Thank you SO MUCH, Dr. Grande.
Bill King
Bill King Yıl önce
And they go ballistic and tell you to shut up when you insist on being heard.
Jane Doh
Jane Doh 11 aylar önce
wow really yes you get boundaries and they don’t know how to react
Mary Rice
Mary Rice 9 aylar önce
@Jane Doh YES!!!!! ALSO they hate for u to have a sense of pride of yourself! He hated the fact that I was confident!
Jhava Joe
Jhava Joe 3 aylar önce
@Mary Rice Nailed it. It's like they buttress up their defenses in fear. They want to be the leader of the band in the confidence parade. Jeesh-- Minds like little children.
Gigi 15 gün önce
@Bill King Yep, and they get Really Angry, change the subject, and turn it around on You
Lori Marsden
Lori Marsden 3 yıl önce
The hidden narcissist in my opinion is the most dangerous and destructive because they are so sneaky and cunning.
Kay Muldoon
Kay Muldoon 2 yıl önce
Exactly. I had a friend who is a communal narcissist, one of the trickiest kind to figure out. They’re experts at wearing their phony facade.
Autumn Forest
Autumn Forest 2 yıl önce
My husband
erin lewis
erin lewis 2 yıl önce
Think CW
Taco Revenge
Taco Revenge 2 yıl önce
net punk
net punk 3 yıl önce
I think a lot of therapists are easily duped by narcissists. I used to see a therapist for DBT therapy, and I attended her group class. Most of us went voluntarily, but a couple of people were in there as some part of a divorce and/or custody process, either before or after separation. In my 8 months, I saw 2 narcissists, one man and one woman. The group was always a pretty even coed mix, and no one bought into the female narcissist’s story because she was actively cheating on and openly admitting to lying to her husband, and she didn’t seem to understand that we would all be a little judgmental about that, even in our wisest minds, because, hello, dishonesty is not okay and we don’t validate the invalid. But the male narcissist was different. His wife had already separated from him, and he “just wanted his family back” and every woman in the group, including the therapist, swooned and fawned and openly, audibly “awwww”ed at his story (except for me, of course, and I’m not sure if it mattered, but I was the only woman without children in the group at that time). But to me, he was a fraud, because I could pick up on little things on his language that were narcissistic tells, which I had hear verbatim from other narcissists. It wasn’t much of a surprise to me when they both dropped out of the 8 month course at about the two month point. The therapist totally fell for the guy’s BS and it really diminished my confidence in her.
She DeservesIt
She DeservesIt 6 aylar önce
I’d like to hear more about that
Tamtam 4 aylar önce
Or they are a narc themselves 😂😂😂trying to figure out they Brain at same time ❤
Jhava Joe
Jhava Joe 3 aylar önce
@Tamtam No kidding. I lost trust. My neighbor is a Narc and she became a therapist in no time. I cringe that she gives advice. But I have heard of outstanding therapists-- gotta do your research.
Jennifer Lee
Jennifer Lee Aylar önce
I have found some of the most narcissistic people hold a Ph.D. in psychology! I am a surgery nurse and we always noticed that these people who were attempting to help others also had big problems themselves.
UNIVERSE 3 yıl önce
It’s pathological. The trauma in childhood is an explanation of the behaviour. It shouldn’t be justification. They should be treated as disordered so that they can be responsible for their behaviour and also responsible for their behaviour modification. Narcissism is on rise and should be taken seriously. Excellent presentation Sir! 🙏
Sylette Monroe
Sylette Monroe 3 yıl önce
@Life is a Journey That is what it is! Yes!
Anonymous Peaceful person
UNIVERSE can I ask responsible for what types of behaviour? Being accused of projecting on to others or just being a victim of rape and allowing others to walk all over the victim?
UNIVERSE 3 yıl önce
Anonymous Peaceful person I did not understand, can u retype the question??
UNIVERSE 3 yıl önce
@Life is a Journey Hi!!🙏
Ginabina76 3 yıl önce
Yeeees!!!! I swear I walk around saying what is going on with everyone?!?! My therapist says it's because as I get "healthier" I'm seeing things more clearly but its waaaaay more then that! Its definitely on the rise. Idk if it's all the technology, sm, but I want to go live on a mountain...alone....and raise goats lol!
I escaped from a doomsday cult two months ago and this kinda info really keeps me feeling a little better and less cripplingly guilty for the actions of others, thank you Dr Grande for helping me stop blaming myself 💕
Titty McGee
Titty McGee Yıl önce
What cult was it?
Titty McGee
Titty McGee Yıl önce
@Collin Pippi believe it or not some cults are more interesting than others, lol
Collin Pippi
Collin Pippi Yıl önce
@Titty McGee well I’ve found out eventually :) youtube should be more private
Andrew Mass
Andrew Mass 11 aylar önce
Cults are all about not calling out bad behavior. Their no mechanism for this. Lots of those leaders want sex.
Pavla 2 yıl önce
My covert narc mother used to regularly have roof raising rages at home but in public would act demure and quiet spoken with a forced fake smile on her face . What an act . She regularly told me how bad her mother had been to her and later tried to justify her constant scapegoating and abuse of me by screaming that she had 'put up with MY mother's miserableness' . I certainly never trusted her and actually came to hate her .
S R 3 aylar önce
Yeah. So she could control her behavior. She chose to abuse you at home.
Camila Torres
Camila Torres 3 yıl önce
This gave me chills. My ex-husband was a president of a Fortune 500 company before the age 40. He was always mean but when he gained power, he became EVIL. It's one thing to read about these traits but living through them is unbelievable torture. If you are going through this, document your days in a diary and keep it somewhere safe.
Melodie Perkins
Melodie Perkins 2 yıl önce
Glad you are out
Melissa G
Melissa G 2 yıl önce
I have lived with my narcissist brother for an extended period of time now and it is honestly living nightmare, the behavior sometimes is so far from acceptable and inappropriate it’s unbelievable someone could think it’s ok to act like that
Joann Gross
Joann Gross 9 aylar önce
This explains my nephew entirely. My late sister was married to a dyed-in-the-wool narcissist. She was very well educated, probably the most talented person I ever knew and rather wealthy. Her eventual husband had about enough education to fit in half of a thimble, a foreign national from Jamaica who came here to America with the clothes on his back, a busted borrowed suitcase tied with twine. She met Hobo Harry at church and when he set his sights on her, he found the Golden Mealticket. She was totally Love Bombed and he quickly found her Achilles Heel: she loved to be flattered and waited on. All through the courtship and engagement, he was like the perfect lapdog/servant, errand boy extraordinaire, personal chef and masseur. Needless to say, my sister paid for everything: she bought herself a $10,000 engagement ring, paid for the lavish wedding with a couple hundred guests, and honeymooned in St.Thomas. She also bought him a car and a van to establish his new business. Hobo showed his true colors on the first night of the honeymoon. He proclaimed to her he was the Entitled One and he would no longer be her personal lapdog chef et al and she better start waiting on him as her husband! What did my sister do? Finished the trainwreck honeymoon, immediately got an expensive Christian counselor to help the Hobo get back his 'first love' back. Needless to say, the marriage had disaster written all over it. She went through at least three of these Christian counselors with no success of him becoming his 'real' loving self. He treated her with thinly veiled contempt and regularly displayed alcoholic rages where the police had to be called. In this union, two children were born. The girl was absolutely born crazy. The baby girl screamed and cried day and night. Years later I asked my sister when baby girl finally slept through the night. She said 'I don't know! I handed her off to her father to deal with, I had a job to go to!' I later learned of Hobo's chronic extreme insomnia and he eagerly sat up all night with the little terror. Baby boy was born about eighteen months after baby girl and as a baby, the polar opposite of his sister. He was one the most pleasant, charming babies I have ever seen. I never saw him cry, he was always smiling and happy. On the other hand, baby girl always seemed to have a frown on her face. My sister was the only mother I knew who had to coach their child on how to smile. My nephew did a 180 when he turned seven years old. It was in his eyes, when he thought no one was looking or when he took a picture. I never said very much to my sister about this and to be honest, I really couldn't put my finger on what was off about him. She thought the sun rose and set in my nephew. After over twenty years of strained marriage, Hobo packed up and left on a Sunday afternoon, before my sister got home from church. There wasn't a note, a call or a text. He filed for divorce and spent years trying to get alimony or some type of spousal payout. He also did his best on trying to make her sell the house so he could get half. My sister had an excellent lawyer and Hobo Harry ended up with zero, not another dime from my sister. My sister's relationship with her now grown daughter was continuing to be very difficult. My niece from birth was always determined to have her way about everything, no matter what. Oh, but my nephew was the Golden Child and could do no wrong. He was totally solicitous and attentive to his mother. To say that she adored him would be an understatement. So when my sister was diagnosed with inoperable, incurable cancer a few years ago, all the masks were off and the fakery came to light. The Golden Child got a look at my sister's estate, control of all her bank accounts and assets. He declared he always hated family, especially me. He was a carbon copy of Hobo Harry, with an college education. He despised his mother for her ideals of honesty and holiness, and was secretly a heavy drinker and smoker, a habitual liar with murderous tendencies. I guess it's kind of difficult to say whether it was nature or nurture when it comes to my nephew's narcissistic proclivities, most likely both.
Lisbet Soda
Lisbet Soda Aylar önce
Such w tragic story all around. I cry for your sister. Sometimes we get so much difficulty in life it is hard to understand. Poor her. It really puts a question to the nature/nurture issue. Who knows to what degree eachatters but it seels they are both relevant.
Not gonna lie, you don't sound like such a prince yourself. Labeling a child from birth? Writing this...screed?
kenit cimm
kenit cimm 3 yıl önce
The vindictivness of a punishing narcissistic parent I've found the hardest to overcome. : (
Debra 3 aylar önce
Another way of being cruel.
dubaiedge Aylar önce
It's truly hell on Earth.
Mart Cichocki
Mart Cichocki 3 yıl önce
The pathology of NPD has filtered down through the generations of my "family." I have seen first-hand the damage the son of a b**** known as my father figure has created. This toxic personality disorder deserves a lot of attention analysis and widespread dissemination. Thank you for doing your share of Goodwill work Gratis on TRvid. Hats off to Dr. Grande!
G Strathmore
G Strathmore 3 yıl önce
I can relate!
Stephen Zielinski
Stephen Zielinski 3 yıl önce
The NPD in my family created generations of damaged individuals. From one generation to another. We have three generations. It's a terrible legacy.
Mart Cichocki
Mart Cichocki 3 yıl önce
@Stephen Zielinski same here. What is unfortunate-- I am the only one of SEVEN, who is--AWARE!
megan griffith
megan griffith 3 yıl önce
I can relate too
Elizabeth 2 yıl önce
They are sprinkled throughout my mother's side of the family and aspd my dad's. I left and stayed gone in order to survive and chose not to have kids in case they might inherit it.
r.m 3 yıl önce
One of my parents has EXTREME signs of NPD, and despite the fact that I have not seen them since I was 13, and growing up, I was only around them every other weekend, or so, their behaviour still impacts me to this day. At 20 years old, I'm constantly questioning myself, and feel as if my opinion is not valid until at least one person confirms it. (Not just important opinions. If I liked a kind of pizza, and you said 'No, that's gross.' I would be like 'Oh. oh... ok.') I always feel dumb, and stupid, since I was often laughed at for whatever things I did, and when I brought any of it up, I was told I was wrong, without any discussion. It's so harmful.
tx.tiger Yıl önce
This is exactly what I fear for my girls. My younger one seems so unsure. Constant negativity is hurting them. Every single thing as per him is bad or gross or a scam… rarely there is anything positive I hear from him
Bruna Perussello
Bruna Perussello 2 yıl önce
I'm 35 and only recently I've find out my sister is a Vulnerable Narcissist thanks to your explanation. My childhood was difficult because of her and I had never realized the harm it has caused - up to this date as a grown woman. Anything I'd say as a child that adults would find funny or cute, she would discreetly come to say in my ears, when no adult was watching, that what I had just said was ridiculous, that I had embarrassed myself saying that. Not surprisingly, I have social anxiety up to this date and this has affected both my personal and professional lives immensely. I could never pursue my genuine professional dreams (become a Sociologist) because that would involve interacting with a lot of people and speaking in public eventually. She would change moods all of a sudden with something I said. One day a comment would have been funny to her, but the next day the same type of comment would bring her in rage. I never understood her disproportionate reactions and therefore was afraid of saying anything. She would see red by the silliest thing I've done or said, destroy my confidence and self esteem completely, and a few minutes later she would be the nicest person ever, offering me things, talking to me nicely as if nothing happened. I would get extremely confused and guilty, thinking how bad of a person I was for thinking badly of her. Mental confusion, that's what they do. Also, she was obsessed with the idea that everyone was jealous of her, she would be best friends with someone and then talk shit about them behind their back, saying they envy her. Once she was walking downtown with a friend, and this friend was approached by a talent agent who gave her his card and asked her to come to a talent agency to maybe pursue a modeling career. Scam/creepy or not, my sister cried non stop for a week because it was her friend who had been approached, and not her. I have many other examples, but that already gives you an idea.
My Queen
My Queen 2 yıl önce
Bruna it seems we share/d same sister. But in my case she died few days ago from covid. I am still so confused about how to feel about her untimely departure . She made my life living hell. I was more Beautiful talented sister, she made it her goal to make my life insignificant and worthless. She spreaded rumors about my character In school just so my parents would scold me , she then try to act as my parent's spy and told them that she's keeping an eye on me. She had no friends throughout her life. No boyfriends As well. She made it as how pure and angelic she is . Right now she became an angel since she died. But she left a hole In my heart.
Bruna Perussello
Bruna Perussello 2 yıl önce
@My Queen I'm so sorry for your experience and your loss. We need to find a way to turn this in our favor. I don't know how yet, but there must be a way.
TheRedPIll 2 yıl önce
Main thing to pay attention to: “cognitive empathy”-it’s learned BEHAVIOR; it’s not genuine.
TruthSeeker1959 2 yıl önce
So true and powerful!
Janie 💋
Janie 💋 2 yıl önce
Join Coffee
Join Coffee Yıl önce
AIs. Think about terminators.
Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish Yıl önce
My wife with vnpd can not recognize certain emotional situations. If she hasn't experienced it before, I have to tell her how to feel. We had a very sensitive and emotional moment when I was crying. It was dark and she couldn't see my face and recognize she should have been crying as well. Just a blank stare. Then I told her, " this should be an emotional moment and then she immediately started crying.
Join Coffee
Join Coffee Yıl önce
@Ricky Spanish 😂
S W 3 yıl önce
This makes so much sense -- cognitive empathy as self-centered and the lack of emotional empathy : Memories are arising... connecting more dots. Thank you Dr Grande for sharing these insights.
Dorothy Maher
Dorothy Maher 2 yıl önce
My mother was SO crazy..I believed she MUST have been abused in childhood... When I became an adult I started talking to her family and friends about it..They said she was a SPOILED BRAT from the day she was born...no abuse
Dirty Sanchez
Dirty Sanchez 2 yıl önce
Your mom, and mine. Same. I've been puzzled for so long, what made her so awful, and crazy? She has always been all about herself. Jealous of her own two daughters. Hated all other women. She'd stick her nose into whatever temporary friend she had, their business. She'd start running their lives until it would backfire. At 83 and has Alzheimer's.. she is without a doubt, a narcississt. Not one friend in this world calling to ask how she is.
Adara 2 yıl önce
My mother also has pathologically high levels of narcissism and whilst her own mother seems to have had NPD it's clear to me that whilst my mother recognises her mother's toxic behaviour my mother completely fails to recognise she has continued destructive patterns as a like favouring her sons much more than her daughters, devaluing her daughters and not accepting her children as individuals but only caring about how their achievements and behaviour make her look good as if their accomplishments are her own, and using triangulation and projection. One very evident characteristic of destructive narcissists is failing to study not just psychological matters but to demean any child of theirs who does. As a young teen I was reading books about psychological matters and my mother sneered at this and referred to it as "narcissistic navel-gazing" to which I retorted that if she "indulged in some of that so-called narcissistic navel-gazing [she] might find she would have a better relationship with my father!" Then when narcissists do look at psychological issues it is done to portray themselves as victims and to throw around labels and paint anyone they've harmed and/or who they have a difficult relationship with as having either a personality and/or mood disorder! In most cases, the narcissist will talk to someone in a position of power about a family member and solicit the stranger's idea as to what's going on and the narcissist will only tell the stranger half the story so whatever the stranger says is only based on the half-truths from the narcissist. Narcissistic people always encounter problems in work places and yet they keep blaming others despite encountering issues with every coworker and employer at every job they have. The common denominator is the narcissist but they are too shortsighted and lacking insight into themselves or others to recognise that.
TruthSeeker1959 2 yıl önce
My daughter and only child is textbook narcissists. she was spoiled by me. I created the monster!! Narcissists are sometimes created by the family. I have been abused for almost 25 years. They will try to make you and others think the abused is crazy by "Love bombing" and gaslighting they lie unbelievable, the lies they tell will shock you. Lots of videos on youtube and licensed psychologists that can explain. Their friends will think there is something wrong with "you". They are very "STRATEGIC" in their role. Knowing this is freeing. To know it is a disorder helps me cope, but they very rarely can be reached mentally.
oklahomaisok 2 yıl önce
I have seen this too, the children that are doted on in a family tend to have narcissistic traits. They don’t have a realistic view of the world and grow up believing that they are entitled to whatever they want and that they can manipulate to get it.
Victoria Marie
Victoria Marie 2 yıl önce
Over-spoiling is actually a form of abuse. Children become profoundly handicap by it (research the golden child/emperor syndrome). When they become adults, they go through a culture shock when they realize the world does not evolve around them and people reject their obnoxious “I’m better than you” behaviors. The world is then viewed as hostile by narcs. NPD develops from BAD parenting.
Calico123 Linus
Calico123 Linus 3 yıl önce
This man knows his stuff! There is no one better on TRvid with providing knowledge and explaining disorders 😊
pocoeagle2 3 yıl önce
I agree with you! Dr. Grande is amazing good when it's about mental health and personality 👍
Kevin Hornbuckle
Kevin Hornbuckle 3 yıl önce
Yes, and you can tell he's earned his knowledge. Nobody handed it to him.
Burnt Reynolds
Burnt Reynolds 3 yıl önce
Serendipitous Synchronicity
Couldn't agree more!!
Kersti Tekko
Kersti Tekko 3 yıl önce
The best
Rhianna Bliz
Rhianna Bliz Yıl önce
Thank you so much for your videos Dr.🙏!! I’ve had issue(s) with narcissists in my life.. pretty sure it started with my narcissistic mother, so to a degree I was “trained” and a magnet for them.. My last relationship was with, what I believe was a malignant narcissist, who tried to kill me and he nearly succeeded just because I wanted to end the relationship, but thankfully, I was lucky enough to get away with my life, and after that nightmare I basically shut the entire world out, for nearly 4 years.. I’m just now healing and feeling brave enough to start interacting with new people again.. it’s really hard to learn how to trust again after someone you once thought loved you tires to kill you.. I’m so grateful for Dr. Grande informative videos, I’ve learnt so much and come so far just listening to his channel.. you truly are such a blessing for those of us who are unable to obtain or afford counseling. 🙏🤗
Spence Hogg
Spence Hogg 2 yıl önce
I'll always say that narcissists are half-way to being a full blown socio/psychopath. I've had to deal with several of these types in my life and there's always the (uneasy) sense/feeling that there's something wrong with them, but you can't quite, 'put your finger on it'. They tend to be 'big talkers', but the focus of the conversation always goes back to them and their overinflated ego. Their favorite words are often, 'I', 'me', 'my' and 'mine'. But because they're big talkers they tend to attract a lot of attention, which, of course, feeds their ego and quest for power. For this reason, they often have a pack of lemmings/flying monkeys following them around. If you dare to express independence of thought, feeling, interest, etc. apart from them, they don't like it. Free spirits aren't generally approved of or may even be perceived as a threat to the narcissist.
A Life of Diversions
I found this to be incredibly enlightening! I was dealing with several of these traits in one person. I’m newly out of this relationship but I still have contact because this person is my son. I can admit that I was not a good parent when he was young as I was dealing with addiction. I found a way to break the chain and I’m forever grateful. I’m hoping to find a way for him to seek help.
Christian Pulisic
Christian Pulisic 2 yıl önce
Out & About,You look gorgeous 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Andrew Mass
Andrew Mass 11 aylar önce
Suggest it
Penelope Hughes-Jones
Our youngest is studying Criminology at Uni, Dr Grande and your videos are proving invaluable, many thanks. He thinks your marvellous! He's right! Incidentally, I had no idea that vulnerable and grandiose could kinda segue but now you say it, it makes sense. Thanks so very much for sharing your expertise, it's deeply appreciated by the whole family.🙏
Tania M
Tania M 3 yıl önce
My dad ran off with a narcissist and he’s all alone. He lost everyone, he has no family and he dumped all of his friends for this woman. She also beats him. He allows it. He tolerates it. The last time I saw him he said he believed all the lies she told about us all. I learned that the person who decides to stay with the narcissist is just as sick, if not sicker. They ALLOW it.
Black Archon
Black Archon 3 yıl önce
Yes but the narcissist has made them sick
Gail Parker
Gail Parker 3 yıl önce
Tania M
Tania M 3 yıl önce
Gail Parker I believe you! I honestly don’t know what I can do for my dad. He’s in his golden years and he deserves to be happy. My hands are tied - I can’t force him to leave her
Tania M
Tania M 3 yıl önce
steffi pappas I know. She’s instilling fear in him. I feel so helpless
Gail Parker
Gail Parker 3 yıl önce
James Vitale
James Vitale 3 yıl önce
I always find the interplay between cognitive empathy and affective empathy interesting. Very informative, Doctor. Thank you.
kes S
kes S 3 yıl önce
Yes. They're geniuses when it comes to knowing precisely which raw nerve to hit in order to inflict pain; but totally oblivious to understanding what it feels like to be hurt in that way.
Mia 3 yıl önce
Unspeakable Truth Yes Exactly how it is especially when there projecting there Paranoid Delusions onto you.. Slanderous Accusations because there evil, and vindictive.
Mia 3 yıl önce
@Unspeakable Truth There words, actions are out of proportion to there Delusional perceptions they protect whatever sick narrative they are peddling.
Dee Kay
Dee Kay 3 yıl önce
You described my boss, Dr Grande. The description is so striking that I got chills. Needless to say, the work environment is incredibly toxic.
Lindsay Schilling
Lindsay Schilling 2 yıl önce
I once had a boss like that. An absolute Monster!
Lee Stevens
Lee Stevens 3 yıl önce
What gets me is that I think the true narcissists are the ones that cause all other narcissists to become narcissists, and I think they get away with it. Also I think I was a pretty destructive narcissist, but I think it was all because of my upbringing and getting addicted to drugs and alcohol, since I quit I think I'm a much better person. I don't know if I'm still a narcissist. I don't know if we can fully change. I feel like I have though.
rubievale 2 yıl önce
I unfortunately met and became involved with an individual who turned out to be the most abusive, manipulative, vindictive and downright evil person I've ever encountered. It was nightmarish and surreal, beyond most people's comprehension. To the best of my knowledge she was completely unaware of her behaviour. She has never come close to considering that she was at fault, not in the least, and according to her everything was someone else's fault and she was always the victim. I wonder if she truly believed this, deep down, or if she actually knew exactly what she was all along? Her entire reality relied wholly on maintaining this fabrication and she would go to any lengths to ensure it was never questioned.
Julie Anne Olson
Julie Anne Olson 3 yıl önce
Oh before I even watched this, I knew that my ex husband was going to be way up on the scale of the most dangerous narcissist. I was right. He is very dangerous and he is extremely vindictive. He will never change. He is enabled by his family and everyone around him. He believes that everyone else needs to be like him and do things like he does because his way is always better. I hope that I never have to lay my eyes on that monster again. He was so mean, controlling, and downright abusive. He could not even wait until our divorce was final before he got his new supply! He even blamed his adultery on me saying that I didn’t sign the papers soon enough so it’s my fault! He was mean during our marriage but I hadn’t seen anything yet until the divorce. He was just downright evil and he loved every minute of it. I’m sincerely convinced that he has no soul whatsoever. Thank you for your video! I always enjoy hearing what you have to say and I have learned so much from you!
Andrea CR
Andrea CR 2 yıl önce
So sorry you went through that
Kelly York
Kelly York 2 yıl önce
Sorry you were involved with a dangerous personality. Hopefully, you did not have children with him, but if you did, be careful and watchful. Protect yourself in your old age so that you do not have to rely on him or a child from this union. Have good friendS and folks from your church drop by to check on you at times. Try to involve yourself in positive activities, read books, go places that restore your faith in mankind. ( And take heart...your ex is now doing the exact same horrible things to his new supply...it will not show in public or on social media of course, but trust me, behind closed doors, it’s happening. They NEVER change...the psychologists HAVE to convince themselves there might be the possibility of change, but nope, they never do. They are just excellent at fooling others. ) Good luck to you. Stay safe.
Donna Woodford
Donna Woodford 2 yıl önce
Narcs take no accountability for their actions, and deflect blame as you mentioned. My Narc said that I set up an illicit encounter for a lady of the night to text him when in fact I had no contact with any shady ladies. Why would I be setting up my then husband to cheat on me? I divorced the d_mb_ss cheater.
Faith Factory
Faith Factory Yıl önce
He is not a narcissist, he is just Italian my dear
Adrianafaith123 Yıl önce
Wow, I'm glad to hear you got away from him safely. God bless!
CellEst 2 yıl önce
Thank You, Doctor for this summary! I've just realised last year, at age of 45, that my mother is a vulnerable NPD. And as a bonus, I'd been living in a country that has been the playground of a grandious NPD and his mates for over 10 years. It's an anormous work to heal myself from the harms all this done. I appriciate Your wise videos a lot. There are perhaps millions out there who need help but can't reach for it. Your work on YT is invaluable. I'am happy to see a quiet but steadily growing tendency in the world (partly thanks to global sharing of information) that more and more people get aware of the various tipes of harms done by fellow humans and raise their voice against it. Or, at least don't accept it as normal. Than You again.
paul shortall
paul shortall 3 yıl önce
To understand is to forgive. It’s fascinating ~ unfortunately, narcissism can involve sadistic elements
paul shortall
paul shortall 3 yıl önce
Marko Pavicevic not so sure ~ if you challenge a vindictive narcissist with a degree of power then you will experience a hell of a response
SekhmetSecretWeapon 3 yıl önce
'forgiveness' doesn't make them stop hurting you!!!
paul shortall
paul shortall 3 yıl önce
SekhmetSecretWeapon it’s an old expression ~ HOWEVER the literature does strongly support the concept for the benefit of the victim !
SekhmetSecretWeapon 3 yıl önce
@Marko Pavicevic I'd really like to think that, but given my 'circumstances' and the history/trail of dead bodies involved....until she's LITERALLY KEPT AWAY FROM ME, Im not safe!! :(
Cheryl Ewers
Cheryl Ewers 3 yıl önce
Awesome video. I think a lot of people out here of all different cultural, economic, professional and educational backgrounds are trying to put our heads together and figure out ways to protect ourselves and our loved ones from the atrocious abuse we've suffered and are seeing others suffer, and when clinicians in the mental health field come onto "the scene" with a lot of clarity, curiosity, empathy, consistency and a willingness to share and empower, it's very much appreciated! Thank you for the care and thought you put into your videos!
Persefone 2 yıl önce
Your analysis of a narcissist empathizing is interesting. My mother was definitely a narcissist. The only way she could understand how someone else felt was to pretend to be the person. Sometimes, she would also rehearse, and act, when she was planning some interaction with someone. When she did this, she had a remarkable insight and understanding of how the person felt. However, there was still something wrong with her. Sometimes she could be very very thoughtful and caring, which usually happened if someone was very poor or particularly bad off somehow, and she felt clearly superior to them. But she could also be as cruel as you can imagine. I mean, as bad as it gets. In fact, sadness was not really an emotion she displayed very much, except when she felt like she had been mistreated or was not equal to someone else somehow and had the short end of the stick, which really was more angry jealousy than real sadness. She was either angry, jealous, or happy, and usually she was actually very happy no matter what other emotion she was feeling. And when she was wicked, she was also incredibly delighted with herself, and usually could not help but display her glee when she was very very wicked. And she was extremely competitive. She was a dangerous person and just became worse and worse and worse with unacceptable bad behavior as she got older, although she WAS seeking treatment in the end because she realized she couldn't control herself anymore, and I think sensed that something WAS really wrong with her. She also had a very strong tendency to be addicted to things, and avoided substance abuse of any kind, including certain foods that contained caffeine, or other unhealthy addictive substances, and she avoided behaviors she knew were dangerous to herself, like gambling or watching TV. However, she was a workaholic and a shopaholic. If she wanted to do something, she could not control herself. There is probably a genetic component causing all of this, because her brothers and sisters behave in a similar way, but I think they've also learned to be this way and that my maternal grandparents had some extremely bad paradigms and behaviors. Some of them I think are very healthy - for example, laughing and joking when misfortune befalls you, and laughing and joking even MORE if it's really really bad. This seems to be much healthier than being depressed and sad. It's kind of a courageous, productive attitude. However, my mother and her brothers and sisters certainly can figure out how to make other people incredibly depressed in order to manipulate them. It's not just genetic, although... I think there has to be a genetic component because they can be so EVIL. So evil. Capable of... things other people really can't do unless it's really a dire situation, and maybe not even then. You just can't be that way if you honestly are completely capable of empathy without having to really stretch your mind to even perceive that. But my mother purposely stunted her ability to do that, too. She worked not to feel that. But STILL. I think it was some kind of brain damage, even if that particular part of it was wanted on her part. My poor mother's issues, and also her sibling's issues are honestly a travesty. It has caused SO MUCH pain. So much pain. In fact, a LOT of people have died because of it, and other people have noticed and commented, not just in this lifetime, but also even with my maternal grandparents and their siblings, that there is a REAL problem in my family that really does need to be addressed.
titus titus
titus titus Yıl önce
"she would also rehearse, and act, when she was planning some interaction with someon" Im going to start doing this, thanks for the tip! This comment section is better than reading the Talmud.
DLM 2 yıl önce
They don't take ownership of their ways. They are so abusive.
sonia bernatchez
sonia bernatchez Yıl önce
they wanted to kill me, waste my time, and turn my friends, employer against me, it s so toxic, jealousy
Denise Gregory
Denise Gregory Yıl önce
They lack self awareness and never change no matter how old they get or how many people distance themselves from them. They just look for more victims for as long as they can reel them in
WtfIsGoinOn Here
WtfIsGoinOn Here Yıl önce
32 plus years, and counting. My ex drug my kids through the divorce, used them as weapons against me, had them placed in foster homes, cops Never helped me, in fact,law enforcement, judges, lawyers the whole system has his back,and even participants in the evil things he wants. All now are involved with organized crime and its growing with lots of fellow Americans using smart dust and terrorizing, stealing, vandalism, hijacking phones, and I can go on. Even having someone rape me,and planting people for me to meet that are really working for them.
Debra 3 aylar önce
You understand it. You are right.
Michelle Lafleur
Michelle Lafleur Aylar önce
Thank you for your education on the narcissist. Very helpful to me and my siblings. One of our brothers was told years ago by a counselor that he was narcissistic. Through the years his behavior has been hard to understand and it has caused all kinds of problems throughout our family and his. After learning about this from you I have been able to come to terms with the situation and protect myself. My sister and I often share your videos to help us. Thank you so much for the time you put into these videos. It has been a great help to me.
Ann Oravetz
Ann Oravetz 9 aylar önce
I think I was made into a vulnerable narcissist by 2 parents who were outwardly physically abusive and inwardly emotionally abusive, and two older siblings who were simply imitating that behavior toward me, all before the age of 4.
Rejane Oliveira
Rejane Oliveira 3 yıl önce
Fantastic Dr. Grande! I have had experience with narcissists and the suffering they can cause is real. The challenge is to recognize this is a pathology and try to find compassion and forgiveness within oneself to deal with such people. Thank you Dr. Grande, you are the best!
sciencebear timberwoods
I'd argue for boundaries and letting go instead of forgiveness.
Rejane Oliveira
Rejane Oliveira 3 yıl önce
I appreciate your input. I like to believe though that forgiveness give us freedom. It’s something we do for ourselves rather than a courtesy to the one who have caused harm. By forgiving someone it doesn’t mean that I will became “friends” with that person, but rather I will allow the situation to not bother me and let that go. I would still keep distance from such people as an act of self preservation but by forgiving I will have that peace within myself.
Sword of the Spirit
Sword of the Spirit 3 yıl önce
Compassion for a narcissist? No. How about compassion for YOURSELF after being abused by them!
EgaoKage Yıl önce
I had a boss that fit this "worst type" description in every way, and then some. She seemed to target subordinates who were most-qualified to fill their role within the organization, over those who were only adequate or even under-qualified. She seemed to somehow correlate a subordinate's level of competence directly with the degree to which they were a threat to her authority or status.
Hamza A.
Hamza A. 3 yıl önce
Great explanation. I support the approach of standing against narcissists rather than trying to buy the "peace" from such people by faking emotions. It is not because the latter is shameful or weak but allowing other evil people (like narcissists) to get away with their deeds could result in more harm in the long term or even the short term! I know that many people just want a piece of mind but if the approach of resisting such vile become a culture among people, (generally it will not) I think we will see fewer and fewer narcissists or at least the damage will be minimized.
Shapiro's DEAD Cat
Shapiro's DEAD Cat 3 yıl önce
I was raised by a narcissist as described in this video and his spouse-- a co-opted narcissist. I sometimes really worry that I'm a covert narcissist. I have read many articles describing the difference between a sensitive introvert and a covert narcissist but I'm still unsure of which I am. I'm pretty sure I'm able to take criticism and am not engulfed by asb, but it's hard not to be fooled by one's own motivations. Do you have a video on this, or will you consider making one?
J 3 yıl önce
I think the damage that they can caus also depends on the person who's on the receiving end. There behaviour isn't as damaging on someone who got healty boundries and carries them true. When your a pleasing person that wants to see good in every person it's gonna be a different story. It's easier to get taggled up and hang on for to long...
Richard Tjhan Liang Ang-Hong
I agree with this, I believe age and ''relationship'' experience will also have an influence. It the victim is an innocent 19 year old dating a experiences narc 25 year old; I think there already is a shift in power.
Mel Shaw
Mel Shaw 2 yıl önce
It’s death of anything good for a child.
rickie5150 2 yıl önce
I got tangled up and hung on too long.... Had to eat a big ole shit sandwich to learn and heal. I'm free today !!!
Cyndi Gooch
Cyndi Gooch 9 aylar önce
J That's exactly right and many people say that ANYONE can get caught up in romantic "relationships" with highly narcissistic individuals, or worse, for many years, which I don't agree with at all! 😊
Mighty Mouse
Mighty Mouse 9 aylar önce
Most people simply won't put up with their attitude. They keep their masks on so outsiders won't know what they are. It's the "lucky " one who love them that get abused
anna john
anna john Yıl önce
You have put in apt words all that one living with a narcissist can experience in bits and pieces but never as a whole .Thank you Dr.Grande... Having said that living with a narcissist needs another kind of disorder....It is next to impossible to live with one and retain mental normality.....
LindyLooo99 3 yıl önce
The vindictiveness made the relationship END.... I walked... I REFUSE to give my power away.
Litte Liten2
Litte Liten2 3 yıl önce
For me it wasn't about refusing giving power away, I just refuse to give it to a lying manipulative lunatic.
Judith Gannon
Judith Gannon 2 yıl önce
Someone keeping score over everything, big and little, is so wearing. And as someone said, an affront is usually not even intended. But you have to experience retaliation in any case.
pelagic6 2 yıl önce
@Judith Gannon Keeping score, what a great way to put it. When you aren't out to compete with someone who always wants to compete with and push you, it's absolutely exhausting.
Georgena Wilson
Georgena Wilson 2 yıl önce
So true, the longer a Narcissist gets away with their actions, the worse they become. Once you face up to knowing you are dealing with a Narcissist, then you just have to end it, as quickly as possible. I do have a question about Narcissism - Aren't we all somewhat Narcissistic? By that I mean, don't we all have to think of ourselves? This is my issue right now, if I stand up to stop the control and domination and manipulation of a narcist aren't I then being narcissistic?
J.J. Wallar
J.J. Wallar Yıl önce
There is such a thing as a healthy narcissist. It’s the balance between vulnerable and grandiose.
Georgena Wilson
Georgena Wilson Yıl önce
@J.J. Wallar Thank you.
Rogue Squadron
Rogue Squadron Yıl önce
Oh but being a certified narcissist and acting narcissistic are going to be very different. Ones permanently pathological and one's not
Michael Reed
Michael Reed Yıl önce
No. I don't believe we are all narcos in some small way. we have empathy. just the thought of betrayal and lying about it and such makes me feel very very uncomfortable. to actually visualize what pain or hurt that someone would feel because of something we did. the Narcassist thinks of ways to get away with it or to minipulate you and shift the blame. that's just pure evil thinking. and if they ever say they are sorry....they are sorry you found out
Georgena Wilson
Georgena Wilson Yıl önce
@Michael Reed Interesting, I have never heard that a narcassist have not empathy? I do believe that some are very manipulative. I guess I have to study more.
Mark M
Mark M 2 yıl önce
6:03 Yep, “the most destructive narcissists are those who have reached a position of power.” This is obviously as true as it has ever been in our world, especially after having such an obvious narcissist holding the most powerful position in the free world. We are seeing the terrible effects of corruption in the white color world, because it is so much easier to get away with criminal activity from those places of cover. No one doubts the wrongness of “street” crime. But the variety of bad behavior that can clearly do the most damage is exactly that type that is so “normal” that it is never challenged. It gets completely entrenched in our everyday world. Bad bosses, selfish managers, dirty cops, lying CEOs and corrupt judges. These “gatekeepers” are the real banes on our society. If they have their way, they will snuff out any honest opposition they encounter. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good (people) to do nothing.” We can’t just stand by and let these Machiavellian “People of the Lie” take over this world. We have to insist on only giving power and authority to people we can trust, who do not lie out of mere expedience, and do not use their power for abusive and selfish purposes. And people who address real, inevitable conflicts with true responsibility, never resorting to low-ball “ad hominem” tactics that accomplish absolutely nothing of creative value.
Jean Savage
Jean Savage 3 yıl önce
Oh Dr.. you’ve unfolded my eldest daughters’ problem. I listened intently to the explanations of each and at last I know why I’ve had such encounters with her. I’m a young 85 with chronic pain from a fall which hitch hinders my independence. She wishes me to sell my home and move in with her and her spouse ( who caters to her moods) and I dread her outbursts and always loud and right. Each one of the identifications of grandiose narcissism fits her. If you challenge her no matter how objectively or meekly she’s likely to raise her voice and counter. She does seem to be able to control it with some relatives or friends but with others if she’s through she’s through! Her dad died when she was a baby and I’ve heard her complain about how she was treated badly ( untrue) by her step dad . She also is jealous of her two half siblings for no apparent reason. Her three siblings all grown have always maintained she was controlling. Thank you Dr Grande as I have new things to consider before being under her control.
Good Intentions life coaching
Thank you Dr.G ! Love your channel and happy I found you a year ago. You have helped me tremendously with my CPTSD. 14 months “no contact “ with my in-laws. Never been happier!
Sandra Frazier
Sandra Frazier 2 yıl önce
You described my sister! Thank you. My mom thought she was a Psychopath. I tried to explain Narcissism to my mom, before she passed away! Due to attacking my Mom, because she was easy prey.
Christian Pulisic
Christian Pulisic 2 yıl önce
Sandra Frazier,I admire your lovely smile 😊!!
Collective Insanity
Collective Insanity 3 yıl önce
Something i find interesting about narcisism and narcisists in general is that they usually succeed in low iq or low moral environments or a combination of both, (like in most job environments) but not so much where the overall intelligence of the group is higher. i would like to point out also that one of the main reasons why narcisists dont make good bosses is actually pretty simple: They wil always put their interest before anything else when nobody is watching, and they only are loyal when convenient and as an investment, never as true appreciation for other peoples good characteristics. Thank you Docotor!! Blessings!!!
deb sabatino
deb sabatino 3 yıl önce
Exactly my experience. Also uses subordinates good suggestions and ideas as their own. While making sure to keep the subordinates at a distance from their higher ups to protect their deceptions.
Liz L
Liz L 3 yıl önce
I disagree with this, there are LOTS of narcissists in universities and academia, where everyone has a high IQ and lots of education. One of the most destructive narcissists I have heard of is a prominent scientist... IQ doesn't prevent narcissism or narcissistic abuse.
sciencebear timberwoods
The fact that they are so successful in science speaks against at least the IQ theory!
net punk
net punk 3 yıl önce
Liz L Right! I came in here to say, “well, let me tell you about academia...”
Mateja Vegh
Mateja Vegh 3 yıl önce
Thank you for making this channel. I believe this kind of information should be avaliable in middle and high schools, known in general public. EQ is very important, self-esteem is very important and it contributes to relationships, life satisfaction, understanding of others, etc. I also believe narcissism is at rise in todays world, so having strong sense of self is crucial. Thank you once again for making my life easier with your videos, they are also very well done and insightful. I share them wherever and with whoever I can. Greetings from Croatia!
Lin Monash
Lin Monash Yıl önce
Hello Todd, yes I found this enormously interesting useful. You described in detail my last Clinical Manager. I suspected much of this but really had it all under the general heading of "Bullying". Sometimes we have blind spots about our own workplaces / circumstances. This concise format is spot on and I only wish I'd seen this and could have included it in my Exit Interview Letter to the Corporate HR office to illuminate precisely what she was doing. This person was very intelligent very articulate and had formed good relationships with everyone above her. Most of the clinicians she managed were contractors and she controlled who was allocated what hours cases etc. So those who actively or inadvertently challenged her power were eased out with excuses about lack of bookings etc. It was notable that anyone who complained about her - or who had raised a formal complaint (on two occasions this was done as a group - no-one felt safe enough to do so singly) - were carefully and over time - 'encouraged' by various means to leave, whilst she somehow remained. The heaviest irony was that she would go out to clients to run Anti-Bullying Workshops! [ Why do I suspect you've heard many stories like this before? Sadly - not unique.] Admin staff were particularly badly treated and often left. On one occasion 4 sequential temp staff declined to apply for the position when it became permanent - despite all originally indicating they were looking for permanency in a context where permanent positions were few and far between. Eventually she found someone whom she turned into a 'mini-me' - who 'reported on' other staff and took on the deferred mantle of arrogance and viciousness herself - with some inappropriately delegated levels of 'authority'. It took me quite a while to figure out what was going on, and also what I had done to attract her vindictiveness. From the first week I found her behaviour odd and moods hard to gauge. At times she was superficially friendly - at other times would cut you dead. I asked around and was told' "don't worry about it -she's just like that. She treats everyone like that". She also used targeted levels of self disclosure to try to obtain more personal information about people - that she would later use against them. Fairly rapidly it became obvious to myself and others that she was targeting me. I asked others what they observed - what was going on? Every one of them said "You are threatening her." In What way?! I asked. I'm not challenging her 'authority'! I don't want her job! It's just you, they replied. Every time you open your mouth to discuss a case or share information it's clear that you have way more experience / expertise and it 'shows her up'. So what should I do? "Dumb Down'? The other 'crime' that I committed was attending to Trauma call outs. This was part of my role - and part of why I was hired in the first place -as I am a trauma consultant. However, whilst she was on an extended leave period I was called to cover some organisations that, I later learned, she usually serviced. What I didn't know - just doing what I usually do in that role - was that I was apparently providing a lot more than she had delivered. The outcome was that in later call outs from those companies it was myself who was specifically asked for - via the National Booking line - rather than herself. Because I didn't know this was the source of her sudden escalation of antipathy I had no way to respond. I was also in financial difficulties - as she well knew - as I had purchased a second home before selling the first and there were delays in that sale. So, I had to 'sit tight' and just bid my time. I couldn't confront her directly until I was ready to depart - lest she cut my hours, which had already been reduced to 1/2 time, so I commenced keeping a log of incidents - which had witnesses. One that particularly persists in my memory, was my attending a trauma call out to an organisation for one critical incident - when another emerged. I was supposed to leave the site at a particular time, but the site manager and their National HR manager asked me to remain for the remainder of the day, as we had just learned of the death of an employee the previous evening and a number of staff (25 in fact )- had lined up outside my allocated office needing immediate support. When I informed my clinical manager of this circumstance, she went ballistic and insisted that I immediately leave the site, as a new booking had not yet been received by our Intake. This was in process and I had no control over the timing. When I explained this to her- she became verbally abusive and shouted that I was ignoring her authority as the statewide clinical manager and 'refusing her instructions'. (This despite her and others routinely staying longer at other call outs if required by the client organisation) After 3 such aggressive calls I informed her I was recording these and would no longer be answering as these now constituted harassment'. I then sent a very brief email to our national manager and got on with attending to the long line of distressed people. I knew this would be regarded as an 'open declaration of war' and decided I'd had enough. However, circumstances dictated that I soldiered on for a further few months within icy silence. The house sale had been further delayed due to the property being flooded just as it went on the market - by an 'unseasonal weather event'! I learned also that this person was actively trashing my professional reputation across the national structure - or attempting to do so. I then went on several weeks of unpaid leave after I came down with my first case of Shingles. (The GP asked me had I been under any significant stress lately! ) The final straw was being called in to the office for a trauma booking on a day I was usually not there and then being verbally abused on arrival when I was 5 minutes late due to problems with parking. I had left my own office - driven across town and circled several times to find a park and run 3 blocks - only to discover the client no longer needed to talk to someone - since the booking had been originally made 4 days prior and admin hadn't checked this. I just packed up my gear - walked out and never returned. I spent that evening compiling my Resignation Letter with my attached Log of Incidents. The relief was enormous. I received a standard "We'll look into it " response from HR and nothing further. Four months later I heard the office had been closed and contractors were now being managed remotely via a clinical manager interstate. I would LIKE to think my Exit letter had something to do with this outcome - but suspect it was more to do with economic rationalisation as the organisation was moving in this direction already. 🤔 Yes - I did debrief with other / external clinicians but, as you observe, this stuff is highly damaging and does have a 'long tail'.
Seeker of BS
Seeker of BS 2 yıl önce
I disowned my “earthly mother,” her narcissism caused so much pain and destruction. I just Pray I don’t become her!! 🙏
ms operator
ms operator 2 yıl önce
Not sure if I should say sorry or congratulations. I also disowned 2 siblings w/narcissistic personalities. It's bitter sweet, I miss my family and at the same time love my chaotic-free life.
123gozane Yıl önce
You won't. You are aware about her narcissim and by being worried about being one usually shows that you are not..
Mary Ross
Mary Ross Yıl önce
You won’t become her but you may find yourself saying things that she would say or react the same way she would. At those moments, you’ll catch yourself and correct your behavior. It happens to me and when it does I hear my mother’s voice and own it , apologize and start over!
titus titus
titus titus Yıl önce
@Nicholas Vojnovich Most people writing comments here are, it's hilarious.
D M Yıl önce
Whew 😅… I’m so very glad there are others who recognize this behavior as unhealthy, intimidating and violent verbal and psychological abuse !! Had 2 of them in my life. Surviving in CALI 👍😊
j spain Greene
j spain Greene 2 yıl önce
This is good - you're hitting many of the nuances. We think of narcissists lacking empathy - but it's their ability to manifest it in a healthy way. The narcissist in my life used to tell me as a child, "you have to understand what the other person is feeling. you have to put yourself in their shoes." But what they DID with that information was quite destructive. Wow! Then you talked about Vindictiveness - and that is the way the narcissist in my life would use their empathy.
Matthew Dowling
Matthew Dowling 3 yıl önce
I'm not sure that anybody can truly appreciate, the terribly malevolent nature & malignant intentions of a 'Malignant Narcissist' (Term: Social Psychologist Erich Fromm 1964), unless they have (unfortunately) experienced it for themselves. Yes, it is essentially traumatic experiences, and potential genetics, but to see the arrogance and sadistic pleasure that these individuals garner by others pain, is to witness evil in action. There IS NO EXCUSE for the basically psychopathic abuse meted out by them to generally kind and empathic people. The World is in a grip of a Global crisis of Pathological & Malignant Narcissism, and there are a number of reasons for this exponential rise. DR G, perhaps you might look at the Global Implications of the demise of Empathy, and how Humanity will/is self destruct/ing.
Sylette Monroe
Sylette Monroe 3 yıl önce
I keep seeing these explanations at the right time. I have discovered I was raised by one of these. (I have a NF). Figured it out all on my own and the only thing working for me is no contact. However, the psychological abuse is a long lasting mind f@@@! They are evil! Its creepy! Sadism, rage, and then more impulsive rages over nothing, verbal warfare twisted behaviors. Psychological and severe cognitive dissonance abuse! I keep questioning my own sanity after going no contact and feel the (FOG) - Fear obligation and guilt of going no contact. I dont know if healing is possible and the pain of feeling guilt ever goes away! They are nuts and drive you nuts! I believe mine is a psychopathic narcissist! He enjoyed strangling. When I was little he would talk about who he would strangle and then laugh. (????) He beat my mother and brother and strangled them yes. So coercive, intimidating driven he was! How does one overcome these whack jobs! Unbelievable. Those like Dr Grande, doing this work need to know the good they are putting out by educating us! Thank you! Thank you Thank you. I cant say it enough. They make you feel you are the crazy one! The family members stick right with him. Its nuts!
Sylette Monroe
Sylette Monroe 3 yıl önce
Yes, the smirking and laughter after their abuse only proves they are sadistic and they enjoy it. Its strange! It is evil! I do not believe they can be fixed.
Sylette Monroe
Sylette Monroe 3 yıl önce
Matthew Dowling. Perfectly said, .... and what you are saying is true! Just know it helps to know others understand this pain! Meanwhile others dont get it! How strange is that?
Matthew Dowling
Matthew Dowling 3 yıl önce
@Sylette Monroe Melinda, you are going NO Contact with a sort of Entity, a Hologram, a form of Artificial Intelligence; they should have had your protection and well being as their priority, yet they did not, and instead you were objectified for their own fragile needs. It can only be immensely painful to go No Contact with a Parent, but it is often the only way for your own protection and survival, both physically and emotionally. I learnt one thing, IT WAS NOT ME! ALL THAT CRAP THAT THEY DID, WAS THEIR OWN ATTEMPT TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL SOME SPARK, INSIDE OF THEIR CORRUPT & EMPTY SHELL. I know I am not perfect, but I also know that the Malignant Narcissist was the most vulnerable, fragile, broken individual, and COULD NOT be fixed. The sense of Freedom, and the smell of Clean Fresh Air, can hardly be described, but it's what I felt when I finally left all that putrid abuse behind me. YOU WILL START TO HEAL, but please NURTURE yourself, you are worth so much more than you even know.
Sylette Monroe
Sylette Monroe 3 yıl önce
@Matthew Dowling Thank you, thank you, thank you, so much. You are 100% correct! Going no contact, has helped me find peace! I know for a fact I would be in a mental institution if I were exposed to him once again. (Hes past 75ish). If I would explain everything, I would be here all day and I could write a book. We keep hoping for change, and in doing so, only keeps a victim inside the abusive cycle. It has to be no contact. I agree one has to stay away from them they will take you down with them. I will try and keep this short and give the last 3, events into why the "no contact" was implemented again in 2017. I went no contact 2010-2017. (7 years and it is freeing and peaceful). Had to break no contact only because of death of little brother (2017). Which was NF'S, 3rd child and youngest son at 45. He was laying in hospital with a brain aneurysm and we had to travel together to remove him from life support. Traveling together is: NF, older brother, and myself. After traveling 2-3 hours to arrive at hospital NF, was in the corner discussing with doctor his OWN health, and heart issues and then notifying us he needed "to be home by 7 to take his own medicine so he wouldn't die." We had not even taken little brother off of life support and he said this!!!! I was floored! It had been 7 years since I seen him and we just arrived and yet he needed to get back home to his own medicine! His narcissism is much worse hes out of his mind! (Blown away) I let him and my older brother both know at that moment: " I would not be taking care of this issue by myself" and he would just have to try and suffer through it. We are here and we need to take care of this. (That was the end of story). He didnt bring his medicine with him? (no he didnt and I didnt ask him if he did! (Omg. unbelievable). 2nd, time was with him and his new wife at a restaurant and she gets up to go to restroom before leaving. NF says to me: ( I hope she falls on that wet floor). He wanted me to be his flying monkey for him. Only still in contact at this point because we needed to wrap little brothers death up. Those last issues! It was winter and ground wet with snow boots, she had on, and he wanted her to get hurt by falling! Mind blown once again. Was in therapist chair once again! I know its him! 3rd, time he verbally abused me at my home sitting outside and I have never returned any phone calls he has made after the verbal abuse. He has tried to reach out! He wanted me to do Christmas with him: leaving a long phone message and I would not return his phone calls. He says, " he didnt know what he did," (that is a lie and hes gas lighting)! he would like to see me for Christmas. I wont return any phone calls no contact is the only way! Sorry this is long and sorry for all the I's. Thank you! The guilt is enormous but hes too abusive! Hes psychologically too abusive to be around! Thank you appreciate it!
pretty mess
pretty mess 3 yıl önce
Like witnessing a 43 year old man having the mindset of a 3 year old, trying to appear like 43.They try to outsmart those in higher position than themselves and land flat with their face on the floor.Even if they make it, everyone around them knows they don't deserve it.People just put up with them out of politeness and good manners and discuss it with people they trust.That's the path we have chosen, not them.They feed off our good intentions and willingness to forgive.I don't think that is enough for a human to be called intelligent.Thank you very much dr Grande!
Melodie Perkins
Melodie Perkins 2 yıl önce
I complained about a narcissist and he is so vindictive and malicious. He is in a high power position.
Carol Nahigian
Carol Nahigian 2 yıl önce
their life WILLCATCH UP with them-------karma will boomerang on Toxic narcs.
Michele Stellar
Michele Stellar 2 yıl önce
Sometimes they can be street angels and house devils tho.
AliCat132 3 aylar önce
RU talking about Prince Harry, lol?
Tee Ada
Tee Ada 2 yıl önce
What you said about the narc who has power at work is so true. I've worked under a narc before and it was a very stressful and confusing situation. However, after a while I realized that they knew exactly what they were doing when I saw how he was able to turn the charm all the way up in front of higher-ups and HR. It was like a skill he went to school for as his fake brown nosing worked very well to the point where the executives were shocked when people started reporting his inappropriate behavior. Thank God HR had a background in understanding narcissistic managers and was able to recognize the signs. Nonetheless, the only way to survive in that situation would've been to continue to allow myself and my work to be devalued when the narc felt like I was a threat. Ironically, when higher-ups gave me praise in front of him I was the best thing since sliced bread, but in meetings with other subordinates he loathed me and told me to my face in a one on one meeting that he couldn't and wasn't going to let me shine. So glad that I'm out of that situation! 🙌😌🙏🏼😄
Marty Smith
Marty Smith 3 yıl önce
This young man does a great job explaining a narcissist. From my own personal experience, he hits the nail right on the head!
Marty Smith
Marty Smith 3 yıl önce
He sure does.
Janie Escobar
Janie Escobar Yıl önce
Wow. You nailed my EX to the T. He behaves exactly as you described regarding power, position, higher up, deeming "everyday people" , but his worst treatment was of me, my children, grandchildren, and disabled father. It still is his VINDICTIVENESS that still leaves me in disbelief. Even though we have all survived his abuse, it's changed all of us in ways that we will NEVER have the trust or innocence that we once had.
Joe schmoe
Joe schmoe 3 yıl önce
Of course when I call out a narcissist they laugh and belittle me like I don't even know what I'm talking about.
She Wheels
She Wheels 3 yıl önce
What did you expect? That they would agree and say sorry? That will never, ever happen. But what will happen? Revenge. Vindictiveness. And they’ll destroy your reputation. Better watch out.
Helen Shg
Helen Shg 3 yıl önce
I have experienced the same. Narcs typically demonstrate classic cases of DARVO. We can expect them to act out DARVO. They will DENY their behavior. They will ATTACK their accuser and REVERSE.the scenario so they can portray themselves as VICTIMS and portray the victim as the OFFENDER. This is not a matter of "if" it will happen. If you are dealing with a NARC it is a simple matter of just waiting until it happens. They act like they have a special mission to disrupt and destroy the peace if mind of others. They act like ppl who have escaped from h3ll.
Paul Ortiz
Paul Ortiz 2 yıl önce
Yes, what did you expect? A formal Thank-you note? These folks are very resistant to therapy. So things most likely will never change. Unless they are on THEIR death bed. Then, perhaps, a change is gonna come!
Aurora 2 yıl önce
@Helen Shg Yup, I've heard that before. "I'm not a narcissist. You are!" Hmmm who is the narcissist the one that puts themselves before everyone else and throws fits if they don't get their way? Or the ome who doesnt have time for themselves and provides for them?
Seren 3 yıl önce
I really liked this approach! I believe that we need to incorporate the sociological approach with the psychological approach. This is why I'm studying both. Great video as always and thanks.
اجيا نهرا
اجيا نهرا 3 yıl önce
Most of what I read or watch focuses on exposing narcissistic behaviour to others, which is quite important. However, if narcissism is so self-serving, why would a narcissist seek treatment? I feel that we, collectively, need to point out more why narcissism does the narcissist himself/herself more harm than good on a deep level. Are narcissists ever truly happy? Help us point out to them how and why they aren't. I'm asking this of you, doctor, because your presentations are the most methodical and focused I see. Thank you!
Anna G
Anna G 2 yıl önce
I do believe you just described a person I work with. Unfortunately, their behaviour is destructive and ongoing, causes much annoyance and at times, dread and fear. I would love to hear your opinion on how to successfully negate their negative, entitled behaviour, as I enjoy all aspects of my work, except my encounters with this individual who has a position of authority.
MJ 2 yıl önce
Awesome video! I worked for a few Attorneys who had Narcissistic Personality Disorder - I am sure of it. They were brutal to work for. Not all the attorneys in the law firms I worked at were like this, but the few I worked for who were caused a lot of trauma in me. Now I won’t let them get me down. I won’t directly work for people like that anymore. If I wind up in a situation like that again (I hope not ever!!), I will cautiously plan my escape! Don’t let them get the best of you. It’s all a power game to them! Keep your power and your chin up! May God bless, strengthen and protect you all who are suffering on this channel! 🙏 ☺️
Raymond Garafano
Raymond Garafano 3 yıl önce
Having read 'People of the Lie by Scott M. Peck and 'The road less traveled' Peck shows an awful lot of traits shared by Narcs are shared by people who are out an out Evil and Evil is Live spelled back- wards. Many forms of Evil but a well known trait is the absence of empathy.
Jennifer Jack
Jennifer Jack Yıl önce
Yessir,nailed it spot on!
Carolyn Kepler
Carolyn Kepler Yıl önce
Dr. Peck told a story where a father buys his teenage son a gun(sound familiar?)The son was depressed. In effect, the father purchased the suicide weapon. It’s been 30+yrs since I read People of the Lie. Time to read it again
Lauren Morrissey
Lauren Morrissey Yıl önce
Another thing is like to point out is that narcissists LOVE to deflect. I’ve seen this with both grandiose and introverted narcissism. For example, when they accuse you of something that only they themselves have done. The crazy part is that when they are doing this they tend to know exactly what they have done and understand the morality behind their either criminal or just plain destructive behaviors. The difference is that they just don’t care. My husbands ex girlfriend accused me of being a cocaine addict and claimed she had ‘proof’. But honestly I have never done drugs in my life except nicotine. A few months later she was convicted of possessing narcotics while traveling across state lines.
ReligioHominiLupus 3 yıl önce
Excellent as always, Dr. Grande! Would you consider making a (few) video(s) explaining the apparently subtle differences between subclinical and clinical (non-pathologic/pathological) Cluster B disorders? Also, why are psychopathy and dark triad considered subclinical? And what is meant by "speaking the narcissist's language"? Could you showcase with a few examples? Thank you much in advance!
Susan Piechowski
Susan Piechowski Yıl önce
I find these videos very helpful. I am a clinician myself and recently left a job due to a physician that I worked with who is very narcissistic. I filed a complaint before I left and he retaliated against me. Vindictive narcissist. Classic example 👌
Olivia Odisho
Olivia Odisho 3 yıl önce
Dr. Grande I just want to thank you for all you do on your channel. ❤️These videos help me understand why the narcissist in my life is the way he is. Not that this is an excuse. The main thing I’ve learned is how to navigate life with a narcissist that I can not cut contact with(at least not yet.) The biggest take away is the explanations of narcissism from a true professional. It helps me limit the effect his gaslighting has on me because I know what is really going on with him and can keep myself grounded in reality. I know he won’t change but I can. I can control my reactions because I have knowledge now and knowledge is power. 💪
Babbo Natale
Babbo Natale 3 yıl önce
_"Vindictiveness is important because it allows a narcissist to keep power. And if they can keep power, they can keep doing damage"_ Truer words were never spoken, Dr Grande. It almost seems like narcissistic people should be against the law - or at least the rules of any institution. But who's going to make that possible? 🙄 Thank you! 👍🌹
Burp Robrox
Burp Robrox 2 yıl önce
I’m a vulnerable narcissist, I’ve been told that for years, but never really believed it. You’re way of explaining things is quite excellent, but who knows what to do with this knowledge.
lacountess 2 yıl önce
Those are similar to my experiences with narcissists in my life, plus: - they always talk about how they had to endure unimaginable injustices in their lives that no one else did - they made up stories about their hardships and their achievements even though they knew people could easily check and find out the discrepancies - if the conversation veered off even for a few minutes away from them as the main topic they either looked bored, or interrupted - they couldn’t hold a relationship for any amount of time and as soon as they broke off one, the person who only days ago was their best friend or their partner, became a tyrant who had done great injustice to them.
KoreaMojo 3 yıl önce
I love your work on this especially since I don't have energy to look into research on these topics during school. People lack understanding of how little our actions and thoughts are not what they would consider as "conscious" and ironically they are unconscious of this. Vulnerable narcissism seems very damaging depending on the person's predilections. I was tramatized pretty badly from constantly being lied to and cheated on. High presentation of exploitation after getting in the proverbial door with sympathy and mirroring. I know you weren't saying it's not unhealthy or adaptive though. Great video as usual.
Gail G
Gail G 2 yıl önce
Thank you for humanizing the narcissist. My sister is a narcissist. Each of my 8 siblings is broken in some way. Our childhood was traumatic. Her demon is narcissism. I don't hate her. I'm not angry at her. I understand the underlying issues, so I have compassion., I am also afraid of her. I prefer to avoid being in her presence - EVER.
Marc Harsveld
Marc Harsveld Yıl önce
You went no contact and forgave her. That's called being a survivor. I am glad you made it.
Ann Laatz
Ann Laatz 10 aylar önce
My mother claimed to have a happy childhood and she maintained this opinion all the years until my dad died 3 years ago. She then went on to tell me of my grandmother's affairs and again showed no sign of distress in this regard at first. My grandmother was an extraordinary human being, loved by all and a model of how a human being should be. Full of love I could only imagine her being an awesome mom that spoke easily and openly about sex as a fact of life and for the most part her affairs were overlooked because she stayed with my grandfather and took care of him until the day he died. Never putting him in a bad light and letting everyone knowing the love she had for him. Something changed for my mom. She went from being okay with the circumstances surrounding her childhood to becoming ashamed and considering sex as a dirty subject that never got spoken about. I'm sure this happened when she met my dad. My dad was a man who lived his life by what he believed in and high standards. He lived his life as a true advocate for honesty and integrity and this was, so I thought, by every member of the family. Wanting to keep my dad keen on her and also feeling sudden shame in her upbringing may have taken it toll. She often reflected my grandmother's behaviour onto me and I never knew why until recently. She wore a mask all these years advertising my dads standards as her own. Drilling honesty into me, my siblings and my children. She asked me to come and stay with her because she was lonely which I did without a second thought. I and my partner gave up everything we had worked for which was a lot if you knew the history of our struggle and were just coming right and getting ahead in life. That was the beginning of a 3 year nightmare which never ends. I saw things and heard things no one would ever believe and neither would I if I hadn't gone through it myself. To hear my mom lie blatantly to my face for the first time and deny asking us to move in with her was scary enough. She went on to display every known trait I had read about of a Narc like she was the subject on which narcissism was derived.
kawazar musse
kawazar musse Yıl önce
Your right, a person can have a mental disorder and still be responsible for their actions. People tend to go to extremes, either they aren’t responsible because of mental illness or disregard the cognitive distortions that lead to their choices which in turn harms themselves and society. The disorder should be acknowledged. But accountability is just as important
ALLISON Payne Yıl önce
Thank you Dr.Grande,you help me to understand what's up,with someone, being raised in a highly Narcissust Family,I know I'm more prone to deal with situations that now,I know goes against the way that I truly feel in my whole heart😎
Fu gee
Fu gee Yıl önce
Yes! I haven’t heard it explained so on point to my exact situation with well off intelligent stealthy narcs (both parents). It’s hard to have people understand
LIFE STARTS NOW 3 yıl önce
My dad is a narcissist. He molested his sisters and his own daughter, tortured animals, burned down buildings for fun...and lots of other horrific stuff. And He is a RN in mental health facilities and a paramedic. 👌
M. D.D
M. D.D 3 yıl önce
That's terrifying!
Tender Heart
Tender Heart 3 yıl önce
LIFE STARTS NOW Horrifying. I thought my parents were bad. ☮️
LIFE STARTS NOW 3 yıl önce
Chad Larson I went no contact 5 years ago
LIFE STARTS NOW 3 yıl önce
Unspeakable Truth i cut him out of my life in 2015
Sandra Plourde
Sandra Plourde Yıl önce
Wow. Just wow. Another excellent video. I love how each new video of yours that I listen to builds upon the others I’ve already heard. Truly understanding how complicated and similar the disorders are. Really understanding ex-husband (vulnerable, tetrad) of 30 years) and just recently the vulnerable/grandiose, avoidiant, OCPD ex BF. The former led a double life that I had no idea about but now all makes sense with the help of you and a few others in the field and now, understanding the latter because he was truly complicated. The first had no trauma to speak of but the latter had both parents with disorders. The latter, I thought, had Asperger syndrome. In that case, I felt like I should have stayed But being that he’s highly successful and an ultra high net worth individual, I now understand that his social ineptness/rudeness was OCPD, vulnerable/grandiose narcissism and not AS. Let me throw in a few episodes of manic episodes. One hot mess. But I loved him. He warned me when he met me that he was afraid if I spent a few days with him, I wouldn’t like him. He said a bunch of other things over the nine months that I now understand he knew he had issues… He said OCD but it was OCPD. With comorbidities obviously. But I don’t think he has any clue about those. Although he told me his daughter told him he was narcissistic and she think she’s narcissistic and his son they believe is bipolar although undiagnosed. Maybe that’s why he didn’t want me to meet his family. That was the reason I left him. Maybe he did me a favor.
Ginny H
Ginny H 3 yıl önce
Spot on explaining my ex. His father taught him well. They use money to secure supply but they dont realize they are just being used by said supply. It's so sick. Hard to believe until you see it in action.
Marty Smith
Marty Smith 3 yıl önce
As someone mentioned, the attack might be perceived however, it is very real. From my own personal experience, this happened to me and I was the target of the narcissist. The attack, I will agree with it being perceived. My life turned into a big mess as a target of the abuse. They are scary and this is a covert narcissist I'm talking about. I wonder if a narcissist is another word for a sociopath.
James Newing
James Newing 2 yıl önce
This basically describes my Mother (vulnerable) and Brother (grandiose)...I have a lot of work to do to help them, as best I can, whilst healing myself; now I understand what has been going on. I thought I was losing my mind with these two. Thanks Dr Grande, love your content.
No Wire Hangers
No Wire Hangers 2 yıl önce
You can't help them. Help yourself. Trust me
C Sc
C Sc 3 aylar önce
Concentrate on healing yourself. They won't change.
Edward Hamm
Edward Hamm 2 aylar önce
Tried to work with a narcisist. It was a nightmare. He was too controlling and thought he was the best, but he was down deep insecure.
Adara 3 yıl önce
Thank you for shining the spotlight on how dangerous and destructive narcissism is. Your analysis was excellent, as always. Could you take a look at the concept of forgiveness in a therapeutic context, please, particularly in regards to others including therapists focusing on forgiveness of those who are narcissists? I came across the following article that talks about the ways forgiveness is often pushed onto others as a form of gaslighting and would be interested in your thoughts on this. It's at: www.elephantjournal.com/2020/01/forgiveness-is-a-choice-fo-we-cause-more-harm-than-good-by-telling-people-to-find-forgiveness/
Jack O'Neil
Jack O'Neil Yıl önce
Thank you Doctor. Very informative and enlightening, and your insights add clarity and focus to elements of narcissism. I wonder as well as if some of the most dangerous narcissistic types are those who are highly intelligent but with well concealed psychopathy. I worked for a Billionaire who ended up in prison in a huge political corruption l scandal that involved, bribery, murder for hire and sex-trafficking, and even his closest friends and family were shocked to discover what he had been doing. I also had a childhood friend who was abused by a parent when young, this person was highly intelligent and seemed to have empty for others who were abused, but was also a very secretive and occasionally exhibited mild covert narcissistic traits. Over a period of a couple o decades this person rose to the upper levels of a very powerful intelligence agency, known for infamous and clandestine operations. There was a point during this person's career when he or she went through some psychological conditioning, after which this person seemed to rapidly become malignantly narcissistic, paranoid, and eventually what can perhaps be best described as delusional and obsessively psychopathic and destructive, and at the same time even more successful and to a degree 'wealthy employing his or her psychopathic skills. I can't help but question if this person's narcissistic tendencies and intelligence were cultivated into something more, possibly even a weaponized form of psychopathy?
Iza Waniek
Iza Waniek 9 aylar önce
Vindictiveness plays an important role in making the narcisist more destructive. People do not complain because they are afraid of the vindictive attact of the narcisist and nothing gets the chance to get improved or changed and that is why the critical mass of narcisists in a socially oriented institutions is one narcisist in a position of power. It can bring the whole institution down. Thank you dr Grande.
the traumageddon project
I've never heard about narcissistic vulnerability. Very interesting! I'm going to research more. Thank you for speaking on this.
Susan Smith - Bible Research Ministries
Good overview and information and helps us to understand a Narcissist more, the thing I would like to have seen is a couple of hints on how to deal with these jerks, my life was literally destroyed by a closet psycho who displayed as a Vulnerable Narcissist but was actually part of an organized crime ring, has taken years to recover and still not quiet there yet
Marc Harsveld
Marc Harsveld Yıl önce
There is only only one way to deal with ''these jerks'': go no contact.
Eagle Feather
Eagle Feather 3 yıl önce
Excellent and insightful as always! There's one subject I would like to know more about, and that is narcissism and stalking behaviors. I would love to know more about it. :D
Mia 3 yıl önce
Yes please especially when your being stalked on u- tube..by Paranoid Delusional perceptions of a sick person.
pattianne pascual
pattianne pascual 3 yıl önce
A local narcissist, who I believe is also an evil psychopathic woman, actually does stalk me. I walk, and often see her car, which she tries to hide or thinks I didn't see it. This has been going on for years.i am not the only one.i am always aware and alert and prepared to act in case one day the nut decides to do something. We all keep our eye on her behavior.i believe she does this to "have something" on us.i am an introvert, no criminal record, boring, feed and spay stay cats, help the community, etc- at first I thought she was observing me to learn how to act, to be as liked and respected as I am, but no. Other people have told me she talks bad about us kind,good people, trying to get them to believe her lies, but those that know me, are aware to her evil, just trying to make me look bad. It's so childish.i think as much as they love themselves, they hate themselves even more inside.
Solveig Cronström
Thank you for sharing your widespread knowledge! Recently, in a video listing people to be avoided, I have seen recommendations that we should turnn our back to people who are telling something about somebody else. Seemingly regardless of content it is all called "gossip". This worries me a great deal. This attitude plays right into the hands of both kinds of natcissists. They can go on hurting people, who have no chance comparing experiences with others or finding support for a break up.
Mary Ann Maher
Mary Ann Maher Aylar önce
Absolutely love these intelligent, informative videos!!! Thank you so much Dr. Grande!!!
Stefan Wyeth
Stefan Wyeth Yıl önce
Great video, the only part which was a little vague was the part about narcissists being encouraged to seek mental healthcare. That is not happening anytime soon as our entire society is built on economic hierarchies, branding, and social media(all of which favor or even celebrate narcissistic behavior in some way). Most narcissists will gasp in sheer disbelief that you would even suggest or imply they could benefit from seeking help of any kind. They will then gaslight you, saying "you are projecting your insecurities onto them" or something similar to shut down the conversation. I think it's important to be realistic and transparent when presenting this kind of information so you aren't filling people with false sentiments of hope. Yes, they need help but I think rather start by not tolerating or enabling the behavior in the first place - that is a hard enough task on its own.
Lark B
Lark B 3 yıl önce
I've been on TRvid for years and haven't ever been sufficiently interested in a channel to actually subscribe until now. Thank you for making well-ordered information about mental health accessible. Would you be willing to speak to the evidence for a relationship between eating disorders and narcissism in a future video? I've encountered papers but don't have enough background to understand the implications of them.
Natália F.
Natália F. Yıl önce
i loved the beginning, a lot of times I see a hate towards narcissts that makes me question if we are putting personal opinions into this, when we are talking about a person with BPD or other personality disorder that creates trouble for others (but also suffers) we are a lot more empathic. I get that for some people we shouldnt be empathic with people that cant and wont be empathic with us, but I think that is getting in the narcissist logic of being cold and always being in a position of defense/attack, the logic of weaponizing empathy like it is something we can take away and make them pay
Alice Rayne
Alice Rayne 3 yıl önce
They are mean they hurt and use and abuse and think it is funny, if they are nice to you it is because they want to use you, they are empty and heartless Demon is a good name for them!
Kevin Hornbuckle
Kevin Hornbuckle 3 yıl önce
Alice Rayne And their apologies mean only one thing: they need you to not get away.
Big Ern Mahkracken
Big Ern Mahkracken 3 yıl önce
Frkn vampires, I had a few people like that in my life before. Best just to cut them loose and find what you need to make your world yours. But I do have close family like this too, dam hope it ain t me.
Deedless Deity
Deedless Deity 3 yıl önce
@Big Ern Mahkracken Even if you make your own world, they will find a way to worm themselves in, even those from the past you thought you had left behind... it's a game to them.
August Greenwell
August Greenwell 3 yıl önce
@Big Ern Mahkracken if we suspect we may be a narc, usually means we are not. Narcs do not have that much self reflection and can not ask themselves this question.
Ms G
Ms G 3 yıl önce
Yep. They're sadists. Why do they just confuse.
J J 2 yıl önce
Hello Dr. Grande! Thank you as always for your videos! Can you please make a video on people who grow up in destructive cults, like The Reunification Church, and the effect which that upbringing can have on a person, in developing personality disorders? Thanks again, Judi
Avalena 3 yıl önce
Hello Dr. Grande, first of all, very interesting and informative video that got me thinking (once again). I think i may be a covert narcisist and only noticed the pattern of my behavior after some people around me started to point me in the direction. I'm also in therapy, being diagnosed with depression and transsexuality, but my therapist kinda avoids to put down another diagnosis for my primary issues. I specifically asked her about me showing many, if not all signs of covert narcisism, but she tends to place me into the BPD direction, saying that she's seen true narcisists and my ability to even consider to be a covert narcisist indicates that i'm most likely not. I differ in so far from the general profile (as far as my judgement goes) that i dont strive to gain power, aswell as the sadistic side. I surely did manipulate/lack emotional emapthy/lied/am egocentric/have a sense of entitlement (no idea where this comes from and it shifts to selfhatered, depending on my situation). I surely show some signs of BPD too, like favorite person, all the overlap to CNPD, the massive fear of abandonment, selfdestructive behavior, suicidal thoughts, some signs of dissociation and the emotional instability. I am aware that this is by no means sufficient information for a diagnosis, i just hope for your advice, since you seem to be one of the most insightful psychologists that i've discovered to this topic. Is it possible that my therapist is lying to me, trying to mask the real diagnosis to make me behave more open to treatment/there being no CNPD diagnosis? Should i get a second opinion? Thanks for taking the time. :)
eyeshalfwayopen eyeshalfwayopen
Lu Lu ...hello, and only going by what you typed here I would attempt to offer that it seems your desire to 'break free' of the despicable traits you likely merely learned are not so much a portrait of your true self - as you DO have the 'sense ability' to recognize and care about the detrimental effects of those negative traits( something foreign to truly hopeless narcs, as your therapist has suggested). I sincerely applaud you in this important first state of awareness in your journey to recreate/ repent from these things. Along with seeking therapeutic help with this you can likely do well to study notable people like Neville Goddard ( Numerous YT vids of both him and others expounding his findings) who preach that you are in a certain state of thinking and can learn to move into a more desirable and pleasant state yourself by 'entering into the silence', kinda meditating but not with the hours expended one associates with that! ( one must 'live' , after all!). His unique teaching perspectives are demonstrated to extrapolate an individual, in time, from dependence on others ( i.e. , therapists - but they also have value and there is a time and place for their services) to the only one that can save you from yourself. In saving oneself you also become proficient in truly helping others in their own undesired states and lives! He clearly demonstrates how God, in you, has given you literally everything you need to succeed with everything. It will take awhile to study him and so take your time with it. There are notable YT content makers who use his methods and encourage testing of it all- if you are only a listener and not a doer it is worthless. (Check out one of the best- Joseph Alai vids after you have checked out quite a few Neville Goddard vids on your own tho). Disciplining oneself to ' go into the silence' and focusing only on what you desire to happen/ have, along with revision for past mistakes and outcomes that form your present experience are to become invaluable tools in "this game we call life" (Quote -Lets go Crazy song, Prince). ✨
eyeshalfwayopen eyeshalfwayopen
...just an addendum- I am not saying you do not need therapy(!). Only that 'going into the silence ' may eventually streamline your time spent in quality therapy, that is all. Good day, good life. ✨
Marnie Grohs
Marnie Grohs 2 yıl önce
The worst one I ever dealt with wasn't one it was multiple members of a family. The first sign was I told one of them something general about my life that came back twisted as something else, by multiple people and even though I corrected the misrepresentation it was still being talked about like I never corrected anything.
WomensArmyCorps Veteran
The narcissist I work with ticks all the boxes you just laid out. I’m an introverted empath and of course she chose me as her victim. I’ve never met anyone so nasty, vindictive and self-centered. She is a legend in her own mind and has no problems letting everyone know. She recently breeched the privacy code (spilling my personal health issues that she got from me while in hospital on ketamine and morphine). HEre’s the kicker…..we work in mental health. She is dangerous.